Understanding When to date and Whom PT 3


If you didn’t catch part 2 of the series, the answer to this question might not be clear to you so I encourage you to please go back and check it out because there, I explained what dating really is. Try this link: http://wp.me/p6rlMY-9H

With that background, we can move forward and address the questions that surround Christians and dating.

From the previous article, knowing that dating gives us the opportunity to get to know one another before getting married, I would say it is essential for everyone to date honourably, Christian or not.

For most young people, being too busy to have time for friends has become quite common. Many of us don’t even have time for our own selves. Quite frequently, you hear people say they are well paid but they don’t even have the time to enjoy the money they are being paid. And this is no longer the reality for doctors only.

I, for one, remember piling up computer games as I graduated from university with the intention of using them to pass the time as the occasion arose however I am yet to find that time. I am quite sure you have a similar story.

Now, in such a busy busy busy world, getting to know someone will not happen without concerted effort to take the time to know him or her. Even colleagues at work will only know your professional side and since everyone races to his car at the close of work, there is no way they will get to know you unless you set up a date to sit with and be with each other and just talk or have lunch or dinner. [Please, be reminded, there is nothing in my definition of dating that involves kissing, sexual intercourse or any other act of physical intimacy.]

Sometimes, the problem is distance. The two of you could be in cities far apart from each other. Effort has to be made to bridge that gap on occasion, frequently enough to demonstrate commitment and other things and get to know each other. So, quite simply, Christians should date in order to get to know each other because there is no free time to do otherwise these days. And there is nothing about dating that says it has to be at a restaurant or even involve a meal. It simply refers to making an appointment to be with someone.

Now, someone is asking, what is the point in dating and trying to get to know each other when you could just pray and God would point out his choice of a spouse for you? I mean, after you’ve had this powerful vision or dream or prophecy confirmed by three or more prophets that agrees with your heart and you heard a loud voice saying “This is the one”, what else is there to know? Why not just fix a wedding date and get on with it?

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, that used to be a common way Christians found and married their spouses. I must point out, however, that such was applicable when the general society accepted no other roles for women beyond having children and keeping a home. It was at a time when love was not needed to seal a marriage. Some fortunate ones would find love in the shadow of mutual respect with their spouses. And, unfortunately, even amongst Christians, quite a number never found the fulfillment that marriage was meant to bring.

Interestingly, today’s woman is very much exposed to her destiny which takes her beyond the kitchen and the bedroom. The successful woman is now judged by more than how many sons she was able to bear before she hit menopause. And rightly so.

The bible says in 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as BEING HEIRS TOGETHER OF THE GRACE OF LIFE; that your prayers be not hindered.” Also, Galatians 3:26-28 says “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is NEITHER MALE NOR FEMALE: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Bottom line, if a guy has a destiny to fulfil, so does a babe. God had to show me that in 1996 and it has changed the way I viewed Christiandom. Women are not second class citizens simply because they have been asked to submit to their husbands. They have a calling to fulfil and they are going to give account of it just as the men do.

This truth was not always so clear to the body of Christ. For whatever reason, it took us time to come to terms with this light just as it took us time to accept other truths such as divine healing, divine prosperity and unconditional pardon for sin. We are still struggling with some other truths but at the end, we shall learn the truth and be free.

Does that make us stupid? No. It makes us human and alive. We don’t know it all so we will have to learn and learning is one of the things that living beings do. As long as we are still learning, we are still alive. Needless to say, the body of Christ is alive.

Ecclesiates 9:10 says “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do [it] with thy might; for [there is] no work, nor device, nor KNOWLEDGE, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.” And 1Cor 13:9 – 12 says “For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

So, we may have reasoned childishly before but we are growing and we will keep learning until we meet with Jesus whether by death or by rapture.

Now, since today’s woman is expected to live a life much less simplistic than her ancient counterparts, it would suggest that there are more factors to consider in determining which man she would be suitable for. Choosing a matching spouse is now far more tricky than it used to be and we need God to be involved in the process far more than before.

It also means we have to use our heads and hearts more than before. We need to observe, consider, think, and pray and do it all over again and again until we know for sure what the mind of God is and what our part in it is to be.

Why is it important for us to review something or someone after God has said this is the one? Firstly, it’s because God does not impose his will on anyone. God’s will shall be done but not by imposition but by willing devotion. The manifestation of the will of God on earth is not automatic else Jesus would not have taught us to pray for God’s will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Secondly, the fact that God says something doesn’t mean it will come to pass in the earth. He is God, yes! He can do anything, yes! But, by His own principles, He has chosen not to do anything in the earth without the permission and cooperation of man. That cooperation is called faith and if he finds faith in only one man, God will do great things in the earth and in our lives.

Psalm115:16 says “The heaven, [even] the heavens, [are] the Lord’s: but the earth hath he given to the children of men.”

We have a part to play in order to experience the good that God has spoken concerning us. For example, God wants all men to be saved but people die and go to a Christless eternity because they chose not to agree with God and give Him permission to effect salvation in their lives.

Isaiah 1:19 says “If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land.” This is literally what happened with Israel as they journeyed from slavery to the land promised them. The land was right there, the good of the land was there and they even had a sample but, for lack of cooperation with God, they lost it. It took another generation with faith to enjoy the blessing.

I said all that to say this, even if God has pointed out your spouse to you, you need to do your part in getting to know the person if you want to get the most out of the relationship with the least difficulty. Just as Moses had his people spy out the land and take samples, so also you have to get to know the person you believe God wants you to marry and take samples, not of his body via physical intimacy, but of his mind and his spirit. Let what you can see of his or her body and dressing be enough a sample for you until you get married.

How does he/she think? How does he/she respond to difficulties? How does he/she respond to authority especially when they prevent him/her from doing what he/she wants to do? Does he/she keep his/her promises? What does he/she think about things that are important to you?

I am yet to meet anyone who claimed that God told him or her the answers to these questions about another person. I am quite sure He could but He doesn’t. Why? It is your responsibility to find out. It is up to you to study and find your place in his or her life though you do it prayerfully and with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Proverbs 25:2 says “[It is] the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings [is] to search out a matter.”

So you have work to do. You need to get to know this person, Christian or not, and one of the avenues to meet this objective is what is known as dating. God pointed out the person to you but he doesn’t need to get to know the person, you do. So get to work.


Understanding When and Whom to Date.

A friend asked me a question recently and asked me to blog it so here we are. The question is “When is the right time to start dating and how do you know the right partner for you?”

There are two questions here. By God’s grace, I will respond to both as best I can.


So, when is the right time?
The common answers are based on people’s varied opinions and understanding. Some set a certain age, while others set a point related to attainment of some social milestone (such as gaining admission to tertiary institution, or  clearing the first year exams, or reaching final year, graduation, finishing youth service or even getting a job and working for some time).
Some believe once they meet the right person, then it is time. Yet others believe they need to establish themselves in the actualisation of their dreams first. A number of people simply say maturity is the determinant but when asked what maturity is, many cannot put it into concrete words.

I will shed some light on these answers before we move on so stay tuned.


Occasionally, some of your visitors may see an advertisement here,
as well as a Privacy & Cookies banner at the bottom of the page.
You can hide ads completely by upgrading to one of our paid plans.


Post navigation

Leave a Reply

Logged in as lionunlimitedLog out?


 Notify me of new comments via email.

 Notify me of new posts via email.


The Counsel of Social Media

It has become normal for people to bring their problems to social media and ask for advice on what to do.

These answers being sought for can be life changing,for example, people ask questions about their health or marriage and I see a lot of comments and advice from people most of whom are complete strangers.
Usually, the advice given go in different directions and I can’t help but ask myself what advice will be person asking go with.
Recently, a mother asked for advice concerning her son’s eyes that were red and some people said go to the hospital, some others said apply breast milk. What will this mother’s decision be? Will it be based on the number of people that said go left or the number that said go right? What if 200 people said go left and 200 said go right,what will she decide? Same goes for marital problems, should she walk away from her marriage or stay based on popular opinion?
What decision will YOU make when you decide to bring your issue to social media?
Yes,it is true the bible says that in the multitude of counsellors , there is safety.

Prov 11:14 Where no counsel [is], the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors [there is] safety.

Prov 24:6 For by WISE COUNSEL thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counsellors [there is] safety.

If there is wise counsel,then there will definitely be foolish counsel.

Prov 1:5 A wise [man] will hear, and will increase learning; and MAN OF UNDERSTANDING SHALL ATTAIN UNTO WISE COUNSELS:

Be careful where you go for counsel and from whom you get counsel. Be a man of understanding and go for wise counsel before you find yourself in a worse situation.
May God help us to know the difference between wise and foolish counsel and help us to understand where to get wise counsel.

Have a blessed day.


Dr Linda Oyanna

Temptation Central

Q: Why would God give permission to have Job tempted?

A: Heeeyyy … cool down. The scriptures are complete and unbreakable. What happened with Job is what happened with Jesus and what happens with us daily.

Understand that when God speaks, he speaks across all time; past present and future since they are all the same to Him. And He speaks across all space; visible and invisible, in the heavens, on the earth and beneath the earth.

In the beginning the earth was without form … It was chaotic both in the physical and in the spirit. And when God started with light and brought order to things he also brought order to the realm of the spirit. Why? He was about to make man and man was to be in charge of all, including spirits.

The fall of the first Adam was a breach of that order. The man had to *fall* for something else to be in charge. The devil had no power to ascend the throne of earth unless it was abdicated and left empty.

If you look well, you will see it is the same principle Jesus said demons use in possessing people. So even the devil has no new tricks.

Now God is the same past, present and future. He is not improving, he is not learning anything so He has not changed His principles of operation. The spiritual workings of Job’s temptation are therefore the same as Adam’s, same as Jesus’ temptation as well as ours.

Look at Adam’s account:
Gen 1:26 And God said, Let us make man *in our image, after our likeness*: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
Gen 1:27 *So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.*
Gen 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Gen 3:1 Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
Gen 3:2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
Gen 3:3 But of the fruit of the tree which [is] in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
Gen 3:4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
Gen 3:5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and *ye shall be as gods*, knowing good and evil.

Look at Job’s account:

Job 1:8 And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that [there is] none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?
Job 1:9 Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?
Job 1:10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.
Job 1:11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.
Job 1:12 And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath [is] in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.

Look at Jesus’ account:

Mt 3:16 And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him:
Mt 3:17 And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.
Mt 4:1 Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness *to be tempted of the devil.*

Study and compare and see this pattern. The subject has a connection with God, God boasts of and affirms the subject, Satan moves in to test that claim.

Look at our scenario:
Heb 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted *like as we are*, yet without sin.

Mk 4:16 And these are they likewise which are sown on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness;
Mk 4:17 And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when *affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake,* immediately they are offended.

It’s been the same pattern since the beginning and it will remain. The devil has nothing to tempt a man over until God has spoken something to, for, or about the man. Satan has no original ideas.

Job’s case was not an experiment that God was conducting. God simply pulled back the curtain so that those who would read the scriptures would see what really happens in the realm of spirits and see that He is in charge and in control and he will not let us be hurt where it really matters – in our inner man.

1Cor 10:11 Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.

Thankfully we see through the life of Job as well as Jesus’ life that the faithful God compensates us well for every trouble we take as soldiers of the kingdom for the praise of His name.

Job 42:12 So the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning.

Php 2:8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
Php 2:9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:
Php 2:10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of [things] in heaven, and [things] in earth, and [things] under the earth;
Php 2:11 And [that] every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ [is] Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

What God did for them He will surely do for us.