I had this conversation with a precious brother recently concerning his battle against pornography and, with his permission, I have shared it here. I trust it will help you or someone you know.
I have split the conversation into three parts so be sure to watch out for the next post on the subject.
Pornography: Kick It! … 1
Q: Good morning sir. I need help. It feels like all my discipline has flown out the window.
The pornography issue started as a coping mechanism after I lost my dad, however the group was there to help me fight it. But in recent months, it is like it has come back stronger… and outrightly just trying to ruin my life.
A: I hear you. How may I be of use to you?
Q: I really don’t know what to do.
A: Start from the beginning… Tell yourself the truth.
Q: What is the truth?
A: Pornography was not a coping mechanism for bereavement. The thought that it was is a lie.
Q: Hmm… True.
A: So, why did you actually get into it? Your grief was your excuse, a defence against your own conscience and perhaps the alert the Holy Spirit gave you cos I assume you were already saved at that time.
Q: I got saved afterwards.
A: Oh… OK. After you got saved, before joining the Christian group, were you still indulging?
Q: Yes. I had had some contact with it through friends in secondary school but it didn’t feel as controlling and then momentarily while I was in the Christian group at school too.
A: Why did you stop for the while you stopped?
Q: Well, I fought it. I told myself I was better than that.
A: Are you?
Q: I am
A: Really? Considering that we are having this discussion, you still think you’re better than this?
Q: I think I am.
A: Now you are thinking? You sounded sure at first.
Q: Well, since I am now struggling
A: 🙂 I understand. Ahhh well, so what are we gonna do?
Q: Go back to dealing with the root?
A: Which is?
Q: The underlying lie; It doesn’t help me cope
A: Well, I think that is no longer the problem. The issue now is what is the new “lie” that is giving it access, so you deal with that… And beyond that, there is more to be said.
Q: I’m listening.
A: Hmmmm…So, what’s the reason now?
Q: I am out of shape spiritually and I am letting the devil take advantage of me.
A: True. But if your being out of shape is the reason, then you should probably be doing a lot of other things like robbing people, lying, premarital sex and other stuff. Are you into any other thing at the moment?
A: If that is so, then what is out of shape is perhaps something more fundamental… such as a sense of right and wrong. Somehow, to your conscience and even to the spirit of God in you, you are able to defend yourself as regards porn but not other evils. I am either correct or you understand my point but disagree. Which is it?
Q: You are correct.
A: OK then. So we may need to fix your sense of right and wrong, the basis of right and wrong and perhaps the consequences of right and wrong… if there are any.
Q: OK…So where do we begin … And how?
A: Well, you will perhaps label me as religious before this is over ooo… Sure you want me to go on?
Q: I want you to go on.
A: Okay, remember you asked for it.
Q: I will not forget.
A: Ok. Is it right to be involved in such stuff?
Q: No, it is not.
A: Is pornography a sin?
Q: It is a sin.
A: How does it affect your relationship with God?
Q: Sours it.
A: To the point of ending it?
Q: Ending it? I would say eventually.
A: How so?
Q: The deceitfulness of sin.
A: I know you’re familiar with that term but do you know what it means as in how it works?
Q: Keeps you tearing the relationship apart gradually till one gets to the point where I no longer want to have the relationship with God anymore.
A: True. I think it’s the decision to indulge each time, and the ease with which we make each subsequent decision, that’s the deceit. It feels less and less wrong.
Q: Hmmm… Basically hardening the conscience.
A: Exactly. There is a truth that is no more or less true than any other Kingdom truth and it is this, nothing we do affects God’s love for us. This is what is called grace, right?
Q: Yeah, but what we do can and will affect our love for God.
As I said, it’s the truth. And you’re right, it can affect our love for him. I think it can kill our love for him and when that happens, we will willingly end our relationship with him… sealing our fates.
Q: I agree.
A: Now, stupid question, is all this Jesus gist and heaven, are they real?
Q: They are real … And it ain’t stupid.
A: Ok. If it’s all real, it means we will meet him and give account. You would not want to give such an account, I am sure.
A: Not trying to scare you but meeehn, me, I fear God o! Of course I love him, He’s my father but He’s also God and I fear him… hope you get what I mean. He’s my Dad and he loves me but he’s also the impartial judge of all creation and he has a job to do. Hence, I put my body under control lest I become castaway. You understand?
Q: Yes sir.
…. Part 2