An important lesson about relationships I would like to share.
Most times when we are asked what we like about our guy or babe, we have some outstanding quality to refer to, something quite characteristic of the person.
I observed something a while back and took some time checking it out in all the relationships that came my way for counselling and I have concluded on it.
The lesson is that the very character you were attracted to will eventually become a basis for tension in your relationship.
If you love his generous spirit now, you will eventually complain that he is wasteful. If you like her strong independent spirit, you will soon complain that she is trying to boss you around. You like his diligence to work now, but you will later complain that he is a workaholic who has no time for you. You fell in love with him because he enjoys doing what he does even for no money, soon you will demand that he provides for his family. His apartment is always very tidy and you love that? Just give yourself time, you will discover that he is very touchy about moving things around and making changes. The reason his apartment is so spick and span is not because he likes cleaning but because he makes sure it NEVER gets dirty.
Many fall in love and wish they would marry a singer forgetting that he will probably be practicing his singing and disturbing their afternoon nap half the time and if he is serious, he would spend A LOT time in his studio composing twenty songs out of which only one will see the light of day.
Everything human has a good side and a bad side, a bright side and a dark side, ups and downs, advantages and disadvantages. And this includes our characters.
The only one I know that ladies are not under the illusion of, ab initio, is when a Pastor is asking them out. Even if they admire him, most turn him down because they know that in the future, he will be consumed by church activities and will more often be with church members than with his family. And right off the bat, some say they don’t want to share their husbands with church.
Most ladies get counselled that being a pastor’s wife means such level of sacrifice on her part in order to be a support for him. They are often told that while he is in church tending the family of God, she needs to help him by being at home with his own family. She is taught to see his areas of weakness as her responsibility and trained to respond with her strength. She is told this is her cross and she should be prepared to bear it. So, in most cases, those who marry pastors are under no illusions as to what they would need to cope with in order to live with the man they love and therefore they are geared towards complementing and completing him. If they have problems in their relationship, it is usually not due to this factor.
I would advise that the same frank assessment ladies who eventually marry pastors conduct on themselves should be imbibed by everyone.
The fun loving sanguine would sometimes be seen as not serious. The pragmatic productive choleric who makes you proud with his achievements will sometimes come across as a bully. The creative genius of the melancholic sometimes gives way to heavy moodiness and the calm, gentle, easy going phlegmatic will sometimes be dull and no fun.
Ask yourself the question, when the down side of this quality start manifesting, would I be able to handle it? What would I feel like doing in response? Would I be patient, knowing that this is just the dark side of the same coin and if I play the cards right, I’ll be a able to flip this coin over to its good side?