A good marriage is possible.

It is a mistake to enter a relationship planning to contribute 50% each. First of all, love is not a partial commitment, it is a sacrificial character. Sacrifice means giving all it takes which would have meant more than 100% if there was such a thing. Secondly, since the arithmetic of marriage is 1+1=1, then coming in with 50% + 50% will only equal 50%.

In order to have a 100% or 5-star relationship and marriage, you have to have what it takes and since what it takes is not automatic, it means we have to go out of our way to acquire what it takes to have a glorious marriage.

The following are only some of such requirements:

  1. Relationship with God.
  2. Marriage, a glorious marriage was God’s idea in the first place. Marriage, just like everything else, went bad when sin entered in and disconnected man from God. Being born again reestablishes that connection.
  3. This is the source of all forms of love. It never changes. If one cannot give and receive agape, it’s only a matter of time before any other expression of love one might be involved in in life becomes self centered and turn sour.


1.   What is love?

Doing what is right in the light of eternity for the object of your affection no matter the cost.

1 Corinthians 13 describes love. The most consistent thing about love is that it gives endlessly. This is why the older translations of the bible present the word for love as “charity”.

At its essence, Love is a giver. And givers never lack. It is more blessed to give than to receive because it will be multiplied back to you again.

Marriage is not a cure for loneliness or unhappiness, only God is. So don’t demand from your spouse what only God can give.


Rom 5:5 … the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

2.   Single and satisfied.

Adam was not complaining and crying for a mate. It was God’s idea to find him a companion. Adam was perfectly comfortable by himself, so much so that when the opportunity came for him to choose a companion, he didn’t grab the first animal that appealed to him. If he did that, he would have ended up with a pet. Instead, knowing who he was, he waited till he met a matching entity and so he recognized her immediately he saw her. Genesis 2:18-23.

The key concept here is self awareness and self development.

  1. Personal Identity. Many things about many of us are copied from people around us whom we admire. We don’t really know our own unique selves. If we don’t learn who we are, hooking up with someone will only connect that person to someone he or she can never get to know and understand.
  2. God has a unique and specific assignment for each one of us. His purpose will stand. It is therefore important for us to connect with people whose lives will not get in the way of God’s plans for our lives and vice versa.
  3. Insight into God’s purpose for your life is critical. This insight guides your every action and choice, including who to partner with in marriage.
  4. Platonic-love relationships (phileo). Practice all the right things you want to do and see in your marriage on your friends, except sex of course. e.g. commitment, accountability, co-operation, speaking frankly without disrespect, forgiveness, preferring one another etc.
  5. People skills. Develop how to work with people, mange them, help them become what they were created to be while at the same time fulfilling your own divine purpose.
  6. Home management skills. For ladies and guys alike. Learn how to keep a home.

3.    Romantic love (Eros).

The excitement of being in love with someone. Romance is not exclusively sex, it also includes making someone feel good about being with you with words, gifts, compliments and so on.

All three must be present for a successful glorious (a.ka. a 5star relationship and marriage)


LOVE = 2 – 1 – 3 = BUSINESS MARRIAGE. Very professional.

LOVE = 3 – 1 – 2 = HOLLYWOOD LOVE. They never last.

LOVE = 1 + 2 – 3 = NO SIZZLE. Functional and stable but no spark nor fun.

LOVE = 1 + 3 – 2 = NO FRIENSDHIP. Communication gap e.t.c.

LOVE = 2 + 3 – 1 = NO REAL COMMITMENT. No respect for marriage covenant and so divorce is ever on the horizon.

Continued in part 2:



  1. “Marriage is not a cure for loneliness or unhappiness, only God is. So don’t demand from your spouse what only God can give.” This was one truth I learnt before getting married and it has really helped. As a single lady or guy, we need to discover ourselves first before getting involved with another person. I see a lot of people living the life style of a Mop, absorbing any behaviour or habit that appeals to them, with no mind of there own. Imagine these same people getting married with this same life style, that marriage would be filled with issues. Thanks for reiterating this fact once again. Good job.


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