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We are still looking at the common factors that people consider as markers to begin dating and now we are ready for #3.

Common reason #3:
Birds of the same feather flock together.

I have had friends and acquaintances who were in distress at one point or the other in their lives because they realised they were being left out of the dating wave. In some cases, it was a lady lamenting how all her sisters, (some younger, some older) were going in and out of relationships with not so much as a second glance from a guy coming the way of the one lamenting.

Sometimes, it’s a guy thinking “all my friends are either engaged or married and I can’t seem to get a lady to agree to go out with me.”

Whichever be the particular scenario, it leads to a number of emotional destinations. Some feel unlovable, some feel left out, depressed and lonesome making them keep to themselves which further worsens their chances at being “found”. Some get jealous, quite sadly, while others get desperate. (We’ve talked about Desperation before now).

The reason for this situation is quite understandable. We all tend to be raised as part of a community. That community would take various forms as we grow up and exert their various pressures on us and our loved ones. Some of the forms we have but didn’t realise what they were include class mates, school mates, work colleagues, fellow church members or even siblings.

We find ourselves doing things not completely because we need to but because of the peer pressure. If my child improved from 20% performance to 75%, I would be happy but only for as long as I don’t find out that my neighbour’s kid improved from 75 to 77% because that discovery would bleach the “flying colours” on my kid’s report sheet. And the child picks up on that ideology, “Life is good when I am able to keep up” and so we grow up with this flock mentality and thus, many of the pressures we experience in life as a whole and in relationships in particular, stem from this perceived need to measure up.

Unfortunately, we forget that no two persons are the same. No, not even “identical twins” (I happen to have twins as kid sisters, very pretty girls… Identical but quite different). No two persons have the same divinely scripted destiny. There is no actual competition with anyone. The only person you should strive to outdo is yesterday’s version of yourself.

Winston Churchill is quoted as saying “Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.” So, don’t panic because everyone else but you seems to be getting the goods, just keep moving forward.

Free yourself from this pressure of trying to keep up. If you’re on a queue for food and the queue is so long that you can’t see the front, yet every few minutes, you see someone walk away from the front with a plate of food, then be patient, the line is moving, it will soon get to your turn. Do whatever is wise and decent for you to do in order to find your soul mate; do it for you and not because of anyone else.

By the way, those friends I mentioned all later found someone who cherished them and they are all married today.


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