Q: My wife thinks that I don’t help enough with house chores especially now we have a baby but I am confused as what she means by not helping enough. What do I do.
A: God bless you, sir. Congrats on the baby.
Actually, the issue of your not helping out enough started before the baby came. Your use of the word “especially” gives me reason to believe that. I think she has been carrying on all the while before now but she realises she can’t don’t alone anymore.
The solution is simple, ask her what she wants done. She will tell you. Before you step out, find out what needs done and get it done. If it’s something you don’t know how to do, ask her to walk you through it. Most likely, once you demonstrate a willingness to learn and help, she would rally herself and come to help you. So she ends up helping you to help her. Isn’t that the way it’s meant to be?
No matter what those things are that you think she is trying to use house work to prevent you from enjoying, perhaps friends, a movie, football or others, those things will come and go.
Let me share this story I came across a while back.
A TOUCHING STORY!
One day, during an evening class for adults, the psychology Teacher entered the class and told his students, “Let’s all play a game!” “What Game?” The Teacher asked one of the students to volunteer.
A lady, Aliza came forward. The Teacher asked her to write 30 names of most important people in her life on blackboard. Aliza wrote names of her family members, relatives, friends, her colleagues and her neighbors.
The Teacher told her to erase 3 names that Aliza considered most unimportant. Aliza erased names of her colleagues. The Teacher again told her to delete 5 more names. Aliza erased her neighbor’s names. This went on until there were just four names left on the blackboard. These were names of her mother, father, husband and the only son.
The entire class became silent realizing that this wasn’t a game anymore for Aliza alone.
Now, The Teacher told her to delete two more name. It was a very difficult choice for Aliza. She unwillingly deleted her parents names.
“Please delete one more” said the Teacher. Aliza became very nervous and with trembling hands and tears in eyes she deleted her son’s name. Aliza cried painfully…The Teacher told Aliza to take her seat.
After a while Teacher asked “Why your husband? The parents are the ones that nurtured you, and the son is the one you gave birth to. And you can always find another husband!!!”
Total silence in the class.
Everyone was curious to know her response. Aliza calmly and slowly said, “One day my parents will pass away before me. My son may also leave me when he grows old, for his studies or business or whatever reason. The only one who will truly share his entire life with me, is my Husband”.
All the students stood up and applauded her for sharing this truth of life.
Remember, this is your family o, your own wife, the one you promised to have and to hold, to love and cherish through all conditions of life. What is so big a deal in helping her as she takes care of you and your baby?
God said to me sometime before I got married, “If you treat your wife, the way I treat you, you won’t have problems”. Believe me, God was right (as if He could ever be wrong, right?)
Brother, please, get to helping and do it with a smile. Your wife did not become a slave because she helped clean the house all this while and she still had time to please you sexually or you would not have that baby you have today. You won’t become a slave by helping either … it’s your house.
Remember Joseph, the one betrayed by his brothers? He was a slave. He was given slave status, slave chores, slave rations of food, slave clothes, slave sleeping quarters, slave everything. But do you know why Joseph could not remain a slave? He chose to serve. Rather than slave at his chores, Joseph served his master. He used the grace of God and his integrity to seek his master’s highest good and the master came to trust him. When Potiphar’s wife accused him of sexual assault, if Joseph had been a regular dispensable slave, Potiphar would have chopped off his head without remorese and would not have been questioned by anyone; his jealous rage would have been justified.
Women are multipliers; they multiply whatever you give them. Treat her the way you want God to treat you, seek her highest good and you’ll be glad you did because it will come back to you good measure pressed down and running over.
It is well with you.