Relationship pitfalls and how to avoid them. Part 1

The relationship between a man and a woman is supposed to be a very enjoyable journey, however, since people are not perfect, we run into problems from time to time because we do not foresee some problems that may arise or do not even know what to do in order to avoid these problems and we end up having crises.

Good relationships have been lost because of these problems and because we do not know why, we tend to blame the loss of the relationship on the other person. We move on to the next relationship and to the next and to the next and we keep encountering similar issues, then we conclude that either the opposite sex can never be trusted or we entirely give up on relationships and on God and decide to stay single. This is also a very terrible.

Some of the pitfalls a relationship can have can usually be prevented before the relationship even starts. There are always warning signs but we tend to ignore them and tell ourselves that love is blind.

I am going to be talking about some of these pitfalls and what we can do to prevent them from occurring.

… Part 2 is on the way.


Dr Linda Oyanna is a public speaker on health, relationship, marriage and family. She is a mother figure, mentor and role model for several young ladies who desire the balance she has been able to achieve among her many roles.


Husband or House-help?

Q: My wife thinks that I don’t help enough with house chores especially now we have a baby but I am confused as what she means by not helping enough. What do I do.

A: God bless you, sir. Congrats on the baby.

Actually, the issue of your not helping out enough started before the baby came. Your use of the word “especially” gives me reason to believe that. I think she has been carrying on all the while before now but she realises she can’t don’t alone anymore.

The solution is simple, ask her what she wants done. She will tell you. Before you step out, find out what needs done and get it done. If it’s something you don’t know how to do, ask her to walk you through it. Most likely, once you demonstrate a willingness to learn and help, she would rally herself and come to help you. So she ends up helping you to help her. Isn’t that the way it’s meant to be? 

No matter what those things are that you think she is trying to use house work to prevent you from enjoying, perhaps friends, a movie, football or others, those things will come and go.

Let me share this story I came across a while back.

One day, during an evening class for adults, the psychology Teacher entered the class and told his students, “Let’s all play a game!” “What Game?” The Teacher asked one of the students to volunteer.

A lady, Aliza came forward. The Teacher asked her to write 30 names of most important people in her life on blackboard. Aliza wrote names of her family members, relatives, friends, her colleagues and her neighbors.

The Teacher told her to erase 3 names that Aliza considered most unimportant. Aliza erased names of her colleagues. The Teacher again told her to delete 5 more names. Aliza erased her neighbor’s names. This went on until there were just four names left on the blackboard. These were names of her mother, father, husband and the only son.

The entire class became silent realizing that this wasn’t a game anymore for Aliza alone.

Now, The Teacher told her to delete two more name. It was a very difficult choice for Aliza. She unwillingly deleted her parents names.

“Please delete one more” said the Teacher. Aliza became very nervous and with trembling hands and tears in eyes she deleted her son’s name. Aliza cried painfully…The Teacher told Aliza to take her seat.

After a while Teacher asked “Why your husband? The parents are the ones that nurtured you, and the son is the one you gave birth to. And you can always find another husband!!!”

Total silence in the class.

Everyone was curious to know her response. Aliza calmly and slowly said, “One day my parents will pass away before me. My son may also leave me when he grows old, for his studies or business or whatever reason. The only one who will truly share his entire life with me, is my Husband”.

All the students stood up and applauded her for sharing this truth of life.

Remember, this is your family o, your own wife, the one you promised to have and to hold, to love and cherish through all conditions of life. What is so big a deal in helping her as she takes care of you and your baby?

God said to me sometime before I got married, “If you treat your wife, the way I treat you, you won’t have problems”. Believe me, God was right (as if He could ever be wrong, right?)

Brother, please, get to helping and do it with a smile. Your wife did not become a slave because she helped clean the house all this while and she still had time to please you sexually or you would not have that baby you have today. You won’t become a slave by helping either … it’s your house.

Remember Joseph, the one betrayed by his brothers? He was a slave. He was given slave status, slave chores, slave rations of food, slave clothes, slave sleeping quarters, slave everything. But do you know why Joseph could not remain a slave? He chose to serve. Rather than slave at his chores, Joseph served his master. He used the grace of God and his integrity to seek his master’s highest good and the master came to trust him. When Potiphar’s wife accused him of sexual assault, if Joseph had been a regular dispensable slave, Potiphar would have chopped off his head without remorese and would not have been questioned by anyone; his jealous rage would have been justified. 

Women are multipliers; they multiply whatever you give them. Treat her the way you want God to treat you, seek her highest good and you’ll be glad you did because it will come back to you good measure pressed down and running over. 

It is well with you.

Hey Doc!: Pregnancy without Menstruating

Q: Dr, after childbirth, pls how is it possible that a woman can conceive again even without menstral flow? Does it mean one can ovulate even without a cycle?

A: 😊
As a matter of fact, it happens aaaa loooooooot.

What you’re referring to as cycle is menstrual flow and perhaps the reason for your surprise that this can happen. 

The menstrual flow is only one component of the menstrual cycle. Ovulation is another.

What you have at the menstrual flow is as a product of the levels of endometrium building hormones. After delivery, it takes a while for those hormones to get back to the usual mix that gives the usual pattern of events in your cycle. For some women, it never goes back to what it used to be. Some menstruate for more days, some fewer, some have a longer cycle and others are shortened.

Now, all this up and down with the menstrual flow, plus active full time breast feeding, might suppress ovulation but for some, it doesn’t. If sex is engaged during this period of unpredictability without barrier methods, in particular, it’s possible to visit the delivery suite in less than a year after the last visit. 

No harm, it’s just more love in your home.

Mr Bad Guy

Q: I’m confused, I dont know what to do… My parents believe the lady I’m dating is not my wife though my parents have not met the lady and even before that I had series of nightmares about this lady. Now when I told the lady I’m no more interested in the relationship she started raining curses on me like I betrayed her. This went on for a month. She did all she could to paint me as the bad guy in the midst of my friends … and after that she started calling my friends to beg me to accept her back.

My friends now see me as the bad man … I am confused I don’t know what to do.


Many points here:

1. You had nightmares.

The value of dreams is not in the fact that you have them but that you received a message through them and how you respond to them is predicated on whether God has been using dreams to communicate with you before now. 

If these two points are in the affirmative (i.e. if you received a clear message to withdraw and God has been guiding you in your dreams), then my brother, even if your parents had kept quiet, you have cause to withdraw from the relationship.

2. Your parents warned you.

The value of your parents warning can only be weighed against the past. Have they been offering you godly counsel before now? Have they always demonstrated spiritual sensitivity in matters relating to your life and other subjects? 

If the answers are yes, then dream or no dream, you have cause for pause. You should at least recheck prayerfully.

3. She is raining curses on you.

Usually, when a lady is jilted, you can expect drama. This can vary from total withdrawal to mourn and cry or absolute aggressive violence. You probably would react in some similar fashion if she had been the one who ended the relationship.

Whatever be the case, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. A Christian woman should not be pouring out curses no matter what she’s been put through and if she is resorting to curses now, even if you marry her, expect to be cursed for any reason that is not palatable to her. She wanted a Benz Jeep but you got her Toyota Jeep because that’s what you could pay for at that time, she will curse you. You got a new job that requires you to move your family to Abuja and you ask her to quit her job and move with you, she will curse you. 

Your wife is meant to bless you and to be a blessing and the Bible says it’s better to live on the corner of the roof than in a mansion with a contentious woman.

Pastor Bimbo Odukoya used to warn us about warning signs and she always said Christians typically ignore them. 

This is a warning sign, ignore it at your own risk.

4. Badmouthed you to your friends.

Another warning sign. If a woman would go around trying to ruin your reputation because she’s upset with you, hmmmm … I’ve heard of women who go to their husbands’ places of work to go and make a crazy scene just to embarrass the husband. 

It’s a different thing if she complained to your friends so they could call you to order but deliberately maligning you among your friends, that’s dangerous.

5. She is calling your family and friends for a chance to return.

Nothing wrong with that on its own but she offends you and is calling other people but not you, that tells me she doesn’t take responsibility for her actions. One of the things you expect from an adult is that she bears the consequences of her actions, good or bad.

6. Your friends think you’re a bad guy.

Bro, if your friends think she’s so wonderful, let one of them marry her. When trouble explodes in your marriage, they will only encourage you, they will be in their own homes living peacefully.

Your friends make up one of four categories of counsellors you need in life. But counsellors do not make decisions for you.

You should not be confused. Prayerfully decide what you want to do and get it done. You’re a man, this is one of the implications of being a man.

My advice, let her go. If she’s a child of God, He will take care of her.

Performance Enhancement

​Q: Sir, is it wrong for a Christian man to take sex performance enhancing drugs?


Using glasses enhances sight performance in the face of obvious limitations and anomalies. Same thing to me as sex performance enhancing medications.

If there is a medical condition causing erectile dysfunction, and sexual satisfaction is becoming a problem especially for your wife, then, under guidance of your Doctor, I believe it’s okay. 

Bear in mind that drugs have side effects. This is why I said you should see your doctor first.


​Lessons from the book of Joshua

Joshua 24:29 … after these things …

Any number of things could have killed Joshua: the many battles he fought in his youth under Moses and in his old age, the forty year trek in the desert that, at God’s instance, claimed the lives of all his contemporaries but Caleb, or his age plain and simple. However, Joshua did not die until after his task as the leader of the nation was complete.

The same was documented concerning David.

Act 13:36  For David, after he had served his own generation by the will of God, fell on sleep, and was laid unto his fathers… 

Jesus said, 

John 10:17-18  Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again.  No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father. 

The Apostle Paul, although captive and in prison stated, after some thinking, that he would stay alive for the benefit of the church (Philippians 1:19-24) and he, indeed, did not die until he was sure his task was done.

2Timothy 4:6-7  For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished [my] course, I have kept the faith.

Even though his sentence was death by brutal beheading, that sentence was not carried out until Paul felt his task was done and he was ready.

I hold to these scripture that I cannot be killed and I will not die until my God-given life task is complete.

I must caution, though, that this is not a simple name it and claim it deal. To be able to live life with such a conviction and actually come to the point of physical death on your own terms is predicated upon knowing what course you have been given by the will and commandment of God and finishing it.

I make bold to make such a claim based on the word of God because, based on the word of God, I have found my life’s course. I have found God’s calling and purpose for my life and I am pursuing it with all my heart by the will of God. This is worth makes life worth living and death precious. 

Psalms 116:15  Precious [Heb: valuable, costly, excellent] in the sight of the LORD [is] the death of his saints. 

Exercise all diligence to find what God made you to accomplish and live your life for it; any other cause you fulfill amounts to nothing. If you live for nothing, you will die for nothing. Please, don’t die for nothing.



Joshua 24:26 – 27 – The Sword in the Stone

… Joshua wrote the words and set up a large stone …

The large stone had no information on it to let passers-by know why it was where it was. It was merely a silent witness to an event. However, to those who were present at the event or have been told about it, the stone meant a lot yet it still said nothing. It was present at an event whose story it was incapable of relating. The other player, the document, had all the information to the letter but was kept out of sight. If no one mentioned the script, it would lay quiet in storage but to make sure it was not forgotten, the large stone was left to stand and point to seekers that there was more truth for those who would go for it. The stone was purposeless without the script and the script was invisible without the stone. The script was kept out of sight but remained authoritatively final about everything, while the stone remained in plain sight providing rock solid evidence of what was invisible. The script and the stone: Two point documentation. 

By two witnesses or three, a matter is established as fact. (Matthew 18:16)

This is the testament of the empty tomb and the stone that was rolled away. There is a large stone standing to the side of that empty tomb that is a silent witness to an earth shaking event but it lacks the power of speech and cannot tell all the many pilgrims who throng it what it saw and how come it stands where it does. But it was there as it watched The Ultimate Script, the final authority on all that ever was and is and is to come, The Word Himself, rise from death and walk away. 

Funny thing is that stone cannot tell where The Word went. It didn’t witness the events after the tomb. But, thanks be to God, there were other stones there that morning who saw that the tomb was empty, and they saw the master again and again for forty days and they saw Him rise into the heavens. One of them happens to be named Stone (Peter, in case you didn’t know, means stone) but that’s not what made him suitable as a pointer to where Jesus is, it is the power to become witnesses that came on him and all the others that transformed them all into living stones with the power of speech and signs and wonders to boldly testify of the state and plans of The Living Word. 

I am beginning to think it was not for fun that he was surnamed Stone, and I suspect our humorous God did it deliberately, and it is interesting that it was Peter who thus wrote:

1Pe 2:3-5  If so be ye have tasted [and can testify] that the Lord [is] gracious. To whom coming, [as unto] a living stone, disallowed indeed of men, but chosen of God, [and] precious,  Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ. 

1Pe 2:9  But ye [are] a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: 

We also today walking around as living stones have a purpose for being out in the open and visible for all to see. 

2Corinthians 3:2-3  Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men: [Forasmuch as ye are] manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart. 

But unlike the stone Joshua raised or the one at the empty tomb, we have the power of speech and so much more.

Act 1:8  But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me.

So, even God used the two point documentation of the Script and the stones in keeping his love and salvation through Jesus ever available for those who seek Him. 

It makes sense then that as a leader, two point documentation of our intentions, actions and as well as the reactions of our team be documented no matter how many persons were present to hear what you said, time will gradually fade it down till the message is lost. I guess that’s why photos are taken at the signing of major documents such as treaties and alliances and so on. The aim is to keep a clear message and record available for those who would come later so they would know what happened. Like someone said, if you blink in the dark, you know what you’re doing but no one else does. Let there be light!