I am a young man who loves God and i have faithfully kept my body for my intending wife. I have no experience in that area. I don’t also want to go online to watch porn. I really don’t want to disappoint her on our wedding night. So what do you advice me to do?
Valid concern. I commend your life of chastity and for the sense to avoid pornography. I have a friend who is a sex counsellor and she helps couples having problems in this areas. She pointed out something that should be obvious to us but we forget. Porn movies are performed by actors paid to create the impression that sex in a certain way or style or whatever is so mind blowing. The repercussion is that people who watch them will never be sexually satisfied because they are not getting it quite like those guys on TV.
Watching pornography to learn how to have sex is setting exam for yourself by yourself which you will still fail miserably.
Now, wedding night. The big deal about the wedding night is not because some special magic will happen to you. Sex on the wedding night is the same as every other night after that. The only difference is that it’s the first time you will experience such.
That right there is the issue – The first time. If the woman you marry has also never been sexually active, I am sure she will have the same anxiety as you’re having. Both of you need to calm down and also calm each other down.
Who taught Adam and Eve what to do and how to do it?
The instinct has been programmed into your body, just go with it. It might be slow at first but you’ll eventually get a hang of it.
Ask anyone, sex in marriage gets better as the couple progresses. It’s a journey, an adventure of discovery you take together. Whatever happens between you and your bride on your wedding night, like every other thing, is between both of you and it’s up to you to make of it what you decide together. If you guys take it to be a disastrous big deal, so it will be. If you take it to be fun adventure with a clumsy start, so it will be.
As you draw close to your wedding date, I counsel about a month to, bring up sex as a topic. Let her know that you intend to please her sexually but she should also bear with you as it would be your first time. If she is wise, she will realise that marriage is beyond sex and she will accommodate you. It would be easier for her to support you if you have been supportive of her before now.
There are godly books about sex. You could pick to read a short while before your wedding or even together during your honeymoon as you both learn to please each other.
I do not counsel bringing up sex earlier than a month to your because once you open the can on sex by talking about it, the pressure to get sexual in your relationship becomes astronomical for most people and many don’t escape it. But close to your wedding, you’re surrounded by people and your mind is occupied with wedding plans you have very little time to dwell on the thoughts so it helps.
There is a first time for everything, only God gets everything right the very first time.