Very Few Good Men

Q:

I’m currently in a relationship but the challenge I have is the fact my girlfriend find it hard to believe men don’t cheat because of previous experience and it’s really hard to convince her. She is always looking for a reason to believe you will cheat. She loves me am very sure of that but this her perception of men is really a problem.

A:

God is good o.
This is all about trust. Trust and fair judgement.

It’s unfortunate the sister is not the one I’m talking with now but it’s really not fair of her. It’s one thing to hold a person’s offence against him, it’s quite another to be punishing someone else for it.
Aren’t there women who cheat as well? Most commercial sex workers aka prostitutes are women so should one expect and believe she will also turn to prostitution in the future?

A lot of girls are only interested in the money a guy will spend on them, but would it be fair to assume same of her especially when she has not shown any such tendency?
If the roles were reversed, the language would be that the guy is jealous, and over protective and so on.
She should think about it.
The foundation for a stable relationship and marriage starts first with two stable persons. If one or both bring unresolved personal issues into the marriage, the problem will not go away, instead it is multiplied. As I keep saying, marriage is not a transformer but an amplifier. If she is not ready to offer trust, she should ask herself if she really wants to be in a relationship. Because the fact is, there will always be situations where all the facts she has points one way whereas the truth is in the opposite direction.

Unfortunately, she is allowing the devil to use the weakness of character of other people to determine how happy she will be in her relationship and marriage. If she were here, I’d tell her to take back control of her happiness from the devil and the men he used to hurt her.

Meanwhile, sir, you have your work cut out for you. The fact is, before this is all over, you will cheat on her. Whether real or apparent will not matter to her. The day you smile at a sister in church, you have started. If you linger in a handshake or one excited sister gives you a hug, you are cheating. A lady needs help and you offer, “Why must it be you, aren’t there other men, could she not ask a woman?” You gave a lady a lift or a female colleague’s name pops up in your conversation more than once in a year, you will hear it. And if you happen to be a leader in the church, perhaps a musician, you’re in soup. We all know how ladies gather round and respond to talented men.
Your work, brother, is to do all you can to earn her trust. Show to her that you are a man who is seeking to please God (not just her) and out of love for God you will maintain your integrity. You have to have a frank and respectful talk with her to let her know you understand what she has gone through and how it is affecting her life. Then go about trying to win her trust. If you love her, give her this gift of a sense security with you.

But before all this, you have to first be certain whether God wants you in this relationship or not, because if you later find out you should quit it, her current assumption would only be further strengthened and no matter what you offer her as your reason, she will believe it’s because some other girl has caught your fancy.

Here’s part of the impact of us guys getting involved with sisters without being certain that you really intend to settle with her. Just dating for the fun of being with a girl is very damaging to the girl. She opens her heart to you, sex or no sex, when you leave her you damage her. Some have left the faith on that account alone because they concluded that church guys are no different from unbelieving guys while others end up making life horrible for your fellow brother who ends up marrying them.
Let’s be more careful how we treat our sisters, remember, they are first God’s girlfriends. He is merely loaning them to us.

Advertisements

Hey Doc!: Back Flow of Semen

Q:

Sir, can you help shed more light on what is called “EDA” in Yoruba? I don’t know the English name.

A: 

“Eda” is a euphemism for infertility. Yoruba women (and their relatives too, who may even be the ones making the complaint on their behalf) are often embarrassed to say they are having problems with fertility, so they will just tell you, the doctor, that the woman has a problem with “eda”, which literally means a flow of semen back out of the vagina after intercourse.

Since this also occurs in women all over the world, they have other names for it in their various languages.

Let’s walk through a portion of this process. 

Sperm cells are produced in the testicles and kept in a very thick but tiny quantity of fluid. During intercourse, this mix of cells and fluid is pulled up through the prostate where some more fluid is added and it becomes more watery. Without this additional fluid, the semen will be too thick and might not make it out of the man’s penis, rather it might just be smeared on the wall of his urethra.

The well mixed fluid (about 2 to 4 ml) is ejaculated into the vagina and deposited near the cervix. Immediately after this, it thickens a little to make it sticky so that it gets stuck on or near the cervix. This happens in seconds and nobody notices. 

After a while, this thickened semen liquefies to allow the sperm cells swim up the cervix into the uterus in search of the woman’s egg.

Although only one, rarely two sperm cells ever fertilize the egg, normal sperm densities range from 15 million to greater than 200 million sperm per milliliter of semen. You are considered to have a low sperm count if you have fewer than 15 million sperm per milliliter or less than 39 million sperm total per ejaculate.

The time it takes for the semen to liquefy is important because the sperm cells don’t carry their own fuel. They depend on the fuel in the seminal fluid and even that one is limited. So before they run out of fuel and die off, they have to enter the cervix where the fuel supply is endless, that way they can survive for up to 6 days.

The sooner the semen liquefies, the better. Delay in liquefaction beyond 20 to 30 minutes is a factor considered in infertility due to male causes and not as a female cause of infertility.

If delayed liquefaction occurs, your doctor may follow up with a post-coital test (PCT). This fertility test evaluates the woman’s cervical mucus after sexual intercourse. If sperm are found and moving normally, the delayed liquefaction is not considered a problem.

So, with liquefaction, the seminal fluid, now void of sperm cells flow back out of the woman’s vagina. Depending on the quantity deposited by the man, she might notice only a slight drop or it might be a significant flow that requires cleaning. Ideally, this happens almost immediately after intercourse is completed, as I said earlier. So, all women will have this flow back. 

So, contrary to the belief, this eda is actually a normal thing. If the woman does not experience it, it might mean her husband’s semen is either too thick or very small in volume. If it is too thick, it might be responsible for their infertility and so should be further investigated by a reproductive health specialist.

There are many causes of infertility and sadly, eda is not one of them and it is wrongly blamed on women. It’s one of the social injustices against women embedded in our traditions and is based on inadequate or complete lack of knowledge.

Q: Thank you Sir for the enlightenment.

A: You’re welcome.

TWO LUNG SURGERIES, A LUNG TRANSPLANT AND DOUBLE LEG AMPUTATION LATER

TWO LUNG SURGERIES, A LUNG TRANSPLANT AND DOUBLE LEG AMPUTATION LATER
An Interview With The Fabulous Dr. Irene Olumese, Founder of The Feet of Grace Foundation

About me…
My name is Dr. Irene Olumese, wife of Dr. Peter Olumese and mother of Peter and David. I am a Christian, I believe in God, I love Him passionately, and it is nothing compared to the way He loves me! I worked with United Nations Children’s Funds (UNICEF) for 15 years in three countries; Nigeria, Ghana, and Egypt. I love to read and sing – I call myself a one-woman bathroom choir.

My story…
I got married in 1992 and was expecting a baby and in January 1993, but I lost my baby at 32 weeks. This stillbirth was traumatic, but the word of God comforted me. 2 weeks later, I got appointed into UNICEF, and then I went for training with officers in Kaduna, Nigeria; it was Easter 1993. At the training, I started coughing. I remember vividly that we were in the training hall on Good Friday, and this cough just went on and on. I came back to Lagos and treated it, but it just wouldn’t go.

After a couple of months of using one antibiotic after the other without any improvement, my doctors wanted a full work up, and the X-ray showed a shadow in my chest. My doctors began to investigate further and realized that I needed to have surgery. In June 1993, I had a cardiothoracic surgery to remove a cyst the size of my fist, the doctors said. So when that came out, we felt that was the end of the cough. No, the cough didn’t stop, it continued, and it got worse. I had my first son in 1994; then I saw there were other symptoms that were coming up. I was having allergies of unknown origin; my eyelids just dropped, my pupils fully diluted and the doctors said this looked like a myasthenic syndrome – a degenerative disease of the neuromuscular junction and it causes a weakling of the muscles. My facial muscles were weak; my eyes were drooping and all that. However, no matter what the doctors said, as soon as we stepped out of the doctor’s office, my husband would ask “who’s report do you believe?” and I would answer “I believe in the report of the Lord’. We just used the scripture to counter everything said. In the course of these events, I had my second child in 1997 while I was working to finish my doctorate.

By 1998, I was working as a full-time officer in UNICEF, I was nursing a child, and working on Ph.D. which I finished that year. One day in October, I had a complete relapse again. While washing my baby, my hands just went flaccid; and my baby just dropped into the bowl of water, my chest became heavy. This was already five years of non – stop coughing. It was the kind of coughing where you cough so hard that your bladder threatens to open up. The cough was so bad that I ended up in the intensive care unit that month. That was when the doctors concluded that the diagnosis was bronchiectasis. This is a disease in which the walls of the airways become damaged resulting in accumulation of secretions in the lungs and recurrent chest infection. When they told me I said no, I wasn’t ready to accept that.

I went to the US for a second opinion, but the doctors there also confirmed exactly what my doctors in Nigeria said and even added more. This is because the respiratory disease is now combined with the myasthenia, a degenerative disease,was progressively debilitating. They said within 5 – 10 years I would be wheelchair-bound because the disease just leaves every muscle so weak that the individual is not able to do things by themselves. I refused to accept that prognosis. So I started the medications, and the medication was pretty expensive. While worrying and complaining, a dear sister of mine said to me, ‘why don’t you thank God that you have a job that can pay for the drugs and medical insurance?’. So that was how we were able to manage the problem. Shortly after I returned to Nigeria, I had to move from Ibadan to Lagos to work while still dealing with the problem.

In 2002, I got posted to Tamale, Ghana but had to be in Accra once a month. Hence, I did a lot of traveling back and forth; it was pretty hectic and stressful. The weather was also not kind to me, but I was able to manage it for two years until one day when both of my lungs collapsed suddenly while in Tamale. The medical facilities available could not manage the problem. My office called Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso but they also did not have the required medical facilities for this purpose. They could not fly me down to Accra because of my compromised respiratory condition. I was taken down from Tamale to Accra in an ambulance without an air conditioner, without oxygen and it was such a long journey. We only stopped to refuel in Kumasi, and at this point, I asked myself ‘will I make it to Accra?’

We eventually got to Accra where I spent six weeks at the 37 Military Hospital. They tried to drain my chest, but the situation wasn’t improving. I was in and out of the high dependency ward. At that point in time, my office decided that I should be evacuated as an international staff; they were not ready to take further risk. The point of evacuation was to South Africa because I’m an African, but because my husband worked in Switzerland, he insisted that I should be evacuated to Switzerland. In June 2003 exactly ten years after the first cardiothoracic surgery, I had to have another cardiothoracic surgery to clean out my lungs after all that had happened. At that point, I had to make a decision about my work; I decided to go on a special leave without pay.

I settled my children down in Switzerland because they had been with me in Ghana. Later in November 2003, I returned to Ghana to pack my things without finishing my contract. The next few years were really tough years. Financially it was difficult because I had taken a loan to buy a house with my husband, secured by our two jobs and all of a sudden, we only had one source of income that had to pay for my huge medical bills, children’s international school fees, house and the loan. I did everything I could; I sold Mary Kay makeup, I sold pots and did whatever was possible for me to do but I could not get a professional job. The money did not even come near what we needed, but at least I had a sense of making some contribution.

In 2006, God provoked a recommendation on my behalf, and I was able to go back to work again. This time in Cairo, Egypt. I stayed there for three weekends and came home on the 4th weekend every month. During that period, Cairo was very hot and dusty; it was not good for the respiratory system (all this while I was still coughing and medicating). It got quite severe one day while I was traveling from Cairo to Geneva, and I had a relapse on the plane. I just couldn’t breathe. I came out of the plane and had to be taken in an ambulance to get to the Airport Clinic. Later I went to my doctors for a check-up. At that point, my doctors told me that my lung functional capacity is depressed, and therefore, I needed to have supplemental oxygen. It meant that I needed to have oxygen supplied by an external source, in my house, at work and wherever I was. They felt that it was not right for me to go back to work in Cairo. The project I was working on in Cairo was already challenged by so many problems, and I felt that I couldn’t abandon them in the middle of it. So I asked if I could be allowed just to go and finish that particular project and then come back. They insisted that I must ensure that there was an oxygen cylinder in my office, an oxygen concentrator at home and one that I can spray on in between the house and the office before they allowed me to return to Cairo to finish the project.

I trusted God for favor, and our family friends in Cairo just took it upon themselves to make sure everything was in place. We finished that project at the end of December to the glory of God, and I returned to Switzerland. I got back to Switzerland January 2008 and went from a ‘26-hour’ day agenda to a snow-white agenda. I had nothing else that I could do with myself except to medicate and nebulize to keep my lungs clear of infection and to cough and cough all day long. Just taking care of my health was a full-time job, and because we didn’t want to bring somebody else in to care for me. It was just my husband, sons and me for the next couple of years.

By 2010, the situation had become so bad that at this point the doctors said there were no more medical options and that I needed to be on the ventilator in my own home. They said that in the night because the lungs will become so weak, I may forget to breathe while sleeping, so I had a ventilator at home to breathe for me at night. I lost weight – from 83kg to about 50kg thereabout. The doctors told me the only option I had left was to have a lung transplant. Of course, lung transplant meant somebody was going to have to die for me to live, and I struggled with that. I didn’t know how to pray for somebody to die so I could live. I went before the Lord and said, ‘this is too much.’ His word comforted me, but I asked for one request, ‘Lord whoever this person is going to be, let him/her know You and have a relationship with You, so that I can see him/her in heaven.”

After three years of waiting, I got a call on a Saturday that they had found a suitable donor and I went in for the surgery. I didn’t wake up until five weeks later. Apparently, after the surgery, I developed post-surgical complications, and my system started shutting down, so they had to induce a medical coma. When I woke up from the coma, I was very confused; I had a lot of frightening experiences while I was in a coma. I couldn’t vocalize because I had a tube in my throat attached to a machine that was breathing for me. I didn’t know they were not hearing me. I got so angry because they were not answering my questions.

The doctors came to me, and my husband told me “You had very good lungs, they have stayed. Your body didn’t reject them.” But, because of the complications I had during the surgery, there was poor blood circulation to my hands and legs. This meant the death of the tissues had occurred and they would need to amputate both my legs and my hands. At that point, I had had enough. I just said ‘Lord, just take me home.’ I was not going to be a burden to my family, without hands and legs. What was the point of lungs anyway?

In those two weeks, a friend of ours gave us a word that ‘God will give me the feet of grace that will take me to places my natural feet cannot take me, places beyond my imagination.’ Two weeks after I came out of the coma, I was back in the theatre again, and at the end of May, my two legs were amputated below the knee. To the glory of God, I recovered the use of my hands, life came back to it, and I began to learn to write again. For three months, I was still going to clinics to have the dead tissues, evacuated from the wounds.

I asked God what next? I survived a lung transplant. I am an amputee, what was I going to do next? He impressed on my heart that I am to inspire hope and by taking my story everywhere He would open the door to me. I knew my assignment was clear. And since He had told me long ago that He had called me be an Inspirational Speaker, I knew years later; this was where it was going to be.

The other part was to enrich lives. I wondered what I was supposed to do to enrich lives? While I was going through my rehabilitation, I began to wonder how amputees in poor communities managed. Because to date, we had spent $35,000.00 on mine. I began to make investigations on who supports amputees in the poor communities in Nigeria where I had influence. By the end of that year, I knew I had to have something to do with this.

My life now…
We set up a foundation called “The Feet of Grace Foundation,” and this is the third year of its operation. We do an Annual Charity Walk, every April – commemorating my second chance at life and in memory of my unknown benefactor. By the end of 2017, we have provided support to 20 amputees in the form of prosthetic limbs, wheelchairs, scholarship and seed funds to women to restart their businesses.

I also started learning how to bead while I was in the hospital as I recovered the use of my hands. I just wanted to able to contribute something no matter how little to the family income considering how much my medical expenses had depleted our finances. My husband never complained, but I just didn’t feel happy not being a contributing partner. My book also got finished in the process, it is the story of my life, and it is called, “Grace in the Storms” ( https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/9785279073/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1521740297&sr=8-2&keywords=Grace+In+the+storms also available in Challenge Bookshops in Ghana). It was written to do exactly what I do; to inspire hope and encourage people who are going through life challenges. I speak at women conferences and churches as well.

My advice to women…
Never give up on hope. You see if you give up on hope, it’s a death sentence. Don’t let the enemy have the last laugh. God has to have the last laugh. Jump on adversity like a springboard, and it will take you to the next level. Thank you.

_______________________________________
Interview by: Ama Duncan, Corporate Trainer and Founder of The Fabulous Woman Network
Source: The Fabulous Woman Network Facebook page

YARNS OF INSPIRATION

Firewall

Q: Sir, if I get you right, you give advice of marrying one’s friend which mostly likely means both might have been having feelings together long before the relationship started officially and probably it took them couple of years before getting married. Sir how can this issue of emotions setting in that can lead to sex can be solved. If it happens to you how did you resolve it? Because just mere friends that are very very close can be together even lonely and nothing will happen, and why it always happen during relationship?

A:

The changes in relationships is not the physical proximity with the other person but the level of permission we give ourselves with that person.

When you are platonic friends, even if you consider the person pretty, there is no conscious or subconscious permission to be romantically drawn and exposed to the person so even if you bump into each other, nothing happens.

But once one of you is “having feelings” for the other, you start feeling some how around the person. A hand shake leaves your heart racing and all that jazz. But you still can’t act on it because there is no conscious permission from yourself since you know there is nothing on the other side.

But once you guys have consented to a relationship, the walls come down; No more subconscious defence. Sexual attraction becomes a formidable entity in your interactions. You have to deal with it.

Dealing with it means you don’t discuss sex beyond stating your ground rules of no sex before marriage. Once you start discussing sex, it becomes easier to engage in it.

There are countless things to do while you’re dating. Sex or avoiding sex is not the only subject in your interactions. Get busy with those things.

Avoid setting traps for yourselves … visiting when you’re tired or not feeling well or being alone in the name of watching movies while speaking in tongues to subdue sexual desires and so on.

You can’t control the flesh with tongues.

Rom 8:7 Because the carnal mind [is] enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

The Bible says flee. You can’t be more spiritual than God.

Q: Sir, I believe in no sex before marriage but I always find myself falling victim. What can I do?

Your question, I think, has been partly answered above.

If you fall into sin of any kind, repent sincerely. And let the grace of God and his practical wisdom help you.

Avoid trapping yourself.

Sometimes, we do stupid things. You dress in an eye catching way then visit each other and stay in environments conducive for sexual intimacy … sex is not far behind.

So, be smart.

Hey Doc!: Sex on a Mission

Q: 

Please, I have a question. 

Since I put to bed 2 years ago I’ve been trying to get  pregnant again with no success. I went for a test that said I have an infection and I have treated it. My husband and I have gone for tests again. We are free but still I want to ask if there is any drug I can take.


A:

There is the fact that infection can be implicated as a cause for reduced fertility. There are also other causes. 

There is what is known as Sub-fertility as against infertility. People with subfertility might have one child and struggle to have another but eventually do without intervention.

If you wish, you could do fertility tests to ascertain the cause. Unless there are obvious treatable causes, nothing really can be done medically. 

There are assisted conception procedures such as artificial insemination, in-vitro fertilization and Intra cytoplasmic sperm cell injection. The financial cost increases from the first to the third as listed.

As I said, most couples end up having further children on their own. Just relax and trust God but in the mean time, enjoy your marriage and your husband; sex is not just for getting pregnant but also for taking physical pleasure in each other. Use this opportunity as a chance to connect deeper in physical intimacy with your husband.

Your children will come.

The Black Panther after Christ

The most recent Hollywood bomb is the movie, the Black Panther. There were a few well known faces like Forrest Whittaker and Angela Bassett. And Lupita Nyong’o who seems to have become a rising sensation.

And then there is Shuri … played by Letitia Wright.

I’d never heard of before though she has been on screen for a while now, after her role in the Black Panther, she is now referred to as a breakout star. Everybody knows Shuri now.

According to her, she almost missed out on the role after hitting a crisis in her life, dumping acting and going on a search for God.

“I needed to take a break from acting because I really idolized it. So I came off from it and I went on a journey to discover my relationship with God, and I became a Christian. It really just gave me so much love and light within myself. I felt secure, like I didn’t need validation from anyone else, or from getting a part. My happiness wasn’t dependent on that, it was dependent on my relationship with God.”

At the very depths of her depression, the British actress ended up coming to Christ after attending a London actors’ Bible study. In her passionate pursuit of her newfound faith wanting to put God first, she turned down an acting role that would have given her the opportunity to work along some major actors.

“I remember God was like, to me, ‘Give up the job,’ I can give you more than that; I just need you right now. Give up the job.”

Then, after laying down her own ambition and looking to the Lord, she was offered this gigantic role in Black Panther. She is now a major star of her own right and if the buzz is true, Shuri will show up again and again in more Marvel Comic movies. Comic readers already know Shuri became the Black Panther at some point after T’Chala so we might see Letitia again if Marvel Comics decides to pursue the thought.

Letitia also explained how many of those in the entertainment are coming to know Jesus, and that the Christian community in Hollywood is an extremely supportive one.

“There’s a reason there are so many Christians in the limelight. A lot of young people who are in the creative industry are finding an avenue toward God now,” she said. “We’re all in the same path, we’re all in the same thing. But we all support each other, and love each other, and keep each other grounded, and keep each other positive.”

Now an international sensation and with a glittering career ahead of her, Wright just wants to be used as a “vessel” for the Lord. “Where I go, where He takes me, that’s where I need to spread the love of God,” she said in an interview. “Because people’s souls are dying. My soul was dying, and He saved me. So I can’t keep this to myself I fell in love with Jesus and I’m still in love. Amen.”

She’s also quoted to have said,
“I’m not perfect. As a Christian, you’re not perfect, you know, but you’re walking everyday and trying to stay connected. I’m really grateful. I’m centered in who I am.”

Letitia wants to be an inspiration to young girls. I think she’s already a hero to a lot of people.

People think by becoming a Christian, you are losing something. The story of Letitia Wright is just one of the many that prove that faith in Christ and success and fame are not mutually exclusive.