Eyes Forward!

God gives us the dream not because he wants to frustrate us but because he wants us to focus on the goal while we go through the pit, and the prison.

– Malcolm Baxter

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The Lady, the promise and the Lord.

Q: There’s a lady I like and she likes me too. We e are both Christians and friends. I didn’t ask God or dream any dream about her ooo. I just like her and will want her to be my wife. I have gone ahead to propose to her. Not sure if she prayed about it but she accepted. We are now in a relationship of which I have given my words that no matter what, I will not break her heart. I told her I have been hearing about men breaking sisters’ heart, that mine will be an exception etc….

Years have gone…

I now have a better understanding that I need to hear God as to the partner He himself prepared for me.

If peradventure I found help to hear God and I SINCERELY did, how do I handle her and my promise?

A:

God is always good.

Well sir. Unfortunately, your case is like all of ours as children when we first encountered Superman. We thought it was tying a wrapper on his neck that made him fly and some of us ended up breaking some bones.

Understanding grows with us. Your girl should know that much.

Your promise is still there but you have to bring her to the understanding that you have now gained with the passing of time.

If handled with wisdom, she will see you’re only trying to apply what you’re learning about your life and God. If handled wrongly, she might think you have found someone else and you’re using Christian brother style to break up with her.

I counsel that you speak to whoever is your pastor/mentor/coach about your dilemma. He might see the wisdom in taking her under his wing also and counselling her till she comes to the understanding you now have. Alternatively, he might counsel you together to each go and check with God before proceeding.

No matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong road, you can always make a legal U-turn.

Don’t hold on to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.

Parental Blessing

Q:

Good day sir.

If your present relationship is not been supported by your parents reason that they don’t like the person. What is the way forward?

A:

Praise God.

The way forward is first of all backward.

If before you embarked on this relationship you have proven yourself a dependable, responsible and trustworthy individual with sensible results attributable to maturity, then when your parents disapprove of something, they will submit it as a counsel to you and encourage you to choose wisely. If, however, you do not have such a record, it will be a declaration on their part and a war has begun. You either fight them unlike you have never done before which causes some more problems like they will think the girl has jazzed you or you will acquiesce and give up the girl which means this battle will be fought again in the future.

The second step back you need to take is how your parents have related with you in the past in terms of counselling. Have they counselled you in a godly manner or in manners that betoken self interest?

If their counsel has always been sound, then I advise you to sit with them and find out what they are seeing or think they are seeing that you either need to look out for or clarify for them.

If they have always been self centered and worldly in their orientation, then the way forward is to start doing now what you should have been doing since you were a teenager, start showing through your works and a godly lifestyle with a healthy display of divine wisdom that you can be counted on to be a man.

1Sam 18:5 And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, [and] behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.

A good index that you are winning is when your parents start asking your opinion about family and personal matters or ask you to pray with them concerning a family issue. The day that happens, humbly pray and trust God but in your mind ehn, you should be dancing.

Did God Choose A Wife For Adam?

Q:

Is marriage a spiritual contract or social contrast? Apart from Adam, did God choose wife for any other man in the bible?

A: Social Contrast?

What is that?

I will assume it is a typographical error and the intended word is contract.
Marriage is the Union between two adults for the purpose of sharing life together. 

The world uses the term “contract” but in the kingdom, we recognise marriage as a covenant. The difference is that with a contract, your partner fulfills terms to keep you committed failing which you walk out but with a covenant, you love unconditionally as Christ loves.

As to the other question, it is incomplete understanding that makes us think God chose or gave Adam a wife. All the spinoff preachings and teachings we have had from that foundational error are therefore inherently wrong.

Popular example is that we say God gave Adam a wife then when sin came, Adam blamed God and since then God said he who finds a wife finds a good thing so in other words, we’re on our own.

This belief is flawed in so many ways.

1. It presumes that God learned His lesson and decided to adjust protocol. 

If the one you call God is still learning lessons, then He is not fit to be called God. It means his role as God is subject to overthrow by someone else comes up with stuff He is unable to learn.

Elohim, the one we serve has neither made any single discovery nor learnt anything not has He improved in anyway. I Am is a steady state description and not transitory. He is who He is in the past, who He is in the present, and who He is in the future. I know the grammar in that sentence is not correct but our languages fail to fully describe God because even we, the handlers of the languages, fail to comprehend Him and neither indeed can we.

He is the same yesterday, today and forever means He is not capable of learning anything.

God did not learn anything in that Garden, Adam did. He learned he was irresponsible and afraid and he learned that sin has killed him. He also learned that God is full of mercy otherwise He should have erased both himself and his wife on the spot, rather, He announced His salvation plan. A plan that had been prepared from before the foundations of the world and the lamb already slain before the earth was formed. 

Do you still think God was taken by surprise?

2. Second faulty premise is the presumption that God gave Adam a wife. 
Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

God doesn’t force things on people. He made us with a will and the capacity to choose. God brought a woman to Adam just as he had brought other creatures before but Adam chose Eve. Read the preceding verses. You will see that the reason God brought all the animals to Adam was not because they needed to be named but because Adam needed to name one of them to be his companion. 
Gen 2:18 And the Lord God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Gen 2:19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof.

Gen 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; *but* for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

Then God made a female version of Adam and brought her to him and again Adam named her as well only this time, he chose to cleave to her.

It was after his choice to cleave to her she became a wife to him. 
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Gen 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
And when trouble came, Adam said,

Gen 3:12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest [to be] with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

He didn’t say the wife you gave to be with me.

God did the same with Isaac. He led Abraham’s servant to Rebecca and she was brought to Isaac but it was when Isaac took her that she became his wife. 

Truth is, we don’t really look for wives, we look for good women to make our wives. 

Prov 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies.

You don’t go around looking for finished product, the wife you get is the wife you made from the woman you choose. 

Prov 18:22 [Whoso] findeth a wife findeth a good [thing], and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

You find a good wife in a virtuous woman. Choose wisely.
Now in choosing wisely is where the work is for us. What is the basis of your wisdom in choosing? Your preference or the will of God? 

Here is one way I know someone who is Christian, born again but has a very poor relationship with God. Such people, the will of God scares them. They say God is love but don’t think He understands what love means or feels like and therefore cannot possibly understand what it means to be in love and so He will lead them to someone they cannot love. 

James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

Prov 2:6 For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth [cometh] knowledge and understanding.

If you are afraid to ask God to lead you to whom you should pick to be your wife, then you are like a child who is scared that Daddy is sending him to school because he doesn’t want his child around him and thinks he knows better than that so he fights to stay at home.

Prov 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

If you have ever allowed God to lead you on other issues before the matter of choosing a spouse, you would have tasted and seen that The Lord is good. It is in getting God involved in your life that you build a relationship with Him. 

If you are yet to discover the goodness of the will of God, it means you’re still thinking like the world and living like the world. The Bible says in Romans 12:1-2 

Rom 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service.

Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Choose wisely, but before choosing a woman to become your wife, choose first to have your mind renewed so you can discern the will of God which is infinitely good in intention, acceptable on presentation and perfect in its execution.

God go with you.

Hey Doc!: Noisy Stomach

Q:

My stomach always make noise. This happens more when am in my period. What could be the cause and the solution to this as its very embarrassing.



A: Noisy stomach.

Interesting situation. Quite a fact that menstrual flow is moderated by hormones and some other chemicals in the body. These chemicals also affect any part of the body where there are appropriate receptors. 

Another possibility is in cases where the uterus (also known as the womb) irritates some of its close neighbours during that period as it overflows with some of these chemicals. 

Some women have mild symptoms like you with only mild abdominal discomfort and so on, some have frequent loose stools and others mild to severe pain.

I do not believe your case requires treatment since it’s only noises you have. Try drinking lots of fluid during the period to see if it helps. But if you’re bent on having a treatment, please, see your doctor in person. There may be more questions to ask in order to identify what’s really going on.

Declaration of Independence

Q:

In our society when somebody has achieved a level of education or vocational training, it is equated to being independent. This analogy is not favourable for those who are in their late 20s and early 30s who finish late, considering the state of the nation. What should be done to be independent so as to settle down before time slips away?

A:

It is an error to consider independent a person who has achieved a level of education, or training, simply because of that. Graduate, yes; independent, no.

I prefer the concept of autonomy over independence. Autonomy means you know who you are and you’re exercising the right to choose and you stand with your choices and bear the responsibility that comes with it, good or bad.

Independence means you don’t need anyone to be what you wish to be and for mankind, not only is that not possible, it is not God’s design.

Finishing training and earning money makes you an earner. It makes you economically productive but it still doesn’t make you autonomous, or independent as you might wish to say. You can still earn money and be so irresponsible that your parents or friends still need to supervise the way you spend that money.

Rather, autonomy comes when you are able to display, and persuade others to accept as truth, that you are now able to navigate life to a well defined destination, fully aware that things might not go according to plan but also confident that you can make it work through creativity and ingenuity all the while holding yourself responsible for the implications of your decisions and actions. You will also demonstrate a judicious use of resources around you including people in the form of counselors and partners in the business of life, some as friends, one as a life partner. 

All of this can be proven before a man completes his training in any vocation.

Once again, David was a lad and untrained in the affairs of royalty but he won the confidence of everyone by a display of all these things I just mentioned, including his relationship with Jonathan.

All that said, in view of economic demands, entrepreneurship is a step forward. Waiting to get a job and blaming your conditions on unemployment is doing the same thing Adam did by blaming God. You don’t have to graduate to become financially self sufficient. I could tell you my story but hardly would you believe it but there is enough evidence around you if you look to see those students who are doing “something” to pay their way through school. Do you think those guys will graduate and be waiting for an employer to recruit them so they can start looking for who to marry? 

Answer is no.

Hey Doc!: Miscarriage by Proxy

Q:

Sir, I have observed overtime that any time I smell or stand around anyone having her period the next,day I end up starting mine. I heard it causes Miscarriage when the person is pregnant. How true is that sir?

A:

Praise God.

It causes miscarriage? Jesus! Where do people come up with all these fantastic things? Everything must cause either cancer or miscarriage and they follow up with marketing one traditional remedy or something of the sort. Na wa o. 

Please, throw away that idea. 

First, let me tell you some things.

1. If your period is regular then it means they come when they are due to come and therefore the timing is not affected by what you smell or where you stand. 

2. Following the above, it is physically impossible for you to avoid coming across at least one woman everyday who is menstruating; you must meet at least one. 

If your initial assertion were real and correct, then you should be menstruating everyday of your life. 

Do you menstruate everyday? I’m guessing the answer is no. You pass by many menstruating women everyday without noticing it.

Quite likely, the persons whose menstruation you notice either tell you they are menstruating or you see they are having menstruation related issues like menstrual pain or stained clothes. So, it might be psychological. That something is Psychological does not mean it is fake or a lie, it just means there is a mental component to what is being described. So, I’m not calling you a liar, please.

3. There is what is called Premenstrual Syndrome. It is the set of symptoms or “signs” that a woman’s body gives her when she is about to menstruate and once menstruation starts, the symptoms disappear. 

These signs can be anything. It varies from woman to woman. In your case, it’s the acute sense of smell that allows you to even identify the smell of soiled sanitary pads or so on.

Very likely, this is what you are experiencing. If what you have described is all the facts available, then it is perfectly harmless and has no business with causing miscarriage, infertility, troublesome labour, inability to enjoy sex or any other stuff “native doctors” use to scare people into patronizing them.

It is well with you.