UnFriend Request …

QUESTION:

In a situation where a guy always calls a lady by sweet/pet names like my baby, mommy etc but doesn’t show seriousness. What should the lady do? Can the lady tell him to stop calling her by those sweet names?

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ANSWER:

Thank you for your question.

Okay. It’s been commonly said that women are moved by what they hear while men are moved by what they see. There is scriptural basis for this as seen in the lives of Adam and Eve. Our generation tends to ignore some basic things that are foundational all in the bid to be free, cool, trendy, and whatever else we can think of.

This lady’s question simply underscores a point I try to teach people but they seem to think I’m old school and therefore shouldn’t be taken seriously. Well old school or new school, principles are principles and they have no respect for time in this case whether the guy was trying to initiate an intimate relationship or not by using words of endearment, he has simply stirred up the attention, emotion, and affection of the lady in question. There is the issue of love languages and quite evidently this lady values words of affection but whether that is the case for her or not, generally speaking I counsel people to avoid this thing … not just guys.

So now, what should the lady do?

Two things.

One … sister, before you start to talk to him about what words he uses to address you, you need to take care of your own heart. This you can do by taking a closer look at the guy in question. It is commonly said that before you accept any information, you should check the source. What do I mean? Look into the guy’s life and check … does he call other people by various sweet or pet names? If the answer is yes, then you should set yourself free because it means those names he calls you are not unique to you and therefore cannot be the basis of a special for intimate relationship even if hearing those names make you want more from him. If the answer is no, then it likely means he actually is interested in you and you should proceed cautiously taking into cognizance the possibility that he is trying to start something serious.

However, as you have said, he is not showing any signs that makes you think he’s serious. In view of this, you could actually tell him to stop calling you by those names because you think such names are expressions of intimacy and since you’re not intimate, you do not appreciate them coming from him … simple.

Bear in mind that it is possible that your doing so might reveal to him that he probably has successfully touched your heart and created an expectation which amounts to a yellow light (if not a fully green one) to take the chance to actually propose to you. This is another possibility you must prepare for. So, you have to ask yourself, what if he decides to get serious, would you accept him?
To my brothers, please, if you want a relationship with a lady, step up and speak up. Part of being a man is to be comfortable making decisions and taking responsibility for the actions based on those decisions. The bible says,

Habakkuk 2:2  … Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables …

You get nowhere buy hiding in the friend zone and shooting cupid’s arrows from a distance. You might end up striking at the lady’s heart but, actually, rather than tying her heart to yours, you might end up just damaging her heart with the un-returned affection that you created because expectation not met usually leads to devastation.

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Proverbs 13:12  When hope is crushed, the heart is crushed, but a wish come true fills you with joy.

If you pique her interest from a distance and you do not follow up with anything close up thereafter you will end up raising her hopes for nothing.

You might think that ends with you but the truth is you have simply made things more difficult for the next brother who will come her way who tries to be a friend first before a lover. This is perhaps one of the reasons our sisters in church do not trust us as much as we expect that they should; too many times we have unknowingly raised their hopes without doing anything serious about it, so it’s quite natural that any other guy who comes along will first be considered unserious. So, let’s be let’s learn to say what we mean and only what we mean.

Matthew 12:37  For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

To avoid toying with a lady’s heart and life, choose your words carefully.

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