The Chicken or the Egg?

Someone asked a question on a platform I am a part of as to why is the social media flooded with posts directed at women on how to keep their husbands and not enough is being circulated about men being responsible enough not to require being “kept” by their women.

The issue of nearly legitimizing masculine insecurities, irresponsibility at home and infidelity without being fair to the female folk was the bone of contention. Here is what I shared with this group of friends. My hope is that this might benefit you too.

A:

It is an established fact that men are the more easily sexually enticed of the two genders. The pull is always towards the woman. It is what is done with this attraction that’s the matter.

The Bible is rife with proverbial examples of the power of seduction in the body and words of women. From Delilah to to the strange women of Proverbs, the scriptures give warning after warning to men to keep it together. To this end, it is the scriptures, and not trending social media articles as we tend to believe, that first supplies the ageless wisdom …

Prov 5:15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.
Prov 5:16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, [and] rivers of waters in the streets.
Prov 5:17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee.
Prov 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Prov 5:19 [Let her be as] the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Prov 5:20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

In other words, before social media came into being, the bible we carry around everywhere has been instructing men and women on proper behaviour responsibility and other social issues.

The scriptures did not here try to be fair. The reason is because it is not a matter of fault finding but rather supplying available strength to meet obvious weakness.

A woman is minding her business, not trying to be kinky, and she is at peace with herself, yet a man will be employing every weapon in his arsenal not to take that second look and this is not about lust. No matter how holy the woman is, she is the one with the difficult or impossible-to-hide body parts that move and shake the minds of men around her.

This can’t be helped, that’s how God made it. Remember the effect Eve had on Adam in the beginning. That is 50% of the vulnerability of the the male man – He is wired to be moved by sight.

Now to come to the woman, who knows the power of her body and decides to poke men in the eyes knowing that only a few would be able to escape unfazed. What do you expect would happen? The men would either have their heads shaved (like Samson) and lose their grace or shed their ranking identity coat (like Joseph) to preserve the grace only to still wind up in jail for a crime they avoided. And guess who the jailer would be? Of course, his wife.

If you realise that your husband is the sheep going out in the midst of wolves, should you not do what you need to protect him? Wisdom is profitable.

I learnt years ago that marriage is like a dance between a couple. There is the expected sequence of the dance routine for each person to execute. However, should your partner make the wrong move, the wisdom is for you not to insist on making the preprogrammed move but, rather make the complementary move in order to keep both of you on your feet and keep the dance going instead of stepping on each other’s toes or go sprawling across the dance floor.

Speaking of complementality, men also have their own share of protecting the sheep to do. Love your wife has two connotations.

1. *Love* your wife: This is the first one we quickly think of which as a matter of your duty to her. She needs the love, she has to be celebrated and cherished like Adam did Eve in the beginning… this is 50% of her vulnerability – she was wired to be recognised and celebrated. If she is exposed this way, a strange man would give her his ear and and collect her heart.

2. Love *your* wife: this is the part we don’t think of quickly. It implies that the male man is capable of love at an instinctive level, but as other scriptures corroborate, he has to learn to focus it only on his one wife.

Physical things show us how invisible things work (Romans 1:20 … My parphrase). During sex, the woman has only one egg for fertilization if she is even fertile at that time whereas the man comes with at least 40 million sperm cells each time. If he comes with less than that, he is said to have low sperm count.

This tells us that the man is capable of giving attention to several things at once. But the fact that the woman only picks one or two sperm cells to fertilize her egg means it is in her power to help him being out the best of himself and focus on that. At the end of the day they have far fewer babies than the man set out with but each baby comes well formed and beautiful.

Both the man and the woman are designed with vulnerabilities of different types, complementary types. The idea in the mind of God was that none would be complete without the other. So any effort to make one duplicate the other, whether in strength or weakness, is to rob the union of critical elements that make it whole. The issue is wholeness brought about by complementary defined roles. No role is weaker, less important or more stupid than the other. They are both equally necessary.

The picture of equality being paraded across the social media powered by humanist feminist movements and philosophies can therefore not work. It makes the couple struggle in futility to both play one type of role.

With the onset of woman empowerment, roles became mixed up. The initial intention was perhaps to empower women, make them less dependent for their survival and that of their children and thus secure the home. But, like everything human, it went wrong; what was considered good for women became expected and demanded of men. Men were now required to get in touch with that ever elusive “feminine side”.

“Malfunctioning” men began to fill the horizon. Nobody thought then that trying to fit men into women roles and mind frames was recipe for disaster. The best men could ever become were lousy women. But worse, a vacuum for masculinity was created; there were no more “men”.

Nature prevents vacuums and so the increasingly empowered women began to take on what they perceived was the “whole duty of men”. Providing for the family, climbing corporate ladders and ordering the members of the family around became more associated with women. Society became composed of malfunctioning men and misled women.

The only place men were still needed was in the creation of babies. However, with current science, though men still need to provide sperm cells on the whole, each particular woman now doesn’t really need to have a man in her life to start a family. She can visit a sperm bank and be done with it. (PS: I do not support this).

We know all this but we ignore the fact that we did this to ourselves and we who are Christians cast blame on the church, on scriptural principles and on God for our malfunctioning men. And who is complaining, who is the jailer? Again, it’s the woman.

There are feminist movements all over the world and even those women who aren’t actively feminist will instinctively get ferral once a woman seems to be in an unfortunate circumstance; objectivity is thrown out and it must be the man’s fault. Anyone who even suggests that the woman might have had a part in the process of creating the pain is vehemently opposed and in many cases vilified. Feminist basically now implies anti-masculine.

With such a prevalent philosophy, anything that remotely points to a course of action or role by women, from which men are to benefit, is vehemently tagged subjugation and victimization.

We fight the role description that puts a man in charge of his home ahead of his wife so vehemently that the momentum carries us beyond God who designed it all. We have subscribed to trending philosophies, taken up membership in the church of the social media forgetting one critical fact: the social media is a faceless entity that can not be held responsible for the actions we take based on the advice we receive from this “amorphous” counsellor.

Then there are those of us who will chant the trending mantra and hike the number of “likes” for others to follow but when the issue comes home to us, we still run to the same body of Christ whose views we have run down with our mouths and Android keyboards. We would yab folks for praying over issues and tell them to take action but when it happens to us, we find that all our action still requires prayer and that sometimes, prayer is the only possible action.

Two wrongs will never make things right. In any circumstance involving multiple persons, when things go wrong, it is always a summation of actions and inactions of all the participating members and as such solution can only be found by treating it as a team problem.

When God approached the first family, he sought for them using the man’s name but when it got to problem solving He held each accountable for their errors, even the serpent. Once you come out in defence of one party against the other in the forum of marriage, you’re already in error.

As I keep saying, with God, there is no “understanding” of cause and effect. He will not accept the failure of one person as the excuse for the failure of the other. My pastor said, “Christianity is not about how you’re treated but about how you respond to how you’re treated.” God will hold each of us responsible for our actions.

If a marriage is in trouble, it didn’t start today. So judging it based on the current symptoms is bound to be short sighted and problematic. Simply because the woman was first to cry out does not mean she is guiltless.

Prov 18:17 The man who first puts his cause before the judge seems to be in the right; but then his neighbour comes and puts his cause in its true light.

Finding out where things went wrong and bringing correction is always the bane of crisis resolution and for marriage, that is the only way true healing begins.

On a final note, for the benefit of the yet-to-be-married, there are always … ALWAYS warning signs. Look for them and respond wisely. Do not entrap yourself in a hell of a marriage because you didn’t take precautions.

“I didn’t hear from God per se, but I had peace”. Peace from where and from whom? If God did not speak, shouldn’t you at least wait? Every one who assumed the will of God and went ahead to take action regretted it. Abraham had Ishmael at Sarah’s inisistence and the trouble lingers; Jacob tricked Isaac to collect the blessing and though it was the will of God for Jacob to be ahead, doing it Rebecca’s way caused problems.

Granted, even those who heard God have problems. But the critical difference is that knowing they are in the will of God gives them the basis for faith to confront the problem and conquer (Rom 4:18-21) but when the same Abraham did things outside God’s leading, the problems created met with no faith to deal with them.

Prevention is better than cure. Some problems are simply better avoided.

In summary, the balance of the relationship, including problem solving, should always be sought through complementary role playing and problems can be and are better avoided. Always seek the balance as God designed it.

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Pocket Money

Q: Sir, What do you think?

A: I’m married … my wife is married. So the proper question is what do you think?

Q: Pastor Daniel naaaaaaaa … Lolzzzzz. Was hoping u would just give me ur opinion.

A: What would you do if you were in this position.

Q: I grew up in a home were we had excess and slowly got to where we had nothing. I honestly don’t have much respect for money, despite wat it can do, I am more interested in how smart he is, than how full his pocket is.
Besides the question says “Currently Earning” 🙃

A: Ok. Then. The question is answered.
I summarily agree with you.

Q: 🙄 😀 yes sir … Lolzzzzz

Majority of ladies including my sisters think opposite, their reason is the current economic change. So I started wondering….. If maybe times have changed.

A: Times change but wisdom does not change.

Currently earning meagre pay does not make someone a meagre person. Many, if not all, of the success stories in the world today had humble and rough beginnings. Even the Apostle Paul, the most documented of the Apostles, was in prison while writing those letters for which he is now famous through eternity.

One issue is to ask yourself if you can see this person beyond his current pay check. No matter how good it is, it is a pay check and anything can happen at anytime to make the pay check stop coming. Like in Nigeria, for some of us, the pay check did not stop coming but the economic situation cut the value of our earnings in half.

Realise this as a fact, nobody starts with his dream job. Even if he’s in business, the initial earnings are always a far cry from the projections that might have been the motivation to begin the business in the first place. Nothing starts at the top, except the grave.

Second issue is to ask yourself if the person sees himself beyond his current pay check. If he has a plan for his life that transcends his current circumstances, then his own security is not in his job but in himself and his vision. If the vision is from God, and he is actively pursuing it, then you can be sure he will succeed no matter the odds.

It is this security that you, as a woman, should be looking for. Does he lose himself because he has lost his job? When his pocket is empty, does his life feel empty to him, and then to you? These last questions define the line between guys and girls whose relationships revolve around money and materials as separate from those whose lives revolve around the person they claim they are in love with.

This brings me to the next issue, that of being the reason for your presence in his life. Of course he should have the material means to take care of you at the level you’re willing to allow. If he doesn’t have it, it’s either you will walk out or he would so that is not even the issue. The issue is this, you’re there to be his helper.

I must say with sincerity and gravity, if you’re not in a person’s life to be a help to him or her, you shouldn’t be there at all. If the man you have the hots for does not need your help, he does not need you period. Why do I say this?

You would recall that in the beginning before the woman was created, there were two major words used to describe her purpose, thereby justifying the necessity of her creation. They were “companion” and “suitable helper.”

Gen 2:18 And the Lord God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone (or without a companion); I will make him an help meet (or suited) for him.

“If purpose is not known,”
… say it with me … “abuse is inevitable.” If you lose focus of the reason you’re in his life, you will abuse his life and yours.

I know we want to argue that the man is supposed to also help the woman, I have nothing against that. But, if at the very beginning God created the *woman* to be a companion though life and a helper with assignments, then it cannot be ignored that, both in fact and in principle, you are there to help him.

And if you’re looking at the meagre resources the man currently has access to and what comes to your mind is insecurity rather than something you can multiply and make to increase, then your capacity to see is seriously compromised.

You are a life giver, sure, as a Christian, yes, but even more so as a Christian woman. You are a multiplier, a builder, a wonder worker even in the natural; I am yet to meet a man who is not awed by the process of birth. Yet women do this almost routinely.

The womb in your body is a physical reminder of the womb in your spirit. As a woman, you will take a single sperm cell and effortlessly provide the environment for it to be grown into a complete bodied and totally unique, previously unseen, human individual.

These are reminders that your presence in a man’s life is to provide an environment where his dreams can safely grow into something you can be proud of.

So, if you see a man earning little and you run away because of the little, you have missed the opportunity to be a partner with God in the making of something great. It also means that all those confessions you make in church and the declarations your minister makes over you actually mean nothing to you beyond the noise. I say this because if you claim to believe the word of God over your life, why do you think the word that the low income earning man is currently believing will not come to pass.

Should not the brother also be asking questions about your capacity to bear children? I guess you would expect him to believe that you can, right? Interestingly, even to your own self, you have no proof that you can bear children. All you have to go on are the seeds of your menstrual flow which come monthly and your faith. Same applies to him, if he has a small unnoticeable monthly seed in his hand and faith in his heart, does he not deserve to be believed in?

No matter what we can see now, our future is different from our present. If it’s bad, it can become good and if it’s good, it can become great.

2Cor 4:18 … we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen [are] temporal; but the things which are not seen [are] eternal.

Job 8:7 Though thy beginning was small, yet thy latter end should greatly increase.

1Tim 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Your insecurity in God will produce insecurity in man and your insecurity with your chosen man is a sign that you are not yet secure in your relationship with God.

The Girl Child

A precious brother read this post https://pdlionunlimited.wordpress.com/2018/03/08/respect/ and we had the following conversation. It’s quite long but it is worth your time.

Q: Good evening sir, I have a question relating to the last question too. Yesterday and today, we had a workshop on gender development in my office and very interesting discussions ensued.

This is an issue for both the male and female genders but it is mostly tilted towards the women because they suffer abuse the most in this regard.

So my question therefore is, how do strike a balance between helping a woman achieve her dreams, living up to her full potentials and exercising her rights when necessary and being a submissive wife to the husband. I asked that question bcos unconsciously, we breed our girls to submit to boys or see boys as stronger or smarter etc. So how do you train up a girl child to stand up for herself and not be intimidated by any man and yet be a submissive wife?

A: See jamb o

Q: Hahahaha

Jamb is simple for u na😁

A: I believe is in the balance is in the scriptures.

How should the girl child be treated by her family, how should she be raised?

Not in comparison to the boy child. We make a mistake trying to prove that men are stronger or, in order ro fight for the women, make them strive to disprove that general thought.

The issue is not about who is physically stronger. The average boy will always be stronger than the average girl in terms of brute strength but in terms of emotional fire power and attention to detail, women were created with extra strength in that regard. I say the average because you can always find a girl who’s stronger than some boy around her.

The roles we were designed by God to fill is seen in our everyday medical science. The average man’s skeleton is thicker, bulkier and rougher. Muscle mass is greater and there is less fat. Whereas the woman’s skeleton is more lithe, gentler, smoother.

Did you know that the average woman has a more acute sense of smell and taste? Thata why our homes smell as good as they do but particularly our children are better catered for because their mother can perceive them using more parameters than their fathers can. Did you know that whereas a guy uses one half of his brain overtime depending on the task at hand, a woman uses both halves per time? This helps men focus on the now but helps the woman remember more and in greater detail. Guys remember stuff is summary while women recollect in detail. It’s like black and white versus colour.

Necessity is the mother of invention and based on what each gender was invented by God to accomplish, the design is spot on. Each gender was designed to be stronger than the other in its area of strength and weaker than the other in the other gender’s area of strength. Why? So they can complement each other. Two halves coming together to become one whole, two partially strong persons coming together to make one all-round strong entity.

So, the girl should be raised not to compete with boy in strength or smarts but to be as strong and as smart as a woman was designed to be.

She should be proud to be a woman. She may be able to run as fast as the man but when she runs, it is with more grace and beauty hence she is being slower out of necessity. She brings more with her when she moves whereas the man needs to leave more behind in order to be able to move. But thank God there is someone coming right behind who picks up the things that were left behind and makes sure they all reach the finish line.

Her brothers should be raised to see her difference as her strength and to take advantage of the strength for the benefit of the family and to value her for it.

See the bible
Pss 127:3 Lo, children [are] an heritage of the Lord: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.
Pss 127:4 As arrows [are] in the hand of a mighty man; so [are] children of the youth.
Pss 127:5 Happy [is] the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

The Bible says Children, not sons. All your children are arrows, precision instruments of warfare that can fly off into the future to bring victory to your name. But guess who the quiver is. I believe it’s their mother. She is the one who keeps them.

How should she be treated outside her home? Well, outside your home it is a battlefield. So don’t expect any one to hand things to you on account of being sensitive but rather out of respect. But how you get that respect is the issue. More and more people, in this context women, are trying to gain respect by being better than the other person at that person’s own game. Why not play to your own strengths?

Like in the above scripture, you are an arrow, you need to find your own target. Don’t go out there trying to prove something or to be someone, you already are someone the world needs and that is why you need to go out there. One lady said “I am not trying to be a he-ro, I am a she-ro”.

In society, certain roles have been assigned to men and others to women. Our customs have evolved around the concept of roles. It is a misfortune that the necessity of these roles have brought us to the point of contest for supremacy rather keeping it in the celebrated context of complementality.

Just like in choir, the singer or preacher is the obvious recognized face. The sound engineer working behind the scenes is not often noticed, until something goes wrong of course. But each is playing a role and each role needs the other to performand deliver.

How should she be treated in her church?

The girl child should be treated as God, the Lord of the church does. The woman has kingdom rights just as the man does.

Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

As long as there is no female or male holy spirit, and it is the same holy spirit who fills all believers in spite of their gender, then it is to be accepted that in the realm of spirit we are without gender. It is our bodies that are either make or female.

Of course our minds function based on exposure and training and a male person is trained and exposed to male relevant or male filtered information, same for women. So it’s easy for us to get it mixed up thinking we are gendered in the spirit.

Mk 12:25 For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.

Gen 1:27 So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

God is spirit, so are the angels and so is man. It is our gender designation makes us either male or female. So at the heart, where it really matters, we are the same before God.

Therefore, in His wisdom, God had dealings with women just like he had with men, notably Mary the mother of Jesus and Mary Magdalene to whom Jesus showed himself after the resurrection.

If God does not look at us based on gender in manifestation of the spirit or in bestowing his love on us, then neither should we look at anyone in that way.

2Cor 5:16 Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we [him] no more.

How should she be treated in her marriage?

This is where it gets interesting and confusing for most people. The reason being that, because of all I’ve said before, it is easy to assume I am saying God is all about equality between genders in the marriage the understanding of the concept of equality being that both the man and the wife are to be equal in their union.

Again, the balance is in the scriptures… always in the scriptures.

1Pet 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5 [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

If you look at the scriptures well, you will see that the woman was not asked to be subject to men but rather to her own husband. Why would God ask her to submit if she was inferior? He would have just said, “Woman, stay in your inferior place.” The reason one person needs to be instructed to submit to the other is because they are equal in capacity or strength.

1Pet 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

You are equally heirs of the grace of God. Breaching this understanding will hinder your prayers as a husband. She is that powerful.

In marrigae, the issue is not whether the woman has as much rights as her husband or as strong, the issue is that they have been ordered by God to play different roles: one leads the other submits.

God operates in an orderly fashion, not in confusion. It is not order if no one is clearly given the directive to be in charge. There are responsibilities to being the head, both physical but more importantly, spiritual. This is why Eve ate the fruit and nothing happened but when Adam ate the fruit, all of heaven and earth was negatively affected. There is a chain of command that maintains this order so that things flow properly as God intends.

1Cor 11:10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on [her] head because of the angels.

Gen 5:1 This [is] the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
Gen 5:2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.

God created both male and female but called them by the name of the one He put in charge. It doesn’t mean that God doesn’t recognise the woman. In fact it is because of the wife that the man is asked to be in charge. If there was nothing to take care of, he wouldn’t be asked to be in charge.

Just as God has given angels charge concerning mankind even though we are higher than them for the purpose of defined roles. It is a matter of duty not power.

The focus is what needs to be done. If you’re alone, you’re in charge; if you’re part of a team someone would be put in charge.

Look at this account
Num 27:1 Then came the daughters of Zelophehad, the son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Machir, the son of Manasseh, of the families of Manasseh the son of Joseph: and these [are] the names of his daughters; Mahlah, Noah, and Hoglah, and Milcah, and Tirzah.
Num 27:2 And they stood before Moses, and before Eleazar the priest, and before the princes and all the congregation, [by] the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, saying,
Num 27:3 Our father died in the wilderness, and he was not in the company of them that gathered themselves together against the Lord in the company of Korah; but died in his own sin, and had no sons.
Num 27:4 Why should the name of our father be done away from among his family, because he hath no son? Give unto us [therefore] a possession among the brethren of our father.
Num 27:5 And Moses brought their cause before the Lord.
Num 27:6 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,
Num 27:7 The daughters of Zelophehad speak right: thou shalt surely give them a possession of an inheritance among their father’s brethren; and thou shalt cause the inheritance of their father to pass unto them.

At the end of the day, God used these women’s case as occasion to rescue others in similar situation. They had as much rights as the men did before God.

So, in view of her future role in marriage, the girl child is trained in the area of submission not because she is inferior to men in general, but because she has to master the art of keeping her strength in check while she plays the role of a wife to her own husband. The other side of the coin is that the boy child should be trained to become a husband who sees his wife’s submission as a deliberate gift to him in honour of God and not a sign of weakness or an identity that cannot exist without him.

Q: I appreciate you taking your time to do this. As you know, I’ve got 2 girls and this would help set my mind in the right direction.

A: I know you have girls and this was not a question of rhetorics for you, that’s why I took the time.

Q: I think the first thing is to not create the competing impression between the two genders but rather to see how they (girls) can complement the weaknesses of those around them (gender notwithstanding) and learn from others how to improve on their (girls) weaknesses. This is a view outside marriage and family as daughters. However, they should believe anything is possible, so they have the freedom in mind to grow at full capacity.

However, in marriage, while praying they get good husbands who will not seek to show their masculinity and try to limit their growth, they (girls) will know that marriage is an institution created by God and just like every other institution, there is always a head. God has made man to be the head of every home. She will have to submit to him so there won’t be two heads in the home.

This is my extract from your explanation

A: But you have to know that this training won’t work on your girls unless their mother backs you up and she will only back you up when she sees you’re one of those men who respect and empower their wives.

Q: Hmmm…yeah. funny enough, I have already started thinking in that direction.

A: 😊

In-laws of Pressure Cooker

Q:

I am in a relationship with a lady I love quite well. But her family is very demanding and it’s affecting our relationship. What can I do?

A:

Hallelujah!
Demands are many and varied o, and the implications vary as well. There are demands made as part of the bride price and wedding protocols.

However, anything beyond this is inappropriate. You are not yet a husband so responsibilities of husbands are not yet yours to bear.

Just as I would expect that your girl might cook for you once in a while and help you clean house once in a while, to demand that of her when she is not yet your wife is stepping out of bounds.

So, my counsel is not to quarrel your way out of this. Talk to your girl along these lines I just shared with you. She should be made to see how these demands are out of place and becoming a burden. She might be able to make her folks pipe down or she could step it down if she is the one bringing their problems to you.

If, however, they insist on pressuring you to meet their family needs, understand that things will not improve with time and will only escalate with marriage. If you’re not ready for that pressure, end it.

Recycle

Q:

My wife is a good woman but her problem is to clean up the house and made it neat..I have tried so many means to correct her and help her change that habit but it’s still there. I pay the bills, she should take some responsibility. What do I do Sir?

A:

It would be nice to know if the woman in this picture also has a job outside the home.

But whatever be the case, sir, the two of you have become one o. However she is, she is your wife.

Interesting thing is, marriage does not change people, it amplifies what has always been there. She didn’t suddenly become this way.

This is my counsel to you, Sir. To create lasting change in a person, words are never ever enough. You have to follow up with action. In fact, you precede words with actions.

Acts 1:1 The former treatise have I made, O Theophilus, of all that Jesus began both to do and teach.

Doing came before teaching for Jesus. Even at creation, the spirit was moving over the waters before the word was spoken.

You pay the bills, that is awesome. While you deserve appreciation for that, don’t expect any special commendation. It is your duty to do so. It is your wife’s duty to help you keep a clean home just as she is to help you with every other thing. You start with the cleaning, she will follow you … as you said, she’s a good woman.

Parental Blessing

Q:

Good day sir.

If your present relationship is not been supported by your parents reason that they don’t like the person. What is the way forward?

A:

Praise God.

The way forward is first of all backward.

If before you embarked on this relationship you have proven yourself a dependable, responsible and trustworthy individual with sensible results attributable to maturity, then when your parents disapprove of something, they will submit it as a counsel to you and encourage you to choose wisely. If, however, you do not have such a record, it will be a declaration on their part and a war has begun. You either fight them unlike you have never done before which causes some more problems like they will think the girl has jazzed you or you will acquiesce and give up the girl which means this battle will be fought again in the future.

The second step back you need to take is how your parents have related with you in the past in terms of counselling. Have they counselled you in a godly manner or in manners that betoken self interest?

If their counsel has always been sound, then I advise you to sit with them and find out what they are seeing or think they are seeing that you either need to look out for or clarify for them.

If they have always been self centered and worldly in their orientation, then the way forward is to start doing now what you should have been doing since you were a teenager, start showing through your works and a godly lifestyle with a healthy display of divine wisdom that you can be counted on to be a man.

1Sam 18:5 And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, [and] behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.

A good index that you are winning is when your parents start asking your opinion about family and personal matters or ask you to pray with them concerning a family issue. The day that happens, humbly pray and trust God but in your mind ehn, you should be dancing.