Hello, friends.I had this discussion with a precious friend a while back. With her permission, I decided to share it here so others could pick a few things.
As usual, any information that could identify her or her circumstances have been altered.
Letty: Good evening PD sir! Please, do we have any our church people that’s a caterer in Abuja?
PD: Caterer? None that I know of. You’re considering Abuja?
Letty: PD. Lemme tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth🙌🏽
Hmmmmmm…….. Recently, I ve been battling with the idea of leaving Ibadan. I honestly would love to stay here for many reasons I really can’t mention … But my hubby is here becauseI don’t wanna leave.
Plenty atimes I feel selfish.
But its a pressing burden, I initially didn’t pray about it because there was no need (in my heart), but when I chose to, it wasn’t as troubling as I thought.
My hubby doesn’t like teaching, he has ALWAYS wanted to leave. Wanted to do a Masters so he could be a lecturer just before the wedding. I even threatened to leave him back then 🙈🙈.
Looking back, I have been very selfish🙈
I’m determined to let him have his way this time. If I no like am, I carry my load come back😀.
While I’m thinking about leaving, I’m trying to find a place that I would best fit in. Abuja? Lagos?
Port Harcourt? Anywhere😂😂😂😂😂
Let Oga have his way this time😂
His people would be my people afterall😛😝😜
PD: And you’ve been married for how long?
7yrs by Dec 15th.
PD: And it took you this long to discover you were being selfish.
Letty: PD naaaa………….
PD: I’m not trying to nail you.
Letty: I have repented naaaa……….
😛😝😜 … All the bad things I used to do, I do them no more.
PD: Yeah, it’s never too late to turn around.
Did your husband ever accuse you of being selfish at any point?
I love Ibadan. All my siblings know. Everyone knows.
PD: Fine, but were you called to love Ibadan or to love your husband?
Letty: Now, that made me laugh😂😂😂😂😂
I was called to love my husband🙌🏽
PD: I may seem to be doing post mortem counselling but I want you to think of this well… If your roles had been reversed, would you have pointed out how selfish he was?
Nepa don take light…. 😒
Letty: No, was searching my heart.
PD: Not you, Nepa actually took light here.
I don’t think I would have told him that (not in those exact words) Even if i definitely would have ruminated over it🤔🤔
PD: Hmmmm… I suspect that you would have found a way to solve that problem.
Letty: True, I would have found a way.
PD: My point is, if it took you seven years to realise how selfish you’ve been and repented, then it has taken you the same time to realise how selfless your husband has been and you should thank him.
Not trying to knock you, really.
Letty: Sometimes, we do.
Especially Letty. I need to be knocked @times😀
PD: Well, I don’t know if I’m tall enough or have a hammer big enough to make a mark on your hard head but… Well… there is God.
Letty: It doesn’t have to be physical sometimes.
Funny enough I had declare a Solomon 2:3 week starting today.
I most definitely would thank him for being selfless.
Letty: To think he had encouraged me to pass my catering school exams, through part 1, proposals for part 2 and just sat there watching me excel😓😪😥😢.
You should have seen his joy when I told him I was ready to give leaving Ibadan a try 😊
PD: When we talk in church at times and we knock men, these are the things I consider and try to to draw our attention away from our determination to make guys look like… well, bad guys… for expecting submission from their wives.
I have noticed that, nowadays, any man with a good head ends up living life the way his wife wants it lived and not the other way around like it seems it used to be.
Letty: You’re at the risk of being misunderstood. What meaneth thou?
Oh, ok, I get you.
Shouldn’t it be like the days of old? 🙈
PD: Depends on how old the days you’re referring to are.
It used to be, Mr Man, you’re the head and that used to be a good thing but now it seems like it’s bad to think like that cos we immediately think of all the million things that could go wrong… meaning, not done the wife’s way because hubby is a power drunk tyrant.
Letty: I have considered myself as “submissive” I could be wrong though. Could just be reasoning this submission matter with my own understanding.
But would not wanting to leave Ibadan, even if he knew this from day one, be regarded as “unsubmissive”?
PD: You knew he wanted to leave, and you dug your feet in the rocks and said “I shall not be moved”… Do you think you submitted?
Letty: I still believe in a man being the head, and using veto power when needed sha.
Except I’m wrong, or, I’m not doing it the way God wants.
But He knew this before we married naaa.
PD: Please, we’re just bouncing thoughts o, I’m not trying to knock you o.
Letty: Even if you were; I will forgive you.
I knew he wanted to leave, he knew I didn’t want, I opted out of the relationship if he wouldn’t be in Ibadan.
I honestly didn’t think I was doing something wrong. @that time sha
PD: OK. I guess he chose staying with you over chasing his dreams. Men, no be today we start. You know it’s the same thing Adam did, right? If he had done what was expected, he wouldn’t have eaten the fruit and Eve would have died alone.
Anyway, here is what I think it should look like: God sets direction for man to follow and woman ensures he stays on course. That way, she gets to arrive at where God meant for her as well.
Letty: Lol, so, what are you stylishly telling me?
PD: That he loved you.
I have always known that.
The way you are saying it now, its like, I never understood how see his love was/is🙊
PD: Yeah, ladies don’t really get how much they are loved because no matter how hard a guy tries, he can’t package his emotions into words like a woman can.
Letty: Certainly can’t. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
PD, you are so wise!
I should call you “the wise one”.
PD: 1Tim 1:17 Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, *the only wise God*, [be] honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Letty: How come it took me this long to realise my hubby had been selfless?
And I am busy looking for the city that best suites me, when the guy eye dey Abuja since … plus he knows exactly what he wants.
PD: Now, here is what I want you to practice doing from now on. When your husband proposes a move, give him your support verbally and with all body language. Let him know you support him, but then, find out if he prayed about it. Let him know you want to pray about it for God to give both of you clear directions on what to do.
Ama do just that.
PD: I hail the future of your marriage.
Letty: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Guess I understand submission better.
PD: If that is what you got out of this chat, God don win.
Letty: Yes, He wins again.
PD: Have a good night, my sister.
Permit me to share our conversation in a Christian women forum.
I think I have to make the women know I have erred, and set a kinda example.
They kinda think I’m a perfect woman. That ain’t too good you know.
PD: Well, I have often said that being a leader is not just about showing what to do but also showing how to do it and that includes how to repent and get back up.
Letty: My leader sir!
Once again, you have spoken correctly.
PD: I was going to ask much later for your permission to blog it, of course adjusting elements that reveal your identity while maintaining the gist.
Letty: Permission granted. Aa long as you send me the link.
Wanna read the story too😊
PD: I always do.
PD: Ehn? When did I become your leader?
Letty: Once a leader, always a leader. Accept the assurance of my highest regard.
PD: Choi! Na my head you dey break all this oyinbo?
Letty: Lol. Your girl is loyal.
PD: Abeg o, Sista, sleep is catching my eyes … Only my eyes o.
Letty: Goodnyt sir
PD: Good night ma
Some days later…
Letty: Good morning.
PD: Wellllll … So how did your Songs of Solomon week go?
Letty: 😊 good. Thanks for asking.
We also went to the cinema twice this week.
PD: You took him out to the movies?
PD: Well, that’s not something you see every day, is it?