Does God have Evil Spirit?

Q: Please I need clarification on this Bible verse o

1Sam 16:14 But the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord troubled him.

Does God have evil spirit? πŸ€”

A: Look at the verse again, the spirit *of* The Lord left and an evil spirit *from* the Lord came.

The former is God’s Spirit but the latter is not.

How come this evil spirit came *from* the Lord?

Bible calls God the head of principalities as in no one good or bad is above him. In fact, there is no space above him.

Eph 1:20 Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set [him] at his own right hand in the heavenly [places],
Eph 1:21 Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:
Eph 1:22 And hath put all [things] under his feet, and gave him [to be] the head over all [things] to the church,

Nothing happens in the realm of the spirit without God’s permission. He is the boss.

That way, he can guarantee that whatever evil we face will not be beyond our capacity to endure so that we will not be destroyed.

1Cor 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be bear it.

“Bearing it” does not mean lying down and letting the devil beat your brains out.

Another translation says “… that you might be able to bear up under it.” In order words “resist it”.

The way of escape is the word.

When Jesus was tempted, he escaped by using the word to resist the devil. This was what Adam, Saul, and Job did not do. It is what we must not fail to do.

Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

2Cor 4:13 We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak;

Rom 10:8 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, [even] in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;

Always speak life.

Remember the world belongs to mankind. God made the earth for fleshy man. For any being to operate here it has to have flesh or the permission of a fleshy being to do so. But in the realm of spirits, they need rights to access that principle so there is a court in heaven where spirits plead their various cases to execute anything on earth.

Rev 12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.

Job 1:6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them.
Job 1:7 And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.
Job 1:8 And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that [there is] none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?
Job 1:9 Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?
Job 1:10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.
Job 1:11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.

So, in Saul’s case, he became jealous of David and that evil spirit saw it as an excuse to afflict him. It was a clear cut case of open invitation and he could not be denied.

This is why sin and sinful life style is dangerous. Knowing that the grace of God is available excuses us in the court of heaven so we are not destroyed does not mean sin has no consequence.

Joyce Meyer said, Christ’s grace indeed excuses the sinner but not excuse the sin.

If you hang around sin, it may not touch your spirit immediately but it gains ground and yields a harvest that will work death in your flesh.

Jas 1:13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
Jas 1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Jas 1:15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

Gal 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
Gal 6:8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

1Cor 5:1,5 It is reported commonly [that there is] fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife … deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

You have a power to stay away from sin that Saul didn’t have. Use it and keep the devil away.

Rom 8:3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:
Rom 8:8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
Rom 8:9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.
Rom 8:10 And if Christ [be] in you, the body [is] dead because of sin; but the Spirit [is] life because of righteousness.

Rom 6:12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
Rom 6:13 Neither yield ye your members [as] instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members [as] instruments of righteousness unto God.
Rom 6:14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.

Shake the devil off.

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Pocket Money

Q: Sir, What do you think?

A: I’m married … my wife is married. So the proper question is what do you think?

Q: Pastor Daniel naaaaaaaa … Lolzzzzz. Was hoping u would just give me ur opinion.

A: What would you do if you were in this position.

Q: I grew up in a home were we had excess and slowly got to where we had nothing. I honestly don’t have much respect for money, despite wat it can do, I am more interested in how smart he is, than how full his pocket is.
Besides the question says “Currently Earning” πŸ™ƒ

A: Ok. Then. The question is answered.
I summarily agree with you.

Q: πŸ™„ πŸ˜€ yes sir … Lolzzzzz

Majority of ladies including my sisters think opposite, their reason is the current economic change. So I started wondering….. If maybe times have changed.

A: Times change but wisdom does not change.

Currently earning meagre pay does not make someone a meagre person. Many, if not all, of the success stories in the world today had humble and rough beginnings. Even the Apostle Paul, the most documented of the Apostles, was in prison while writing those letters for which he is now famous through eternity.

One issue is to ask yourself if you can see this person beyond his current pay check. No matter how good it is, it is a pay check and anything can happen at anytime to make the pay check stop coming. Like in Nigeria, for some of us, the pay check did not stop coming but the economic situation cut the value of our earnings in half.

Realise this as a fact, nobody starts with his dream job. Even if he’s in business, the initial earnings are always a far cry from the projections that might have been the motivation to begin the business in the first place. Nothing starts at the top, except the grave.

Second issue is to ask yourself if the person sees himself beyond his current pay check. If he has a plan for his life that transcends his current circumstances, then his own security is not in his job but in himself and his vision. If the vision is from God, and he is actively pursuing it, then you can be sure he will succeed no matter the odds.

It is this security that you, as a woman, should be looking for. Does he lose himself because he has lost his job? When his pocket is empty, does his life feel empty to him, and then to you? These last questions define the line between guys and girls whose relationships revolve around money and materials as separate from those whose lives revolve around the person they claim they are in love with.

This brings me to the next issue, that of being the reason for your presence in his life. Of course he should have the material means to take care of you at the level you’re willing to allow. If he doesn’t have it, it’s either you will walk out or he would so that is not even the issue. The issue is this, you’re there to be his helper.

I must say with sincerity and gravity, if you’re not in a person’s life to be a help to him or her, you shouldn’t be there at all. If the man you have the hots for does not need your help, he does not need you period. Why do I say this?

You would recall that in the beginning before the woman was created, there were two major words used to describe her purpose, thereby justifying the necessity of her creation. They were “companion” and “suitable helper.”

Gen 2:18 And the Lord God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone (or without a companion); I will make him an help meet (or suited) for him.

“If purpose is not known,”
… say it with me … “abuse is inevitable.” If you lose focus of the reason you’re in his life, you will abuse his life and yours.

I know we want to argue that the man is supposed to also help the woman, I have nothing against that. But, if at the very beginning God created the *woman* to be a companion though life and a helper with assignments, then it cannot be ignored that, both in fact and in principle, you are there to help him.

And if you’re looking at the meagre resources the man currently has access to and what comes to your mind is insecurity rather than something you can multiply and make to increase, then your capacity to see is seriously compromised.

You are a life giver, sure, as a Christian, yes, but even more so as a Christian woman. You are a multiplier, a builder, a wonder worker even in the natural; I am yet to meet a man who is not awed by the process of birth. Yet women do this almost routinely.

The womb in your body is a physical reminder of the womb in your spirit. As a woman, you will take a single sperm cell and effortlessly provide the environment for it to be grown into a complete bodied and totally unique, previously unseen, human individual.

These are reminders that your presence in a man’s life is to provide an environment where his dreams can safely grow into something you can be proud of.

So, if you see a man earning little and you run away because of the little, you have missed the opportunity to be a partner with God in the making of something great. It also means that all those confessions you make in church and the declarations your minister makes over you actually mean nothing to you beyond the noise. I say this because if you claim to believe the word of God over your life, why do you think the word that the low income earning man is currently believing will not come to pass.

Should not the brother also be asking questions about your capacity to bear children? I guess you would expect him to believe that you can, right? Interestingly, even to your own self, you have no proof that you can bear children. All you have to go on are the seeds of your menstrual flow which come monthly and your faith. Same applies to him, if he has a small unnoticeable monthly seed in his hand and faith in his heart, does he not deserve to be believed in?

No matter what we can see now, our future is different from our present. If it’s bad, it can become good and if it’s good, it can become great.

2Cor 4:18 … we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen [are] temporal; but the things which are not seen [are] eternal.

Job 8:7 Though thy beginning was small, yet thy latter end should greatly increase.

1Tim 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Your insecurity in God will produce insecurity in man and your insecurity with your chosen man is a sign that you are not yet secure in your relationship with God.

Back story

Q: Good afternoon sir. I have a relationship question

A: πŸ™†β€β™‚οΈ

Q: πŸ˜„
Is it right for your partner to hide the identity of someone who gives rumoured info on your past relationships?

A: It depends on the trust level you have at the moment.
If your spouse trusts the source more than she trusts you, she will not disclose. If you have earned the trust level for such openness, she will tell you. How you react will determine whether she will trust with such things in the future.

The level of maturity in the relationship so far is also a factor.
If you’re not trusted to handle it maturedly and focus, not on the source of the info, but the info itself and the implication on your relationship, then your spouse is wise for not disclosing the source.
Problem is non-disclosure worsens trust issues as it compromises transparency.

Q: Okay. Thank you sir

A: By the way, why do you ask?

Q: I’m asking because I’m in that situation right now.
He asked if I know a particular guy and for how long. I replied him and he asked if there is anything else he needs to know about the guy but he kept quiet. At this point I knew someone had told him something that has raised his curiosity. I asked who told him about the guy, he said a friend told him, but he has refused to reveal the identity of the person and it’s causing an issue.

A: πŸ˜„ It’s not causing an issue for him but for you.
Let it go. As long as you have told him the truth, give him time to learn to trust you to that level and beyond.

You cannot order him to tell you stuff. If you try it and succeed this time you will have to keep on doing that and it might eventually wreck the relationship.

So let it go. If he sees it’s not a big secret for you, he will relax and join you in treating it as no big a deal.

Q: Okay sir. Thank you sir

A: You’re always welcome.

The Girl Child

A precious brother read this post https://pdlionunlimited.wordpress.com/2018/03/08/respect/ and we had the following conversation. It’s quite long but it is worth your time.

Q: Good evening sir, I have a question relating to the last question too. Yesterday and today, we had a workshop on gender development in my office and very interesting discussions ensued.

This is an issue for both the male and female genders but it is mostly tilted towards the women because they suffer abuse the most in this regard.

So my question therefore is, how do strike a balance between helping a woman achieve her dreams, living up to her full potentials and exercising her rights when necessary and being a submissive wife to the husband. I asked that question bcos unconsciously, we breed our girls to submit to boys or see boys as stronger or smarter etc. So how do you train up a girl child to stand up for herself and not be intimidated by any man and yet be a submissive wife?

A: See jamb o

Q: Hahahaha

Jamb is simple for u na😁

A: I believe is in the balance is in the scriptures.

How should the girl child be treated by her family, how should she be raised?

Not in comparison to the boy child. We make a mistake trying to prove that men are stronger or, in order ro fight for the women, make them strive to disprove that general thought.

The issue is not about who is physically stronger. The average boy will always be stronger than the average girl in terms of brute strength but in terms of emotional fire power and attention to detail, women were created with extra strength in that regard. I say the average because you can always find a girl who’s stronger than some boy around her.

The roles we were designed by God to fill is seen in our everyday medical science. The average man’s skeleton is thicker, bulkier and rougher. Muscle mass is greater and there is less fat. Whereas the woman’s skeleton is more lithe, gentler, smoother.

Did you know that the average woman has a more acute sense of smell and taste? Thata why our homes smell as good as they do but particularly our children are better catered for because their mother can perceive them using more parameters than their fathers can. Did you know that whereas a guy uses one half of his brain overtime depending on the task at hand, a woman uses both halves per time? This helps men focus on the now but helps the woman remember more and in greater detail. Guys remember stuff is summary while women recollect in detail. It’s like black and white versus colour.

Necessity is the mother of invention and based on what each gender was invented by God to accomplish, the design is spot on. Each gender was designed to be stronger than the other in its area of strength and weaker than the other in the other gender’s area of strength. Why? So they can complement each other. Two halves coming together to become one whole, two partially strong persons coming together to make one all-round strong entity.

So, the girl should be raised not to compete with boy in strength or smarts but to be as strong and as smart as a woman was designed to be.

She should be proud to be a woman. She may be able to run as fast as the man but when she runs, it is with more grace and beauty hence she is being slower out of necessity. She brings more with her when she moves whereas the man needs to leave more behind in order to be able to move. But thank God there is someone coming right behind who picks up the things that were left behind and makes sure they all reach the finish line.

Her brothers should be raised to see her difference as her strength and to take advantage of the strength for the benefit of the family and to value her for it.

See the bible
Pss 127:3 Lo, children [are] an heritage of the Lord: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.
Pss 127:4 As arrows [are] in the hand of a mighty man; so [are] children of the youth.
Pss 127:5 Happy [is] the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

The Bible says Children, not sons. All your children are arrows, precision instruments of warfare that can fly off into the future to bring victory to your name. But guess who the quiver is. I believe it’s their mother. She is the one who keeps them.

How should she be treated outside her home? Well, outside your home it is a battlefield. So don’t expect any one to hand things to you on account of being sensitive but rather out of respect. But how you get that respect is the issue. More and more people, in this context women, are trying to gain respect by being better than the other person at that person’s own game. Why not play to your own strengths?

Like in the above scripture, you are an arrow, you need to find your own target. Don’t go out there trying to prove something or to be someone, you already are someone the world needs and that is why you need to go out there. One lady said “I am not trying to be a he-ro, I am a she-ro”.

In society, certain roles have been assigned to men and others to women. Our customs have evolved around the concept of roles. It is a misfortune that the necessity of these roles have brought us to the point of contest for supremacy rather keeping it in the celebrated context of complementality.

Just like in choir, the singer or preacher is the obvious recognized face. The sound engineer working behind the scenes is not often noticed, until something goes wrong of course. But each is playing a role and each role needs the other to performand deliver.

How should she be treated in her church?

The girl child should be treated as God, the Lord of the church does. The woman has kingdom rights just as the man does.

Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

As long as there is no female or male holy spirit, and it is the same holy spirit who fills all believers in spite of their gender, then it is to be accepted that in the realm of spirit we are without gender. It is our bodies that are either make or female.

Of course our minds function based on exposure and training and a male person is trained and exposed to male relevant or male filtered information, same for women. So it’s easy for us to get it mixed up thinking we are gendered in the spirit.

Mk 12:25 For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.

Gen 1:27 So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

God is spirit, so are the angels and so is man. It is our gender designation makes us either male or female. So at the heart, where it really matters, we are the same before God.

Therefore, in His wisdom, God had dealings with women just like he had with men, notably Mary the mother of Jesus and Mary Magdalene to whom Jesus showed himself after the resurrection.

If God does not look at us based on gender in manifestation of the spirit or in bestowing his love on us, then neither should we look at anyone in that way.

2Cor 5:16 Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we [him] no more.

How should she be treated in her marriage?

This is where it gets interesting and confusing for most people. The reason being that, because of all I’ve said before, it is easy to assume I am saying God is all about equality between genders in the marriage the understanding of the concept of equality being that both the man and the wife are to be equal in their union.

Again, the balance is in the scriptures… always in the scriptures.

1Pet 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5 [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

If you look at the scriptures well, you will see that the woman was not asked to be subject to men but rather to her own husband. Why would God ask her to submit if she was inferior? He would have just said, “Woman, stay in your inferior place.” The reason one person needs to be instructed to submit to the other is because they are equal in capacity or strength.

1Pet 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

You are equally heirs of the grace of God. Breaching this understanding will hinder your prayers as a husband. She is that powerful.

In marrigae, the issue is not whether the woman has as much rights as her husband or as strong, the issue is that they have been ordered by God to play different roles: one leads the other submits.

God operates in an orderly fashion, not in confusion. It is not order if no one is clearly given the directive to be in charge. There are responsibilities to being the head, both physical but more importantly, spiritual. This is why Eve ate the fruit and nothing happened but when Adam ate the fruit, all of heaven and earth was negatively affected. There is a chain of command that maintains this order so that things flow properly as God intends.

1Cor 11:10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on [her] head because of the angels.

Gen 5:1 This [is] the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
Gen 5:2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.

God created both male and female but called them by the name of the one He put in charge. It doesn’t mean that God doesn’t recognise the woman. In fact it is because of the wife that the man is asked to be in charge. If there was nothing to take care of, he wouldn’t be asked to be in charge.

Just as God has given angels charge concerning mankind even though we are higher than them for the purpose of defined roles. It is a matter of duty not power.

The focus is what needs to be done. If you’re alone, you’re in charge; if you’re part of a team someone would be put in charge.

Look at this account
Num 27:1 Then came the daughters of Zelophehad, the son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Machir, the son of Manasseh, of the families of Manasseh the son of Joseph: and these [are] the names of his daughters; Mahlah, Noah, and Hoglah, and Milcah, and Tirzah.
Num 27:2 And they stood before Moses, and before Eleazar the priest, and before the princes and all the congregation, [by] the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, saying,
Num 27:3 Our father died in the wilderness, and he was not in the company of them that gathered themselves together against the Lord in the company of Korah; but died in his own sin, and had no sons.
Num 27:4 Why should the name of our father be done away from among his family, because he hath no son? Give unto us [therefore] a possession among the brethren of our father.
Num 27:5 And Moses brought their cause before the Lord.
Num 27:6 And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying,
Num 27:7 The daughters of Zelophehad speak right: thou shalt surely give them a possession of an inheritance among their father’s brethren; and thou shalt cause the inheritance of their father to pass unto them.

At the end of the day, God used these women’s case as occasion to rescue others in similar situation. They had as much rights as the men did before God.

So, in view of her future role in marriage, the girl child is trained in the area of submission not because she is inferior to men in general, but because she has to master the art of keeping her strength in check while she plays the role of a wife to her own husband. The other side of the coin is that the boy child should be trained to become a husband who sees his wife’s submission as a deliberate gift to him in honour of God and not a sign of weakness or an identity that cannot exist without him.

Q: I appreciate you taking your time to do this. As you know, I’ve got 2 girls and this would help set my mind in the right direction.

A: I know you have girls and this was not a question of rhetorics for you, that’s why I took the time.

Q: I think the first thing is to not create the competing impression between the two genders but rather to see how they (girls) can complement the weaknesses of those around them (gender notwithstanding) and learn from others how to improve on their (girls) weaknesses. This is a view outside marriage and family as daughters. However, they should believe anything is possible, so they have the freedom in mind to grow at full capacity.

However, in marriage, while praying they get good husbands who will not seek to show their masculinity and try to limit their growth, they (girls) will know that marriage is an institution created by God and just like every other institution, there is always a head. God has made man to be the head of every home. She will have to submit to him so there won’t be two heads in the home.

This is my extract from your explanation

A: But you have to know that this training won’t work on your girls unless their mother backs you up and she will only back you up when she sees you’re one of those men who respect and empower their wives.

Q: Hmmm…yeah. funny enough, I have already started thinking in that direction.

A: 😊

Lord of Her Ring

Question: Is it right to tell your fiance that you have bought engagement ring at least to gain her trust and loyalty?

Or u just keep it cool till the engagement day?

Answer:

Basically, I’d say let the Lord guide you.

If she’s been eager for it, the sooner the better.
However, if her trust in you hinges on your getting her a ring, I think there is trouble on the horizon. Today it’s engagement ring, tomorrow it’ll be something else. You might find yourself being given increasingly difficult tasks until you can’t keep up.

Do you know what the end result will be when you finally fail? In spite of all the tasks you concluded in the past, she will conclude in the end that she cannot trust you.

Trust is another word for faith; some Bible translations use the word “trust” where others use “faith.” Faith is believing what God has told us. Of course faith without works is dead but, essentially, faith is taking God at his word. That is why even when things don’t look like it we can still have faith because it is based on the relationship and not on his performance.

So, I expect your girl to have learnt to trust you outside your performance. Even though your performance goes a long way to build her trust or break it down, if you perform poorly, it is not the best for her to tie her trusting you to one specific item. She might get what she wants but it makes it easy for her to be deceived. What if you are actually not worthy of her trust but manage to get her what she wants? This is a very common way girls get swept off their feet by unworthy guys.

For you, I encourage you to always demonstrate your commitment to her in everything you do. That way, you gradually train her to look beyond the things you do to make her happy until she sees you for who you really are.

In-laws of Pressure Cooker

Q:

I am in a relationship with a lady I love quite well. But her family is very demanding and it’s affecting our relationship. What can I do?

A:

Hallelujah!
Demands are many and varied o, and the implications vary as well. There are demands made as part of the bride price and wedding protocols.

However, anything beyond this is inappropriate. You are not yet a husband so responsibilities of husbands are not yet yours to bear.

Just as I would expect that your girl might cook for you once in a while and help you clean house once in a while, to demand that of her when she is not yet your wife is stepping out of bounds.

So, my counsel is not to quarrel your way out of this. Talk to your girl along these lines I just shared with you. She should be made to see how these demands are out of place and becoming a burden. She might be able to make her folks pipe down or she could step it down if she is the one bringing their problems to you.

If, however, they insist on pressuring you to meet their family needs, understand that things will not improve with time and will only escalate with marriage. If you’re not ready for that pressure, end it.

Managing Jealousy

Question:

Sir, a friend of mine asked me how he should go about this, at the start of the relationship the lady will always yield to what he says but after they been in relationship for a while she begins to tell him that he is making her not to be a real person. Though faithful, he hates seeing her relating to guys and it’s causing lots of issues. Right now, she wants to end it with him.

What should he do?

Answer:

Ok.

I don’t know if it’s too late to try to save this relationship but well …

Your guy has been jealous up to the point of being possessive of his girlfriend. If she is not allowed to relate with other guys simply because they are guys, then what will happen to her when they get married? Would he be able to tolerate other men even looking at her as she goes about her life? (Men cannot help looking at women; it doesn’t have to be lustful looking). Would he let her go to the market? Would he be able to deal with the thought of her going to work and having a career? She would basically be a prisoner.

If it’s that she knows they want her and she’s just enjoying their attention and flirting with other guys, that would be a different story and I would advise your friend to let her go. It would probably mean she has always been flirtatious and your friend got carried away by her charm and now that they are dating, he wants to forcefully modify her lifestyle. That won’t work.

But if she is not the flirtatious type and is being caged now and feels that she is forced to abandon friends and so on, then she is right, she has to leave him.

Your friend has to uunderstand that since they are not yet married, there is a limit to what he can say concerning her life. He has no rights over her yet.

Quite truly we all feel somehow when we see our girl with another guy but this shouldn’t go beyond the very initial stages of your relationship.

I say it this way because the feelings we have are automated responses; we often weren’t prepared for them or probably didn’t expect them to be so intense up to the point of controlling our behaviour.

But then, you should get a hold of yourself. The fact that you feel something doesn’t mean you must act on it. If you feel like urinating and you’re at that time in a board meeting, would you just relieve yourself right there? No. You know it is uncivilized to do so. So you subdue the feeling, starve it till you regain control. Then you find the civilized way to deal with the issue.

Same with this feeling of jealousy. You should starve it by not acting on it until it no longer controls you so that you can objectively look at the situation and come to realization of the facts to which you may now respond with civility.