Q&A: Baby Steps

Hi there.
I had an interesting conversation with a lady friend (I’ll refer to her as “Elly”) about her very young marriage, less than a year old in fact. She was having some sort of problem that I think is very very common and I decided to share it here.

As always, it is with permission and you will learn a thing or two.

Elly: Good afternoon sir. How is work and the family?

PD: All is well. God is good.

Elly: Good to hear that sir.

PD: How far with you?
How is your home?

Elly: I’m fine sir…I bless God sir.

PD: Hope you’re taking good care of your husband?

Elly: Yes sir.

PD: Do you submit to him in everything? Or do you struggle sometimes?

Elly: Honestly Sir, I really struggle at times. It’s not easy at all.

PD: How so? Don’t you love him?

Elly: Hmmmmm … It is well Sir…. I love him but sometimes he does what I don’t like and that makes me to get tired.

PD: Is your submission or love for him based on when he does things you do like?

Elly: Not at all sir … I submit to him and respect him but it’s not always I concur with him…there are times we disagree and he won’t admit his fault by apologizing.

PD: So, you wish you could get a cane and flog his bom bom.

Elly: Hahahhahhhahaa

PD: What if he also thinks you’re wrong and is waiting for you to apologize?

Elly: That is the problem here … I’m always the one apologizing.

PD: You think that is a problem?

Elly: He will never admits his wrong.

PD: When he admits he is wrong, will you eat the admission? Or will you forgive him and move on?

Elly: I always forgive him and move on cos he won’t feel it so I just have to forgive and move on with life.

PD: Blessed is the woman who seeks how to get a thank you from her husband more than she seeks an apology.

Elly: But the devil always has a way of hurting someone….Sir I thank God that a burden was lifted off me via the just concluded Bible School … the evil thought has seized from my mind cos initially a thought will be coming to seek for divorce and sometimes I will be saying in my next world I won’t get married … but thank God those thoughts have gone … I’m happy now.

That’s the honest truth sir.

PD: 😊

Elly: And, Sir, I’m pregnant.

PD: I’ll share something with you.

Elly: Ok sir.

PD: Your marriage is young … Very young. … And you look around at marriages around you that look beautiful. You want yours to be as sweet as theirs. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Elly: Yes Sir… I want it to be sweet sir.

PD: But most likely, all the marriages you’re admiring are many years older than yours.

Elly: Hmmmmm….that’s true sir.

PD: Do you realise that a marriage gets better as it grows? It’s called maturing. It takes patience to enjoy a marriage.

Elly: Thank you sir.

PD: It’s just like having a baby. Every woman wants to have have her first baby. She’s eager for it. Gets excited when she’s pregnant. And when she eventually gets to term she has to labour and push the baby out. And then she thinks the worst is behind her … nothing could be further from the truth.

Once the baby is outside your body, it starts to exert its own will on your life. It makes selfish embarrassing demands which you must fulfill. You can’t sleep when you want, you can’t sit quietly for any length of time. The baby becomes so demanding that you nearly forget that you love the baby. All you see now is the stress.

I’ve heard of women who abort their pregnancies just because they already have a stressful baby in the house they are still trying to deal with. You know, the easiest way to end all the stress is to throw the child away but you see that most people don’t. You know why?

Elly: No Sir …why?

PD: Its because they know it’s just a phase.

Elly: Yea that’s true.

PD: They know from watching others that after some time, this stressful baby, with time, will grow up into a helpful young man or woman and mommy will start to enjoy some rest.

Elly: Hmmmmm.

PD: Hmmmm.

Your marriage is still a baby. It’s soiling itself, messing up everything, spilling things, wasting things and so on.

Its a phase.

E: Ok Sir…thank you very much. God bless you.

PD: If both you are genuine in your love for each other, and more importantly for God, you will weather the storm and then you will rest down the line.

Elly: God helping us. I’m really relieved this evening and I’ve also learned a lot this evening. I’m very grateful Sir… God bless you and your family.

Oh no … my ba3 is low now.

PD: I’ll leave some messages for you to read up later.

As I said earlier, Blessed is the woman who seeks how to get a thank you from her husband more than she seeks an apology.

You entered your marriage with the intention of making someone happy, not to make him sorry. Why not focus on the good you can do to him rather than the apology you so much want. Even if he apologises today, he will mess up again tomorrow so apology will never and but if for lack of apology, which is not in your power, you cut out gratitude, which you can do something about, your marriage will be a complete pain.

I learned something from a friend years ago, his name is Harry Doghor. It says, “Lord, help me seek to understand more than to be understood”.

So rather than fight to make someone understand my point, I will calm down and try to understand his point. The more I understand him, the better I can handle him and his errors in the future but in the meantime, my calming down has cancelled the present fight.

Of course, that makes you look like you lost because your rights were not respected but that is the way of the world. Instead of being denied our rights, we as sons of God are taught to give up our rights like Christ did when He became human and in the end became our saviour. You may have lost your rights but You have gained peace in the place of a fight in the now, and in the future, you get to be the saviour of your marriage.

If you can do his consistently, after some time, you will notice your husband will get the point, that you’re trying to help, not trying to fight and that is when he begins to respect you in that special way that you see in older marriages. At that point, you will be the winner for all to see but your victory starts now as you choose Gods way of winning.

Most times, when we mention submission, lesser men think it’s the excuse to oppress their wives and lesser women think it means being fools.

Those who know it for what it is know that it is the way for women to win their husband’s to their side.

1Pet 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.

You can win without fighting if you choose the way of the bible.

Elly: Thanks so much will abide by the way of the Bible so I can build my home. God bless you for me😀

PD: If your husband were here, I would pull his ear for making my sister cry but … you be strong. Going God’s way means God is with you.

Be at peace.

Elly: Amen… Thank you sir. 

PD: 👍🏽

Elly: Thank you Sir.

17 days later…

Elly: Good morning sir. Happy Easter to you and your family.

PD: Iyawo (means wife or, in this context, new bride). Happy easter o.

Elly: Wish you same here sir….Thank you Sir.

PD: How are things going with your hubby now?

Elly: Good afternoon sir. We are doing great sir…Thank you so much sir.

PD: 👍🏽
Would you be willing to share your experience with other young couples to help them too?

Elly: Yes sir…I will sir
Thank you so much sir
PD: Great.

With your permission, I will share our chat with friends so they too can benefit.

Elly: No problem sir

PD: 👍🏽

Pastoring with tact

A friend of mine read this article from my blog JOB… 5 – http://wp.me/p6rlMY-24 

You should check it out before proceeding. 

We had the following discussion shared with the friend’s permission. The identity and some personal facts have been altered to protect identity without losing the details of the discussion itself.

Enjoy.   


Q: Thank you for this piece on Job. Human nature remains the same…even today, among believers, people still think it’s your fault when calamity befalls you. They want to make sure that you know its your fault, then they want to ‘fix’ you with the word. To crown it all, they say they are speaking for God.

A: Granted, we often bring destruction upon ourselves by some bad choices but even when you’re walking the straight and narrow all the way to heaven, bad things will still happen to you because the Devil doesn’t like you. The word says “many are the afflictions of *the righteous* but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”

Q: If we bring destruction on ourselves then our brethren are right to try to judge and straighten us out?

A: Yes, on such occasions. That’s what the scriptures say to do, “If you find a brother overtaken in a fault, ye that are strong, help him up, being careful yourselves lest you fall into the same error”

So, what I always do, is to ask questions first, and *help* the brother find his way through the situation.

Q: How do you help him?

A: It takes more time that way, but it gives me the opportunity to come along side the brother, identify with him, see his situation from his angle and once I’m in that place, I can *hear* God’s instructions on what to tell him. If I don’t have a specific rhema, I rely on the principles in the scriptures and just share them. Most times, folks come away better equipped to go through their time of difficulty or get back up *if* they fell.

Q: While you’re at it, do you ask the person to list their weaknesses and even add some from your own observations and put the person on a strict Bible study program? And tell the person, “if I was an unbeliever, I wouldn’t want to be a Christian when I look at your life”?

A: If need be, yes. It depends on what is needed. But, I get what you’re trying to say.

Rebuking a child of God is a valid function we owe each other as believers. Criticism is not the same as rebuke, however.

I may not use the words you have exemplified here but in the end, it’s the same thing we would have said but perhaps difference in approach will result in one person feeling helped and another feeling cut down.

I personally do not place people on a scripture diet but in my discussion with people, I will refer to the scriptures a lot to show the basis of my words and actions. And if I think the person is not aware of certain scriptural things, I can direct him to those scriptures to read and come back for further discussion as our relationship develops.

I have also been in a situation where I met a child of God who knew next to nothing in the scriptures but looked up to me. So I got him interested in studying the word but knowing the tendency for a beginner to stop if left to himself, I set up a schedule of feedback.

And it helped.

Q: I’m just wondering if that’s the best approach. Cos someone tried it with me after I told her I was very upset with my husband over something to do with his ex a few days before I lost my baby. I got so upset I shut it down.

A: OK. I see.

Well, I don’t know the context so I cannot say whether I agree or not but if the person is someone you have always known and trusted in times past, you should calm down and reconsider his comments.

Instructions can sound like obnoxious criticism when you’re already upset.

Q: No, she’s just a Church member who is much older than me, we work in the same department and I decided to tell her because she’s been watching out for the baby ever since she gave me the word she got from God.

Q: She said it was my fault I lost the baby cos God had given her a word for me that it will be well ever before I got pregnant, on and on, and started giving me daily assignments with deadlines. I told her I have thought about all she said and I already have a scripture I’m meditating on, but she wouldn’t have any of it and insisted I do her assignment and meet the deadline, that I’m very stubborn and proud and I should ask my pastors and they will confirm it. So I got annoyed and told her I’m not doing again.

A: Granted, you are a stubborn chick. Always have been, always will be …

Q: Sir?

A: … but the issue is not what she told you to do but perhaps how she told you and if there has ever been any such relationship based on “a word from the Lord” in the past.

Q: No, there hasn’t been any relationship, this is the one and only word from the Lord she has shared with me.

Q: I’m asking this because when I was in out of town for my masters, a sister in church got pregnant out of wedlock. She already KNEW that she had messed up, she didn’t need anyone to tell her that. But she felt God had abandoned her and wanted nothing more to do with her. So I got closer to her and just kept chipping in that God still loves her and the door is wide open for her to return to Him. Today she’s married to someone else and has more children … And she’s still in The Lord.

A: It’s quite common for one who bears a word of God to another to try troubleshooting when it looks like the word did not come to pass, just as we would if we prayed for a sick person to be healed and the person still died, or we asked God for something in prayer and it seems not to have been granted.
Quite naturally, we believe the fault is from the other person. We try to explain it one way or another but most times, however we explain it, we don’t find ourselves at fault; it must be the receiver’s fault for not receiving with Faith, or we blame God for it with statements like, “maybe it wasn’t his will”.

My thought is, why not ask him his will in the first place and pray for that.

Q: Very true. So how should we handle it when the word doesn’t seem to happen?
Many times when we go back to God after a failed word all we hear is silence, especially if the word is not directly for us.

So I’m wondering, is there a right way and a wrong way to go about this thing? Is the method more important than the results or is the result more important than the method?

A: My dear sister, the method is critical in the kingdom o. The end does not justify the means. There is God’s way and there is man’s way. However, I must state that God’s way doesn’t mean it will always be mushy mushy and cuddly cuddly. Sometimes, God will rebuke sharply too. Scriptures say God chastises us just as parents chastise the kids for love sake. Though they do it sometimes perhaps after their own interest but God is always after our highest good.

God’s way is not all rebuke either. Sometimes, he’ll cuddle and hug and all that. Whatever approach he chooses, the end is to restore the relationship to what it’s meant to be.

How do we know which method to choose? We don’t ever know. That’s why it’s imperative that we be led by the spirit of God because only they that are led by the spirit of God are the sons (manifest representation and representative of the intent and interest of the father, duly empowered to execute the father’s business in his stead and with results matching what the father would produce by his direct involvement so that considering results only, no clear distinction can be made between father and son) of God. [my paraphrase]

If he says rebuke, rebuke.
If he says encourage, encourage.
If he says nothing, you too say nothing.

Many of these mistakes can be avoided if we learn to admit and state as appropriate “I don’t know why this happened or I don’t understand what’s going on” rather than trying to always appear confident and “in the know” all the time.

Jesus warned, “If you had said you could not see, then you would have been given sight but because you insist that you do see, then your blindness (to which you are blind) remains. [my paraphrase]

Q: True

A: Sometimes too, people are on their journey to better things and so make rookie mistakes along the way. We are eager to be like the big names we know in Christian circles who have a reputation of hearing clearly from God and so are always spot on in terms of “a word from God” or any other matter which is a fallacy because we know in part and prophesy in part. The man of God who does not make mistakes is the only one who always, always, always, hear God clearly on every subject and does exactly as instructed.

Sadly, there is no such person, living or dead. At one point or another, we act out of selfish interest, or out of zeal for the Lord. But zeal *for* the Lord is not always zeal *of* the Lord and so we might do something in a bid to honour him but we did it without his say so and end up dishonouring him.

Q: Hmmmm, eez not easy to be a good man of God then🤔.

A: Ha ha ha ha ha
I think so too o. Which would explain the vastly overwhelming proportion of titled ministers who make the rest look bad, so much so that now mentioning a man of God in your discussion with many Christians nowadays turns them against you. Maybe it’s out of courtesy they haven’t said some nasty things about me to my face.

Then again, it’s my opinion that we generally commit “man of God abuse”.
If you look at Romans 12, you will see that their are differences in graces that we each are given and we are instructed to serve in that capacity and stick to that.

Rom 12:5 So we, [being] many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.
Rom 12:6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, [let us prophesy] according to the proportion of faith;
Rom 12:7 Or ministry, [let us wait] on [our] ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;
Rom 12:8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, [let him do it] with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

Not everyone has the grace to exhort (or encourage, advise or counsel) but we all get involved in it. Making mistakes in this area should be no more surprising to us than when someone who is not graced to be a prophet tries to prophecy or one not graced to be a teacher gets into teaching, and so on.

Taking the time to counsel people into the mind of God without damaging the person is something that pastors do with graced ease. A prophet is not interested in the condition of who is receiving it but in the authenticity of the message and the one giving it. An Evangelist has no time for sheep that are confused, only lost ones. You should expect a teacher to pour scriptures on you and even give you assignments but may not be able to walk you through your pain as relates to what he is teaching you.

If you look at it well, many of the people we call pastors are based on the offices they occupy in our church settings and denominations but not based on the role they play by divine enablement.

It is more common, in my view, to find pastors more popular with church members but less spectacular on the podium because most of the impact that they make is by connecting with people in the house outside church service time.

We usually consider others as being more powerful than the actual pastors are because those others have flair naturally incorporated into their service. I am not here insinuating that those ones are just into the show but it’s quite natural for us to respond that way to the authoritative and dramatic display of the power of God in church service that way.

You catch my drift?

Q: Yes I do.
But many times we don’t take the time to ask ourselves what is our ministry and ensure that we stick with it.

A: Yeah.

Q: Hmmmm… mentorship is another matter!

A: How do you mean?

Q: It takes the Grace of God to both be a good mentor and to find a patient Mentee.

A: 😆 Where in the world did this word called Mentee come from? Soon it will enter dictionaries.

As for your comment, I quite agree with you. Perhaps it’s even responsible for the creation of the word “Mentee” as an escape from the real deal which would be Protégé ( a person who is guided and supported by an older and more experienced or influential person
synonyms: pupil, student, trainee, apprentice) or disciple.

In these days of motivational themes of self realisation, who wants to be introduced as a pupil or disciple when you can be a boss of yourself with little or no training. Why stay in someone else’s shadow when you can take the stage and be celebrated right away?

We don’t want to sit still anymore. It seems to be washing out of our genetic make up generation after generation.
And I feel it’s unfortunate because there are things that are being lost to the human race rather than getting stronger with each passing generation.

My wife and I have met several people who perhaps heard us speak at a programme or something and they run to us and say they want us to be their mentors. Initially, we were excited at the prospect only to be disappointed by the vast majority because we found out that they were merely fans and not interested in being students cos when learning opportunities come, they either avoid us or are unwilling to do what we instruct them.

Q: Very true. I once told a Christian Brother who came to our area to start his ministry that he should find an Elijah whose hands he could wash, and at the right time, he would be given the mantle of a double portion. The guy got mad, I had to apologise to him. But till now, he hasn’t started his church.

A: 😕

Q: Sometimes I wonder whether it’s not the same God we are all working for.

A: There is also the harsh reality of the fear of being exploited which is becoming more and more rampant.

Q: The protégé is afraid of being exploited?

A: I think it’s an unfortunate vicious cycle.
Mr A doesn’t want to be mentored because he feels he has the skills needed to make it on his own only to discover down the line that it takes more than skills but he’s already a big shot so becoming a protégé all over again doesn’t look good so he hunts for people who have the skills to cover up his weaknesses and exploits them; Uses their raw untapped potential to further himself.

Of course, the students of Mr A discover what’s going on and take off with little or no training to start off on their own and the cycle continues.

My sister, the fear of exploitation is what always comes up once you mention Men of God, submission, seed sowing, even tithing. Our generation has an unhealthy dose of distrust and it affects everything we do.

Q: But who can blame them? The true shepherds are very few. The hirelings and the wolves are easier to come by.

A: The Labourers have ever been few.

Q: Thank God Jesus Christ is coming soon cos I don’t see this vicious cycle breaking anytime soon.

A: There are many parables Jesus told of the end time or his return that indicate he has always known these things would happen.
He’s not shocked, We are.
He knows what to do.

Q: True…we just need to have more faith.

A: Faith is key. But then, Jesus asked a serious question, “When the son of man returns, shall he find faith in the earth”
Faith in God is scarce now, and faith in fellow men is all but non-existent these days.

Q: Lol…faith in fellow men…never heard of that before
Always thought that my responsibility is to ensure that I can be trusted, never thought I had a responsibility to trust others.

A: Trust is a two way Street, dear sister.
Also, there is the trust that can be earned but before that can get a chance, there must be opportunities provided by the Trust that is freely given.
You have developed a level of trust in me over the years based on how I have conducted myself with you. That I have earned and perhaps deserve. But it would not have been possible if you did not open your heart to me at our first point of contact. That is a gift; I could never have earned that.
It is the chance you took on me that gave me the opportunity to earn more of your trust.

Q: True word👍🏼
Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my questions.

Friend Centredness 

Hello friends. I was involved in discussion with some friends a few days ago and thought to share it with you. 

As usual, the identities of the participants are protected and as always, I trust you will have fun while learning a few things. 

Enjoy! 

Lee: Hi all, I have a question. How would you know true friendship?

Tee: Good question

Lee: Oya oh!
Answers please.
Before I start calling us out.

Tee: Been thinking about this for sometime now.

Lee: Ok Na.
After thinking, what do you think?

Tee: Ha, me too I need answers o.

Tammy: I also want to know o. You just said my mind.

Lee: 😂💦😂💦😂💦

Ok naa, where PD (the rescuer of the brethren), PL, Sis G etal?

PL: We are all busy 😁

Lee: 😁

PL: A true friend is one who loves you unconditionally (i.e. regarding the true meaning of love), Will stand with you, tell you the truth @ all times, celebrate with you when you do, support you when you need it but will not stand with you when you are wrong.

Knowing true friendship only takes time for you to prove it. True friendship involves looking out for each other’s interest, helping each other become better and achieve your goals and dreams.

True friendship is not only when the other person is treating you well but when you also treat the person well and not take advantage of the person.

Lee: Thank you for your wisdom.

PD: What PL said, That’s what we think.

Lee: Athink you see am na?
What do you think PD?

PD: I just told you naa. She typed out what we both think.

Lee: Does it include regular visits to each other?

Bee: Not necessarily.

PD: Regular visits? No, that’s a job not a relationship. You visit as part of your fun not because you have a schedule to maintain. Or sometimes, if emergencies call for it and you’re available.

Lee: Thank you.

PL: You do not have the time to visit the person everyday, don’t expect it from the person too. When you have the time, do it. If you don’t, use other avenues to connect with the person.

Lee: Can friendship not run @ its pace? Must I visit my friends?
As talkative as I am, I really don’t like visiting.

PD: Then in this regard, you have to adjust. Care and love for each other are not virtual reality concepts. You must show it. Folks can’t read your mind so they won’t know until you display it.
I recommend you set up a routine for yourself to visit one friend or another per month, no rush when you do. I mean, make that your activity for that day. It would be easier if that friend is a family friend so your spouse can support you.
Same thing with making calls to friends and family.

Tammy: 📖🖊📝📝

Tee: Ok

Lee: Merci beaucoup.
PD: He hasn’t called? Why don’t you pick up your phone and call him and say, “Hey, bro, whatsup? You haven’t called for a while like you usually do. Is everything alright?”
By that one action, you have done two things.
1. You have shown that his calls were actually valuable to you and you enjoy them.
2. You have shown that you’re not just sitting down waiting for him to come and pay homage. You also care but perhaps you are not as great at making calls as he is.
You just might find out that,  like our Brother Will, his phone was stolen and he is still trying to get another one or like Sister Tammy, her phone is doing skoin skoin (i.e. has a problem) and she has to borrow a relative’s phone to stay in touch and so on and so forth.
The principle can be applied to visits, gifts, and so on.

Lee: Life would be easier if we did this.

PD: I get amused when I call someone who I haven’t heard from for some time and they spend the time complaining, “Eheeeeeeen, you have forgotten me, abi? You refused to call me. It’s not good o. I thought we were friends”. 😒😒😒 And I’m thinking, “You are using my call credit to tell me that I don’t call you?” For some, I just tell them straight to do that on their own call credit and not waste mine, cos in case you haven’t noticed friend, I’m the one calling now“.

On the other hand, I have had to tell a lot of friends, when I do call them and they are all over the place apologising for not calling… I tell them something like “Hey, our friendship didn’t start because of a phone call and it won’t end because of a lack of one, so let’s pick up where we left off and keep going”. They are usually grateful. Some of them are, perhaps, here on this platform. 

See, I’ve told myself that even if I am perfect, life isn’t. Things happen as part of life that makes people’s best intentions and efforts to still come up short. Give them a break, cut them some slack, they are people living in the same imperfect world as you.

Tee: What about when it’s only you dat does all the calling? 

PD: I will say this to you. How many times have you forgiven God of his transgressions? How many times have you sat down to listen to God’s prayers and answer them? How many times has God taken you for granted and forgot to connect with you on a daily basis? Answer is zero.

So, since you were made in the image and likeness of God, more so, you are the new creation the whole of eternity has been excited to see, you can do better than getting tired of being the one calling all the time.

Tee: Yes sir. 

PD: It is this same principle in every other relationship, including marriage, that God taught me years ago and I have been applying ever since: Love others as I have loved you. 

His love is unconditional, never tiring, never waning, consistent. Predictable. I’ve come to learn recently… Well not so recently sha… that God is the most predictable person there is. You know exactly what He would do in every situation. His predictability is sure. In fact, another word for predictable would be faithful.

When we read 1 Corinthians 13 and get to the point that says “Love never fails”, we usually read it in our contemporary English language and conclude that it means love always succeeds or love always wins but that is not what it means. The word fail there actually means to finish or get exhausted. So, what we are actually looking at there is “Love no dey finish”. 

I know I am right because it goes on to say “Now abideth Faith, Hope and Love”. What that means is that at the end of all things, three things abide forever, three things *remain* and they are faith, hope and love.

So love doesn’t finish. Keep calling.

However, I must draw your attention to something else. Why are you calling? Are you calling so that they would also call you back? If that’s it then you are not loving, you’re simply trading. And in trade, sometimes you gain and sometimes you lose. Besides, Jesus said if you do good only to folks who can return the favour, you ain’t doing anything awesome. The worst hypocrites can match you on that level.

Tee: That’s true. 

PD: Of course, if I am managing a relationship, I will tell the other person too to do better than just receiving all the time because love gives. If you love, you give. And if you return a favour, you water a seed and a beautiful harvest is in view.

But if your reason for reaching out is because of love (Agape o), then whether the person responds or not, you always win.

Tammy: Hmmm! 👍

PD: You know the funny thing? I have stopped looking for true friendship a long time ago. I don’t need to look for it. It takes time to recognise it but will I now hold back loving and keep running tests till I am convinced that this person is a true friend? Meanwhile, even if the person was a true friend, he might have perceived me an untrue friend because I was not reciprocating.

Tee: True Sir. 

PD: Instead, I just go on loving and giving. If you’re a true friend, with time I will know but meanwhile, in the same time you too will know I am a true friend. But if it turns out you’re not, well, you’ll eventually show yourself and the disconnection would be automatic, probably you would even run away on your own. 

Would I get hurt? Would I feel taken advantage of? Would I feel used and abused? Of course, I would. But why is He Jehovah Rapha if not for healing my broken heart?

Did Jesus not say we are blessed when men use and abuse us for his sake? Did he not say to bless those who curse us and pray for those who spitefully use us? 

You know why he said that? Its because he wants us to know ahead that folks would do that to us and we shouldn’t sit down and mourn over it. We should man up, get over it, and move on. One verse of scripture says “quit you like men, be strong.” That’s 1 Corinthians 16:13.
We are soldiers, not feel good groupies.

Angelo: Nice one PD 👍

PD: I think a major part of our problem is that we forget to use the parameters of our homeland to assess things. We use earthly tools and we end up feeling dumped on just like “earthlings” tend to do and which makes them look out for “Number 1”. The word says, if in this world only we have hope, we are of all men most miserable. If our basis for life is only what we can see here, no wonder we are miserable. 

You know you tend to feel worse when something feels wrong and you know that you’re better than this yet you’re feeling bad? That’s exactly how of all men most miserable we are.

Lee: Thank you PD.

I enjoy a friendship where I am not pressured. 

A friend comes to visit and tells me, “If you don’t visit me, I will not visit you again.”  

PD: Your “friend” should not attempt to guilt you into doing anything. That’s exactly what I was describing earlier… doing good to folks because you want them to return the favour later is trading. If a person cannot see that you’re in a phase where your time is stretched thin, then, at the moment, he is being self-centred rather than friend-centered. Do what you can at your pace because you want to. Use your phone if you can’t be physically available. If the person now decides not to pick your calls, well then, sadly, let him go.Hey, our friendship didn’t start because of a phone call and it won’t end because of a lack of one, so let’s pick up where we left off and keep going”. They are usually grateful. Some of them are, perhaps, here on this platform.

See, I’ve told myself that even if I am perfect, life isn’t. Things happen as part of life that makes people’s best intentions and efforts to still come up short. Give them a break, cut them some slack, they are people living in the same imperfect world as you.

Tee: What about when it’s only you dat does all the calling?

PD: I will say this to you. How many times have you forgiven God of his transgressions? How many times have you sat down to listen to God’s prayers and answer them? How many times has God taken you for granted and forgot to connect with you on a daily basis? Answer is zero.

So, since you were made in the image and likeness of God, more so, you are the new creation the whole of eternity has been excited to see, you can do better than getting tired of being the one calling all the time.

Tee: Yes sir.

PD: It is this same principle in every other relationship, including marriage, that God taught me years ago and I have been applying ever since: Love others as I have loved you.

His love is unconditional, never tiring, never waning, consistent. Predictable. I’ve come to learn recently… Well not so recently sha… that God is the most predictable person there is. You know exactly what He would do in every situation. His predictability is sure. In fact, another word for predictable would be faithful.

When we read 1 Corinthians 13 and get to the point that says “Love never fails”, we usually read it in our contemporary English language and conclude that it means love always succeeds or love always wins but that is not what it means. The word fail there actually means to finish or get exhausted. So, what we are actually looking at there is “Love no dey finish”.

I know I am right because it goes on to say “Now abideth Faith, Hope and Love”. What that means is that at the end of all things, three things abide forever, three things *remain* and they are faith, hope and love.

So love doesn’t finish. Keep calling.

However, I must draw your attention to something else. Why are you calling? Are you calling so that they would also call you back? If that’s it then you are not loving, you’re simply trading. And in trade, sometimes you gain and sometimes you lose. Besides, Jesus said if you do good only to folks who can return the favour, you ain’t doing anything awesome. The worst hypocrites can match you on that level.

Tee: That’s true.

PD: Of course, if I am managing a relationship, I will tell the other person too to do better than just receiving all the time because love gives. If you love, you give. And if you return a favour, you water a seed and a beautiful harvest is in view.

But if your reason for reaching out is because of love (Agape o), then whether the person responds or not, you always win.

Tammy: Hmmm! 👍

PD: You know the funny thing? I have stopped looking for true friendship a long time ago. I don’t need to look for it. It takes time to recognise it but will I now hold back loving and keep running tests till I am convinced that this person is a true friend? Meanwhile, even if the person was a true friend, he might have perceived me an untrue friend because I was not reciprocating.

Tee: True Sir.

PD: Instead, I just go on loving and giving. If you’re a true friend, with time I will know but meanwhile, in the same time you too will know I am a true friend. But if it turn out you’re not, well, you’ll eventually show yourself and the disconnection would be automatic, probably you would even run away on your own.
Would I get hurt? Would I feel taken advantage of? Would I feel used and abused? Of course, I would. But why is He Jehovah Rapha of not for healing my broken heart?

Did Jesus not say we are blessed when men use and abuse us for his sake? Did he not say to bless those who curse us and pray for those who spitefully use us?
You know why he said that? Its because he wants is to know ahead that folks would do that to us and we shouldn’t sit down and mourn over it. We should man up, get over it, and move on. One verse of scripture says “quit you like men, be strong.” That’s 1 Corinthians 16:13.

We are soldiers, not feel good groupies.

Angelo: Nice one PD 👍

PD: I think a major part of our problem is that we forget to use the parameters of our homeland to assess things. We use earthly tools and we end up feeling dumped on just like “earthlings” tend to do and which makes them look out for “Number 1”. The word says, if in this world only we have hope, we are of all men most miserable. If our basis for life is only what we can see here, no wonder we are miserable.
You know you tend to feel worse when something feels wrong and you know that you’re better than this yet you’re feeling bad? That’s exactly how of all men most miserable we are.

Lee: Thank you PD.
I enjoy a friendship were I am not pressured.
A friend comes to visit and tells me, if you don’t visit me, I will not visit you again.

PD: Your “friend” should not attempt to guilt you into doing anything. That’s exactly what I was describing earlier… doing good to folks because you want them to return the favour later is trading. If a person cannot see that you’re in a phase where your time is stretched thing, then, at the moment, he is being self-centred rather than friend-entered. Do what you can at your pace because you want to. Use your phone if you can’t be physically available. If the person now decides not to pick your calls, well then, sadly, let him go.

Lee: Fine, maybe I should still try. But, I have an honestly very tight schedule.

Two old and sick mothers to take care of, I stay pretty far, children and a baby too.

I have enjoyed pressure-free friendship in the past. I visit and visit, because I know my friend is busy, and I never threaten them about not visiting. And of course, I know they appreciate it, then when they find the time, they visit too.

Tee: This is the best group to belong.

PD: I’ll end with this, “Greater love has no man than this, than that a man lay down his life for his friends”. When Jesus made this statement, he wasn’t dead yet. The drive of the statement is not about literally dying to keep your friends alive. Although it includes that but what it really implies is that there is no love greater than when a man lives his life for the benefit of his friends.

Just live for others as God lives for you and you’ll be fine. One of my Pastors said, “Christianity is not about what others are supposed to do but what I am supposed to do”.

Ash: Great words PD! Truly blessed by them and thanks for sharing.

MJ: :mrgreen: God. Bless you Dr Lee for that thought. God bless you PDeeee awesome.. all contributors God bless you tooooooos.

Questions on my plate. 

Hello friends.
There was this article about cold tea causing heart attacks that went round the Internet some time. I responded to it and thought I had silenced in my circle of friends. Alas, it came back bigger and badder. It now includes a gist about fruits causing all manner of stuff.

If you haven’t seen the post, here it is:

Eating Fruit on Empty Stomach

This will open your eyes ! Read to the end; and then, send it to others on your list as I just did to u!

Dr Stephen Mak treats terminal ill cancer patients by an “un-orthodox” way and many patients recovered.

Before he used solar energy to clear the illnesses of his patients, he believes on natural healing in the body against illnesses. See his article below.

It is one of the strategies to heal cancer. As of late, my success rate in curing cancer is about 80%.

Cancer patients shouldn’t die. The cure for cancer is already found – it’s in the way we eat fruits.

It is whether you believe it or not.

I am sorry for the hundreds of cancer patients who die under the conventional treatments.

EATING FRUIT

We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths.

It’s not as easy as you think. It’s important to know how and when to eat the fruits.

What is the correct way of eating fruits?

IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS!

FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH

If you eat fruits on empty stomach, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.

FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.

Let’s say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit.

The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so due to the bread taken before the fruit.

In the meantime the whole meal of bread & fruit rots and ferments and turns to acid.

The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.

So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals !

You have heard people complaining :

Every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc.. etc..

Actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on _an empty stomach._

The fruit mixes with the putrefying of other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat !

Greying hair, balding, nervous outburst and dark circles under the eyes all these will NO happen if you take fruits on an empty stomach.

There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter.

If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the SECRET of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight.

When you need to drink fruit juice – drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans, packs or bottles.

Don’t even drink juice that has been heated up.

Don’t eat cooked fruits because you don’t get the nutrients at all.

You only get its taste.
Cooking destroys all the vitamins.

But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice.

If you should drink the fresh fruit juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it.

You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse or detoxify your body.

Just eat fruits and drink fresh fruit juice throughout the 3 days.

And you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look !
KIWI fruit:
Tiny but mighty.
This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

APPLE:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away?
Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby _helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke._

STRAWBERRY:
Protective Fruit.
Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging and free radicals.

ORANGE :
Sweetest medicine.
Taking 2-4 oranges a day may _help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer._

WATERMELON:
Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which _helps boost our immune system._

They are also a key source of lycopene the cancer fighting oxidant.
Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium.

GUAVA & PAPAYA:
Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content.

Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation.

Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.
DRINKING  COLD WATER  or DRINKS  AFTER A MEAL = CANCER

Can you believe this ?

For those who like to drink cold water or cold drinks, this article is applicable to you.

It is nice to have a cup of cold water or cold drinks after a meal.

However, the cold water or drinks will solidify the oily stuff that you have just eaten.

It will slow down the digestion.

Once this ‘sludge’ reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food.

It will line the intestine.

Very soon, this will turn into FATS and lead to CANCER !

It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

Let’s be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive.

A cardiologist says:
if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we’ll save at least one life.

So lets do it.
-End-

PHEEEW! SORRY FOR THE LONG READ GUYS had to make sure that whole article came in. 

Okay now.
As I mentioned before, the post has two parts. The first part about fruits is addressed on a fun but enriching platform of friends I belong to.

I have harvested a discussion on the post from another platform.

The second part, which is about cold drinks and heart attacks and the Chinese people, is addressed by an article on my blog, as I mentioned earlier. I have added the link at the end of the discussion on fruits.

Enjoy.

Dr Linda: Well I know the part Abt… Fruit getting mixed with the food=acid is not quite true sha;)
Dr Daniel: The only part of this post I can readily say is true I the portion that details to benefits of the various fruits like Kiwi, Watermelon and so on. 

But… Food rotting in the stomach? 😒Na carpenter design the human body?

Sunny: Jesus was a carpenter naa.

IJ: Suuuuuunnnyyyy!

Dr Daniel: Gerrarahere meeeeehn!

Dr Linda: With your knowledge of biology and digestion, does food rot in our system?

Dr Daniel: No matter what you eat and how you eat it, it will spend 3-4 hours in the stomach before moving into the intestines, even the fruits. The only thing that gets absorbed before this time line are some sugars, from whatever source. That’s why we use glucose-D, Lucosade boost, soft drinks or plain table sugar to rescue people who fall into hypoglycaemia, especially diabetics.

Acid is secreted by the walls of the stomach not by food in our stomach.

Dr Linda: See, God created our body to detoxify itself. In fact, that is the major work of the liver.

Dr Linda: It is good to eat fruits cos there are some vitamins you can only get in them

Michael: OK…

Dr Linda: The liver has problems detoxifying the body when it is diseased.

Michael: Hmmmmm

Dr Daniel: Yes. That’s true

Dr Linda: Like I said few days ago, always check the source. Some people bring out some funny researches just to convince people to either buy their drugs or adopt their way of life.

The reason you feel like using the toilet after fruits is cos most have fibres called roughages which helps the movement of the intestine which is why fruits are used to treat constipation.

Dr Daniel: All this detoxification we peddle is not true naa. The liver and kidneys handle the toxins our bodies encounter, not the intestines. In fact, the intestines create toxins of their own when fecal matter overstay due to the activities of naturally occurring bacteria. If you don’t do “number two regularly”, you might notice you have frequent headaches; yhose toxins are partly responsible.

I agree that if you lay off food for a while and take only water, you will feel lighter and that light feeling comes with a sense of well being.

But if you continue like that, you will build up dangerous toxins that even the liver struggles with as the body starts breaking down muscle after it has exhausted the fat in your body.

Dr Linda: Go eat lime or lemon on empty stomach, you go hear am.

Fejiro: The level of quackery on the internet is staggering. And it is sad that so many people fall victim to this nonsense.

Dr Daniel: The good old magic of taking balanced diet doesn’t fail. Take all you need in the right proportions and you would be fine.

There are some, sake of their health, are placed on a fruit-major diet for some time.

I know we are to love our neighbours as we love ourselves but let’s stop taking panadol for another person’s headache. If you have not been placed on a fruit diet as part of a treatment protocol for a present disease, don’t adopt it as a lifestyle because you heard it treats a disease you don’t have!

IJ: ha ha ha ha

Dr Daniel: Abeg o, there is a much established connection between acids and ulcers so if you make a habit of taking acidic fruits like the citrus family of oranges, lemon, lime, on an empty stomach, you’re dieting your way to peptic ulcer disease o. There is a reason those fruits have a slight bitter taste…. That’s the acid warning.

Once someone claims they have 80% cure rate in cancers…. me eyes start twitching ;). Only God can boast of that and be correct.

Uche: Chaiiiiiii! I don go spend my last N500 go buy fruits o. Wetin make I do naa?

Michael: Give it to me.

Dr Linda: Sell it to others who read this post for N2000. You go just hammer.

IJ: Ha ha ha ha

Dr Daniel: Buying the fruits is good. Make it a regular part of your diet. Nothing wrong with that.

Dr Linda: Who is this doc sef? “Drinking cold water after a meal causes cancer?” Hian!

Dr Daniel: Once in a while, try fruit salads as part of your meal.

Dr Linda: There is also this new weight loss rave that is going on now called ketone diet . Pls read this article before you try anything.

http://www.healthline.com/health/type-2-diabetes/facts-ketones

Dr Daniel: How many times will this cold water causes cancer gist circulate.

The sad part is some of us will believe all these “dem say” kind of talk and start working with them but when a trained doctor mentions anything we start binding the doctor as if na devil in white coat.

Who is this cardiologist they keep quoting at the end of these toxic posts?

Michael: Na aloe vera doctor joor.

Dr Linda: Google his name to even know who he is. http://peterblakeboroughsblog.blogspot.com.ng/2012/09/dr-stephen-mak-fraud.html?m=1

He is being called a fraud.

I decided to copy the article for us just in case we can’t access the link.

“Who, and where, is Dr Stephen Mak?

In my search for the elusive Dr Stephen Mak, the nearest I was able to get to him was a Dr Stephen Mark, a psychiatrist in Waco, Texas who has a clean record with his patients and the authorities. He probably wastes a good part of his day explaining to people that he is a Mark rather than a Mak.

Mak only Googles in connection with the above so-called cures and advice. It would be safe to conclude that if he exists at all (and he possibly does under another name) he is probably making a lot of money from gullible people before they die.

If anyone has any positive proof that Dr Stephen Mak is a real person, please post your evidence in the comment space below.”

Dr Daniel: And as many as are led by the Internet, they are the sons of… 🤔

Faith:… Sons of the Internet.

IJ: 😂😂😂

-end-

For the blog post that attends the second part, please use this link:

Heart Attacks, Hot Water and the Oriental Tea Tradition. – http://wp.me/p6rlMY-b6

Cheers.

My Birthday Present

On my birthday I received a beautiful gift –  The gift of trust. I would like to share it with you.
Enjoy.


Q: Happy birthday, sir.

A: Heeey, Sister. Nice to hear from you. How are you? Where are you now?

Q: Good day sir.
I’m in [~~~~] now my hubby is transferred here early this year.

A: Wow! How’s the life of the wife of a military man?

Q: It’s not easy ooo but we bless God.

A: You have kids now?

Q: A boy.
Kids? In how many years sir?

A: What? Don’t you always prophecy divine speed? Don’t you always sing “everything na double double”?

Q: Ha ha ha ha ha
Double ke?
This one I’m still trying and praying to adjust to the changes. I wonder how it would be if it was double.

Sir, please, there is a question I have b wanting to ask for months now.

A: Go ahead

Q: To put to birth through CS, is it a normal thing that God planned for us or someone sinned against Him?

A: Ha ha ha ha ha

Q: Why are you laughing sir?

A: Because it’s funny naa. But I guess it must be bothering you.
Let me ask you a question.

Q: ok.

A: To eat cold rice and stew, is it normal as God planned or did someone sin against God?

Q: ha ha ha ha ha

A: You see? You’re laughing too.

Q: But these two are not the same.

A: My dear sister, they are the same. No difference at all… at least in this regard.

Q: But God promises us that we will give birth like the Hebrew women which I keyed into and believed on for supernatural child birth.

A: And God promises us that we will eat good food. Is good food cold?

Q: OK ooo.

A: Tell me what happened to you.

Q: It’s a long story.

A: I like long stories. We can even do not in seasons… Just take your time.

Q: They called it pre-eclampsia.
Just from no where my BP got high @ 8months and 2 weeks. Our family doctor said that it has to be CS to save my life and that of d baby.
So my son was preterm, he was put in an incubator for two weeks.

A: I don’t want to interrupt you. So when you’re through with your story, let me know.

Q: That’s all to cut the story short, sir.

A: Ok. Another question from me, do you remember the story of Jesus when he calmed the storm by saying “Peace, be still”?

Q: Yes.

A: Where was Jesus when the storm started?

Q: in the boat sleeping.

A: Exactly, Jesus was in the boat, yet the storms came. Things don’t go wrong because Jesus has left you or because you have sinned, they go wrong because the devil is evil and would take any shot at destroying you.

Q: yeah.

A: Of course, sin brings consequences but that’s exactly why Jesus died, so you won’t bear the consequences.

Q: Ok. Now I get it. I thought I did something wrong for God to punish me that way.

A: No no no no no no.
God does not punish his children. He rebukes us when we miss it but he doesn’t punish us. Jesus has taken our punishment. Isaiah 53 says the in vs 4 that he has taken our griefs and it was God who afflicted him, he was wounded because of our sins and by his stripes, we were healed.
God would be unfair, after punishing Jesus for your sin, to now punish you again. Them why did he punish Jesus?

So, just like sometimes, maybe gas finished and you don’t have kerosene as back up to warm your rice and stew, any number of things could go wrong even when we believe in God, because we have an enemy. But just as we eventually thank god that we got to eat the cold rice and stew, we can still thank God that both you and your baby are alive and well to fix whatever might have.
Challenges and unpleasant situation do not always mean we lack faith, it could also mean that we are being attacked because of our faith. The devil is not after your delivery pattern, the manner in which you deliver your baby is of no consequence to him. What he is after is your faith in God. If he can hit you in a place that hurts you and make you start wondering whether God loves you or whether he is real, then he is achieving his objective.

Q: Thank you, sir. I’m so honoured. Sorry to bring this up on your birthday.

A: My birthday is a great day to be of service to you. A question you’ve had for 7 months finds answers on my birthday,… it’s not a small glory to God.

Q: ha ha ha ha
I don’t like bothering people that’s why. Although I thank God for sending you my way today. If you had not asked me where I am, I would have still left my questions unanswered.
Thank you sir.

A: Abeg, bother me o. If I don’t have answers to your questions, I will search for them or direct you to someone who does.

Q: ha ha ha ha ha. OK ooo
Another question but promised d last one for today.

A: Ha ha ha ha

Q: Is family planning a sin?

A: Do you think it is?

Q: I searched online some say is a sin n some said is not. But to me… I can’t tell.

A: ok.
Let me advise you first before answering your question, searching online for the mind of God is quite dangerous. There are lots of misleading information out there…some people innocently but ignorantly put wrong stuff online while others maliciously do so, looking for gullible people to swallow their poison.
If you must go online, go to websites of ministers you already know. Look for their contact platform and ask them your questions. Some will answer you.

Q: OK sir.

A: Now to your question, many times, we use the expression “building a family” or “starting a family”. Meaning, somehow, we consider it a project of significance.

Q: Yes sir.

A: Even the Bible uses such an expression.
Prov 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Prov 9:1 Wisdom hath builded her house, she hath hewn out her seven pillars.

Prov 24:3 Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established.

If building a home is such a project, that it requires wisdom, then it means if care is not taken, it can go wrong.
This is why Jesus said…
“Lk 14:28-30 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have [sufficient] to finish [it]? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish [it], all that behold [it] begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish”

So, planning is not a sin. Not only is it not a sin, it is wisdom. What ever you need to do, you need to plan for it, organise yourself for it.

Even God, when he does things, he plans for it, he organises for it. Is it because he feels there is the possibility that he might run out of resources to complete his project? Of course not. But for the mere fact that prudence, which is insight plus planning, is a virtue of the wise, God plans.

Take creation for example. Why did God call light to be first and not the animals? Or the plants?
Do you notice that God had to see what he made so he could find pleasure in them and declare them good?

Q: Yes

A: Do you notice he didn’t create the animals before creating the plants that the animals would feed on? And so on and so forth.

Q: Yeah.

A: Even when Jesus was to feed the multitude, he still told them to sit down in fifties and hundreds. That’s planning and organisation.

God even told me something some time ago, he said “With organisation, little becomes much”

I don’t know why the question came up o but understand that a man is not rendered fortunate by the multitude and for children he has but by the multitude of mighty deeds his children carry out.
1Sam 2:4 The bows of the mighty men [are] broken, and they that stumbled are girded with strength.
1Sam 2:5 [They that were] full have hired out themselves for bread; and [they that were] hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble.

That’s was Hannah’s story. Her first son alone, shut up the mouth of Peninnah.

Again, the Israelites got to the land of promise and God said he would not give them the land all at once because they could not occupy it fully because of their size as at that time. Deuteronomy 7:22.

All these are examples of planning.

Q: In fact I don’t know what to say to you sir how grateful and honored I am. May God continue to bless n increase your ministry on everyone. Amen.

The way you bring out the reality of God’s word just made me keep mute and continue reading. I bless God for you sir.

Now I’m prepared to answer some unanswered questions to my friends. Thank you sir. God bless u always! And have a great birthday bash!

A: Thank for the birthday wish.
Meanwhile, anyone who thinks family planning in terms of birth control is a sin should also repent for having cell phones and cars instead of trekking all over the place to say hi to their friends.

Q: Rightly said, sir.

A: Thanks for trusting me with your concerns today.

Q: You’re welcome sir.

Rise again

Hello. I had the following discussion with one who is now a friend sometime back. Her story is quite frequently encountered as I interact with people and so, I got her permission to share it here. 

What better day is there to share a life changing story of faith and salvation than today.  

Enjoy. 

Q: Good evening sir

A: Good evening.

Q: My name is Q, I am 22.

A: Nice to meet you, Q.

Q: The pleasure is mine.

A: Is that you in the dp?

Q: No sir.
Please sir. I need your help.
I don’t know if this is the right platform to ask for your help.

A: Depends on the sort of help.
Ask your questions, I’ll do my best to assist you on your quest for answers.

Q: It’s about my spiritual life and relationship.

I get to rise and fall in my spiritual life and its mostly when I feel I’ve committed a very big sin and I feel if I render anything to God I’m just wasting my time and then I tend to stop praying, studying and fasting and I’m so addicted to secular music, everytime I try to stay away I find myself going back to it😥
What can I do?

And I’m having serious issues settling down in a relationship. Not getting what I’m expecting.

A: First question, are you born again?

Q: I thought I was but I don’t have the kind of experiences others have. I always come out for any altar call I get the opportunity to.

A: Coming out for altar call is good but did you Surrender your heart to Jesus or did you just go out because you were feeling bad about your choices in life?

Q: I go out because I want to surrender my heart to Jesus but deep down it turns out that I feel so bad about my choices and I just want to start all over and make it right.

A: 🙂
I totally understand you. Countless people I’ve met also share similar stories. I’ve been there too… wanting to start all over.

Q: But I end up going back.

A: You need to know something, once you have given your life to Christ, you are born again and that’s it. You may struggle with ungodly lifestyle, fall into sin and all that but as long as you have not denounced Jesus, you still belong to him.

Q: But I can’t relate to those born again experiences people share; I don’t feel Him
I’m just confused.

A: Although, Jesus is not a feeling, I can relate with feeling left out of the “experiences” you mentioned.

For years, I was into church and all things church and when people share their testimonies of how they got saved and felt a peace or overwhelming joy in their souls, I realised I had no such experience. For years I put it off and just kept doing church stuff like all the saved people but then, one day, it dawned on me that I was not born again.

Q: Totally my experience
Leaves me with the question.. Am I born again? How do I know.

A: Do you know what I did? I went to God and prayed the same prayer of repentance I have led many others to pray over the years. And when I prayed, I accepted it as a fact that I was saved because, as a matter of fact, you can never feel saved, you just have to believe what God says in His word that if you accept Jesus and confess him as Lord, you are saved.

Q: 😀 I’ll do just that.

A: Let me give you some examples as regards believing.
When I asked you for your name, did you feel like your name is Q?

Q: Yes.

A: Really? Do you actually *feel* your name?

Q: No.
No no
I’m sorry I was not getting the drift.

A: OK.
How did you come by the name Q?

Q: My parents gave it to me.

A: Really?

Q: Yes.

A: Are you sure?

Q: Yes…
Or am I missing the question?

A: No, you’re not missing the question. You’re making my point for me.
My point is, you don’t feel your name. You don’t have any way of knowing that your name is Q. You simply accepted it that it was your name.
You believed.

Q: Yes yes yes.

A: You not only believed that your name is Q, you also believed that the people who say they are your parents are actually your parents.

Q: Yes.

A: Or were you there to witness your own conception? Were you there to witness your own birth?

Q: No

A: Or do you *feel* that they are your parents?

Q: No
It’s based on belief.

A: Exactly. You believed them. And as you grew with them, you started having emotional connections that makes you *feel* like their child, and you got used to the name they gave you so you started acting like a Q. Anywhere Q is mentioned, you turn your head because you believe your name is Q.

Q: Right!

A: You allow your parents take care of you, feed you, clothe you, tell you what to do. Even as an adult, whenever you want to do something, you talk to them.
Isn’t that so?

A: It’s the same thing with being born again.

Q: Owww. Now I get it!

A: When you give your life to Christ, according to the dictates of the bible, do it the way the bible says to do it, then God says you are saved. Whatever you feel is irrelevant.

I’m a doctor and I know some babies cry loud and long at birth, some just cry softly but neither is more alive than the other. So whether you feel saved or not, accept what God has said, you are saved. Simple!

Once you have given your life to Him, He calls you saved. He calls you righteous, He calls you holy, he calls you Saint, He calls you his bride and His child. These are some of your names. And just as you respond when your earthly name is mentioned, you should also respond when your heavenly names are mentioned. And just as with time, Q became your subconscious identity, saved will become your subconscious identity and it will affect all that you do.

Q: I really appreciate this sir.
Thanks a lot.

A: If you allow your “father in heaven” to lead you, guide you, clothe you, feed you after a while you will start to have emotional connections with him and you will start to feel and enjoy your relationship with him and start to “feel” like a child of God.

Q: I need to get dressed for school now.

A: No worries.

Q: I’ll continue after school.

A: I still have some things to share with you so I will keep leaving you messages. At your next opportunity, you can go through.

Q: Thank you very much sir
Do have a lovely day
Ok sir.

A: Meanwhile, if you have not yet done so, just pray this prayer now, as in right now. Not in your mind but say it out loud so you can hear your own voice.


“Jesus, I acknowledge that I am a sinner. I am not saved and if I die this way, I will not be with you in heaven. But now, I acknowledge that you are the Saviour of the world and my own personal Saviour because I believe that out of love you died for me. I choose you today to be my master, my friend and my father. I now declare that Jesus is my Saviour and henceforth, I am saved and a full fledged, full blooded child of God. Amen.”

If you prayed that, you have the right to smile and shout hallelujah.

Q: 😀
Hallelujah!!

A: I rejoice with you, my sister in the Lord.
We’ll continue later.
….
[ The next day ]
….

Q: Good afternoon sir.

A: Hellooooo, my precious sister in Christ, how are you and how was school?

Q: I’m fine.
School was hectic and I came back with a terrible headache and sour taste in my mouth.

A: You need to rest. Take a shower to relax and sleep. You should be fine.

Q: How’s work sir?

A: All is well.
How did you feel today?

Q: Felt very happy I must confess and I was just meditating on everything you told me and I was happy I got to know what I knew today.

A: Meditation, hmmmm.. . That’s a very critical concept in resolving some of the issues you brought up previously as regards the choices you’ve been making before now.

Q: Can’t shower… I’m cold and can’t sleep. Been trying to.

A: Heat up some water, take a warm bath.

Q: Right away.

A: When you’re done with that, kneel by your bed and pray. Tell God how you’re feeling, just as simply as you have told me. Then tell him, in Jesus’ name, that you want him to help you relax, rest and get well quickly.
Let us see what God will do.

Q: I’ll do just that.
Thank you sir.

A: We’ll pick up tomorrow in answering you other questions.

Q: Yes sir

As at my last contact with Q, she is doing well and growing. 

A Room for Labour and Lessons

I was part of a discussion on another platform recently that was really fulfilling. One of the participants suggested that I blog it. It was difficult for me to leave out their comments because it was a major part of the beauty of the discourse.
I have here shared it with you, of course, protecting the identities of these precious friends by using codes.
It’s a long read but I have not doubt it’s fun…. Enjoy.
____________________

Me: First timers day in our labour room today.

First time deliveries are usually problematic, even for the most experienced hands. Today, we had soooooo many. Some ended well, with their babies. Two of them have a story that stirred my heart.

I usually don’t attend to labour cases unless to resolve some difficulty as was with the case here and when I was through I wanted to walk away but I was feeling sorry for the young under-18 expectant mother. I lingered and assisted but at the end, in spite of our best efforts, the baby was dead on delivery. After the mother found out her baby was dead, she started crying but then she said, “I didn’t get to see him”. We had to get the baby to her immediately, rather than later as is the usual practice, so she will see his face, albeit dead. I felt sad.

I thought of dreams we labour at but that, just at the last minute, fell through and didn’t see the light of day. I thought of the spiritually dead who pass on into eternity without seeing the light of Christ nor taking a whiff of the breath of life at all. I thought about these and I felt sad. Perhaps, judgement day is God saying “I didn’t get to see him”.

The other woman, she’d several times lost pregnancies half way through; several pregnancies but not a single baby to show for her pain, nothing to show for her labour. And then this time, she gets pregnant again, her husband abandoned her to her parents fully expecting her to lose the pregnancy around the sixth month as usual.
The woman showed up like clockwork at the hospital at about the sixth month complaining of labour pains. We found out she was too familiar with preterm labour and had resigned to it. We had to disabuse her mind of the thought that it had to be so this time around. She started draining shortly after that. She visited the hospital more frequently than any other pregnant woman I have ever handled and each time, she felt certain she was in labour… aborting again.

Well, between her 24th week and today, her 35th week, after 11 weeks of hospital visits and drugs, she came in yesterday in unstoppable labour but by today she still had not delivered. We had to take her to theatre for a cesarean section. At the end, she has twin girls alive and well.

I speak to you, no matter how many times you have tried and lost, no matter how many times you have missed it, keep going… keep moving forward. If God could be so kind to this non-believing woman to compensate her for lost time, then he will certainly do more for you his child.

Joel 2:25-27. And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten … And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed. And ye shall know that I [am] in the midst of Israel, and [that] I [am] the Lord your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed.

A1: The 1st woman’s story is soooooo touching.
Wow!!!!!!! Glory Glory Glory to God

A2: Glory to God! I’m almost in tears, amazed at God’s mercy and love. May his name be praised forever. Amen to your prayers sir.

A3: Thank you Jesus

A4: Wow wow. That is so great. So many lessons to learn. Glory to God!

A3: I pray those kids will have an encounter with God in their lives.

I feel pity for the young brides who are maltreated by their husbands. Married when they are still children to men older than even  their fathers and are  yet to understand the world just for them to be abandoned by these same men when they encounter challenges… challenges that a wife would expect her husband to stand by her.

Me: I think it was last week Wednesday or so that I saw, for the first time in 9 years of working here, a woman who was pregnant for the first time at the age of 20. I was surprised… Pleasantly surprised.

A3: It is sad. Culturally legalized child abuse.

A5: The stories are endless. I lived in the region so I know what you mean.

A4: Hmmmm so sad … these are cultural issues human rights activists should face but hardly do.

A3: In a Drs chat grp in the place I work that I am also a part of, an issue concerning this came up and a doctor, I mean a doctor indigenous to that area, that is supposed to be enlightened and should know better said if God does not want minors to have children,  then why is a girl’s reproductive system mature  at 12 yes of age? I was sooooo angry that I just left the group.
My boss, a doctor, who shld be approaching 50 if not more than that just married an 18 yr old girl as a second wife.

Q: But please…. just saying, is 18yrs too young an age to marry? I personally don’t think so. Please try to understand me. I am against 50 yrs marrying 18 yrs. For social reasons and more. But is 18yrs too young to marry say a 25 yrs old man cos most of our aged grand and great grand married at 18 yrs… :oops::oops::oops:

Me: My dear, your question is valid. Nothing wrong with asking.

A5: I don’t think it is wrong to be married. I have a problem with anything less than 18. I just don’t see why a 13yr old should be married.

A3: There is nothing wrong in an 18 yr old girl getting married but there are many factors to consider. In our society, an 18 yr old girl just finished her secondary school. How about other things in life like pursuing a tertiary education before getting married?
If we notice, those of our mothers who got married that early do not want their daughters to do the same. Some go as far as demanding that their daughters finish their masters degrees before marriage cos they know they had to give up a lot.

A5: On that I agree.

A3: She is mature physically but how about emotionally and mentally?

A4: True. Most xtain families in some countries consider it an ideal age to marry. In fact, I mean developed countries. So you find them marrying in year one in university. They believe it is better to marry than to burn.

A3: In developed countries, at 18 , you would have charted a course for your life but not here.

A4: Yes not here. I agree absolutely. I had to raise this so we think outside the box.

A3: I agree it is better to marry than to burn but if sex is the reason for marriage,  then hmmmm. After the wedding and sex has been accomplished, what next?

A5: Exactly. Preach it …..

A4: You know, in some developed countries they have massive support. Most of the Christian communities support themselves. They also can get job easily.
In our society it is finance that affects most late marriages. So like some one said a poor economy equals shaky family lives. From marriage to afterwards .
At what age was Mary betrothed to Joseph? How old was Joseph…probably very young but he already had a profession. Food for thoughts.
How old was Kenneth Copeland when he married? Don’t mind me …. I like to expand matter.

A6: Hagin was 19 or 20.

Me: Hagin started ministry at age 17. If he got married at 19 or 20, then he was already on a well charted course at that time. His wife was a year younger than he.

A4: See? It bothers me how these days a 25yr old man is still in his parents’ house. Thanks to strikes and shaky economy.

A6: I like the factors [A1] has laid down. Emotional and mental maturity are key.

A4: True ….. very key. However, it goes to say maturity is not age dependent nor after 18yrs. It depends on how you are raised, your community and culture and your personality and exposure.

Me: Age is the number of years a body has spent on earth. 18 years is the legal age for most countries in the world for adulthood and attending rights.
However, just as some people at 18 are very mentally sound and some are still very immature, same with the body. The body doesn’t become mature at 12,16,18 or even 25. It becomes mature when it becomes mature. It varies from person to person.
Some girls indeed have reproductive maturity at age 12 but that is in the vast minority, the very tail end of the normal distribution curve. Something so rare cannot be adopted as the basis of a blanket statement but obviously that is what has been done and still being done in our setting.
Statistics show that for the vast majority of women, the best reproductive years are between the ages of 18 and 35 or so but even at that, other assessments need to be done to be sure she is ready or to, at least, have a guess.

18 years at marriage is not wrong but in most parts of the world as well as ours, at 18, most people today are not ready to face their world as stand alone individuals. At 15, our ancestors were warriors and farmers and blacksmiths or whatever and their women were excellent home makers. But that was all they needed to be in their days. Things have changed. Our world is infinitely more complex than theirs so we can’t simply make comparisons.

Besides, due to unavailability of data in our setting, it is difficult to convince people that the death rates in the days of our ancestors were astronomical compared to today. Most families lost untold numbers of babies at birth for reasons ascribed to the anger of the gods of the land and all they had to do was offer sacrifices… which mostly didn’t work cos people were still dying anyway.

My grandma lost three or four babies between her first child and her second which was my mom. My mom married when she was 17, I guess she was big and looked ready but she couldn’t get pregnant until she turned 20 and I was the result. Of course in between there were all manner of reasons to explain what happened but my guess is her body simply wasn’t ready because there after, she never had a problem conceiving and she ended her reproductive career with a beautiful set of twin girls bringing the total to 8 kids.

However, I don’t need statistics to convince you that the population of the world is increasing steadily. This is partly because child survival rates have gone up and that is because scientific practices are being adopted more.

When one mentions science, people immediately wrinkle their nose thinking we are submitting all the credit to science. But the truth is science is not creation, science is discovery. You observe, make notes, compare, analyse data gathered and find a line of best fit, test the theories so surmised and then accept them as the basis for practice if they are constant in their deliveries. That is all science does, no matter how fanciful it appears.

So, if science tells us that it is better to allow a lady reach her 18th birthday before getting married and consequently pregnant, it means this age has been associated with the most acceptable outcomes in most cases.

It is not wrong biologically for a girl to marry at 18 or before 18 in some extremely rare cases but there is more to that girl child’s life than marriage, more today for a girl to become than she would have had the chance to be say 100 or even 50 years ago.

I say give her a chance, let her mature mentally as well as physically, let her have have more than just sexual and reproductive capacity to take with her to her husband’s life. Men today need their women to be far more than they did back in the ancient times. Any man who is oblivious to that is still stuck in those ancient times times and it is such and similar “stuckness” that makes underdeveloped countries in the third world.

Q: Is age a prerequisite for maturity? I think it helps but experiences matter as well. Like our brothers’ leader would say to us then, “I have seen 30 year old boys and 18 year old men”.

Me: A child, girl or boy, who loses a parent has to survive so it is thrown into adult situations quite early and will appear to have matured quickly but stamina and toughness are only a part of maturity.

Q: Hmm….sir. Thanks as always. I will pick and save for when I am asked… but be rest assured I will reference your name properly.

A2: Definitely should go on the blog. Well said, sir, well said.

A6: Experiences = level of exposure.
Some people have it early, others take a while. However, like he said, there is a reason science chose 18 (generally accepted practice).

A4: True ….. very key. However, it goes to say maturity is not age dependent.

Me: I was in my 20s when I found myself in a situation at a ministers’ conference where someone pleading with me said “please, be mature” because some men in their 50s were fighting over seat positions while service was going on. I merely gave up my seat and picked the one both older men didn’t want. It turned out to be a better location than the one they were fighting over.
A few weeks later, at my granny’s funeral, one of the old men fighting over seats was officiating the program for the wake; he was my granny’s pastor. I had to wonder what he was teaching my granny all this while.

A4: Lol

Q: What then is maturity?

Me: There is growth, and there is maturity. Growth stops at some point, when maturity kicks in and never stops.
Maturity, apart from the physical component, begins when you start thinking that one day, you will have to stand up for yourself, make decisions and stand by them, bearing the consequences.
You further mature when you learn wisdom to chose what to stand for and what to allow to be. You keep learning and improving on your decision making skills as you go along but because that “going along” translates to time, you might have become considerably old before you have got it mastered. That is why we generally expect wisdom to be found amongst the old gray haired.
However, the wisdom arrived at is also dependent on what “trained” our minds in its journey. If all you had to go on are the experiences of yourself and others, you may come away with Street smarts and thus possibly jaded and cynical. If all you had was bookwork and bookworms, you might come away very philosophical and high sounding but perhaps not very practical. If all you had was spiritual stuff, then you might end up deeply thoughtful and conclude you, even at your old age, still have a lot to learn and most people might find it difficult to relate with you.
I think the man who has a balance of all three will do well.

A7: 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

A6: 🙌 Yes sir!

Q: 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I have to clap. Very well understood. Yes… Learning  should never stop.

A8: Nice one sir. The day you stop learning you start drowning. …🏊
🏿