Tribe of Judah?

Question:

Parents often bring up the issue of tribe first. How can you tackle the issue of tribalism?

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Answer:

We are grateful that you would trust us with this question, thank you for the opportunity to be of help to you.

It’s unfortunate that we face these issues in our day. However, there are two sides to this matter and we have to consider both.

Your parents have experienced things that informed their position. The experience is either first hand or reported. So it is usually unwise to treat their alarm as something trivial. As long as it is not because they have promised you to someone else without your consent, you can find a way to resolve the situation without declaring World War III.

The point here is to sit with them and listen. Listen beyond your ears. Look beyond your eyes. The words they are using would sound as authoritative and definitive as would be expected from your parents but if you borrow their understanding for a while, you will understand that it’s not an assertion of their authority that’s the issue but a fear of something that will hurt you.

Of course, they might be incorrect but you can never get them to see that while you’re fighting them. Fighting them is wrong and when you do, they will lump your fight with your intended spouse and throw the baby, the bathwater, the bath and the bathroom out the window!

Don’t fight them, learn them. What are they really worried about? When they have finished talking, tell them what you have understood to be their concerns and thank them for looking out for you. Then take all those concerns and look at your relationship objectively, and sort out those concerns that were raised.

This sorting out doesn’t always mean that you change something in the relationship. It could just be to provide the necessary evidence to convince your parents that what they mentioned has been taken care of. It might just mean changing how your relationship is perceived by people around you, including your parents. The actual strategy would depend on your unique circumstances. But this is definitely the way to go if your parents have often counseled you soundly in the past.

A mistake many of us young people make is that all through our formative years, we didn’t cultivate our relationship with our parents by talking with them about stuff we were going though and how we handled them. Thus, they never got to see and hear us grow up. Until the point of marriage they still think of us as babies. Of course they’d feel they have to make some choices for us, it’s only natural.

Another approach could be to involve folks our parents actually respect. Again, if we were cultivating things with our parents, we would have known the people they value and we would have been building our relationships with them too so that they can know us enough to trust our judgement on some issues thereby giving them the confidence to intervene in our favour.

If, however, you know your parents are the unreasonable type, then you have to add an extra dose of prayer for God to help you convince them.
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So much said about our parents’ side … now, our side.

Most of the reservations our parents have our actually not unique to them. Most times they are quite normal. But where it becomes a problem is that we wait until it is too late before informing them of something we suspect they would not allow. We drop a “take it or leave it” bomb on them and expect them to just take it calmly. The guy is coming to visit for his first ever visit in 2 days, that’s when you bring up that matter of his tribe or whatever the issue is? Or you don’t tell them until the guy’s in the sitting room with them?

Approach matters. You should know that negotiations by dialogue take time. You ought to have been breaking down whatever ice walls you have been noticing in your family a long time ago. If you take your time, you can use water to erode a wall but if you’re in a hurry, the temptation to just bomb everybody to kingdom come will be there and you will make things difficult for yourself.

So, start now. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, start chatting up your parents. Learn their understanding and concerns and start negotiating a compromise in case of this or that. And when you find walls, get to work. Yoruba people have a saying that any one who pours water on the ground ahead of him will step on cool/wet ground. Don’t say we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Start crossing now, and carry your parents with you too. It is slow but at least you’re all moving together.

If, however, you are already in such a relationship, it is imperative that you start chatting with them about those things right away. At least, that way, they will have the opportunity to observe to see whether you were right that this guy or girl is an exception to the rule that their experience has placed on them.

Proverbs 22:3 A prudent [man] foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.

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Delilah: Year One

Question from VALCINNATION:

A married lady still loves her childhood boyfriend and calls him to express her love hoping for a romantic relationship. The childhood boyfriend wants their friendship to be casual. Is it proper to keep her as a casual friend for the sake of their former love and still avoid intimacy?

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Answer

We appreciate your question and thank you for trusting us.

The answer to your question is summed up in the scriptures below.

Prov 5:1 My son, attend unto my wisdom, [and] bow thine ear to my understanding:
Prov 5:2 That thou mayest regard discretion, and [that] thy lips may keep knowledge.
Prov 5:3 For the lips of a strange woman drop [as] an honeycomb, and her mouth [is] smoother than oil:
Prov 5:4 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword.
Prov 5:5 Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
Prov 5:6 Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, [that] thou canst not know [them].
Prov 5:7 Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth.
Prov 5:8 Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house:
Prov 5:9 Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel:
Prov 5:10 Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours [be] in the house of a stranger;
Prov 5:11 And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed,
Prov 5:12 And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof;
Prov 5:13 And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!

Prov 6:23 For the commandment [is] a lamp; and the law [is] light; and reproofs of instruction [are] the way of life:
Prov 6:24 To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
Prov 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Prov 6:26 For by means of a whorish woman [a man is brought] to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
Prov 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?
Prov 6:28 Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?
Prov 6:29 So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.
Prov 6:30 [Men] do not despise a thief, if he steal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry;
Prov 6:31 But [if] he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house.
Prov 6:32 [But] whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he [that] doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
Prov 6:33 A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.
Prov 6:34 For jealousy [is] the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
Prov 6:35 He will not regard any ransom; neither will he rest content, though thou givest many gifts.

From all these, you will see that there is nothing to benefit from either having an affair with her or even keeping her close as a casual friend.
She is nothing but a trap who will steal and destroy your life (her lips drip honey as described by the bible and she is already calling to profess her love but the after taste will be bitter). If you have ever tasted any sweet thing that has a bitter after taste, you will agree that once the sweet substance enters your mouth, you cannot escape the bitter after taste. It is as sure as dawn and dusk.

Prov 9:16 Whoso [is] simple, let him turn in hither: and [as for] him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him,
Prov 9:17 Stolen waters are sweet, and bread [eaten] in secret is pleasant.
Prov 9:18 But he knoweth not that the dead [are] there; [and that] her guests [are] in the depths of hell.

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Keeping her as a casual friend is as dangerous as dating her because she will oppress your mind and so harass you sexually until you succumb. Nothing good can come out of adultery. The bible says adultery will reduce you to a loaf of bread and you will lose your precious life.

You can’t set your centre table on fire and you sit down in the house, lock the doors for safety and act as if all is well neither will you invite a wild lion into your house and not expect to be eaten by it when it is hungry.

Another thing you need to note is that whatever you do is a seed and the harvest is always greater than the seed planted.

If you go into a married woman today, know that you have set the stage for your own misfortune when you do get married.

Finally, I will repeat again that you run away from this woman and trust God for a woman who is yours to claim.

For UNLIMITED by Dr Linda Oyanna

Sister Boomerang

QUESTION:
If you love a girl and she broke your heart and later she comes back, will you accept her back because you love her?
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Answer:

The answer to this question is complex because matters of the heart, though simple, tend to get complicated because of the way we do things.

Anyway, if you say she broke your heart, what do you mean? Did she deliberately do something to hurt you which led to breaking up the relationship or did she find issues that were reasonable, to her at least, for not wanting to continue the relationship, or the she break your heart, as you put it, because she was confused or uncertain about certain things and decided to break it off so that she could sort herself out without dragging you along? So you see, when you tell me somebody broke your heart or ended the relationship there are a good number of ways to look at it.

If she left in order to sort herself out and you know for sure that’s what she was doing, you have to check if she has sorted herself out now. Assuming she is stable now and she comes back to you hoping you give her another chance, I would say why not? Of course, you should do so prayerfully and with the guidance of your counsellors but personally I do not think it is bad to resume a relationship that went on holiday for that reason.

If she found something reasonable for which she felt the best thing to do was to end the relationship, then she did the right thing.

Pro 22:24-25  Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.

 

The reasonable question to ask now is that has that reason changed? If it was because of a character issue on her side or yours, has that character issue been dealt with and corrected? If it has been corrected and you are both convinced that it has, then again why not? Of course with prayer and counselling.

 

But if she walked away after doing some nasty things just to hurt you so that you could break the relationship, then I do not think it is safe to resume a relationship with someone who makes up some unpalatable issue so that you could have an excuse to break the relationship. Even beyond that if the person broke up with you because she got interested in someone else and then cooked up some issues with you and you guys broke it off, it suggests to me that she has not yet decided that she wants you and no one else. What this means is that should she stumble upon another person whom she has reason to think might be a better candidate for a future spouse for whatever reason, this scenario will repeat itself and you will break it off again. In that case I would not advise that you go ahead at all.

Mat 7:6  Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

 

The feeling that you have that you are calling love is possibly emotional attachment, which is likely to remain with you for a very long time. Sometimes some people don’t ever forget it for the rest of their lives; they perhaps learn to manage their emotions as regards that person treating him or her as a part of their past and nothing more. So, no matter how many times the person comes back, you will always feel something because your heart and mind have not forgotten the connection you had with that person. This does not translate to love.

If you understand what love truly is and you think that is what you still have for this person that hurt you and walked away, and has now come back seeking a second chance, well as I said things get complex when it becomes heart related, it never hurts to pray again and seek counsel however I must point out that in such a situation where your emotions are running wild it might be difficult to be sure what God is saying to you unless you have matured enough to the point where your feelings do not cloud your connection with heaven.

I hope this helps you.

Love Tips The Scale

Hello, a precious lady (let’s call her Liz) saw this post titled Princess and I [ https://pdlionunlimited.wordpress.com/2019/02/15/princess-and-i/?preview=true ] and decided to chat me up. Some details have been adjusted in order to protect her identity but the gist remains intact. I share this with you to show you that your concerns are not strange or unique to you and that you can find help if you’re willing.

If you haven’t read “Princess and I”, you should endeavour to do so.

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Liz: Wow! Very interesting. I had also a problem first to accept my fiancé; I am slim and he is huge. I was scared of his size. I was now bothering him to lose weight. Though he is losing weight now but he still looks huge.

So sir, is there any disadvantage of marrying a big man?

ME: A big man will always be big, especially if he is about the average size of his family members.

Liz: True, Dr. His family members are just as big.

ME: As I said to Princess, there are a number of medical conditions that are more likely, start earlier, or worsened by excessive weight. On the contrary, there are very few health hazards to being underweight. The optimal weight for height is usually associated with fewer health hazards especially when coupled with exercise and and a healthy diet.

Liz: Oh okay. Thank you so Dr for your answer

ME: 👍🏽

Please, encourage him to lose weight for his health sake, or any other reason you wish, but if you truly love him and believe God wants you to be his wife, never give him reason to think you won’t love him unless he loses more weight.

Liz: I did my best to love him the way he is, Dr but in the beginning, it was not easy for me.

ME: I feel you.

It is quite natural for one to have mixed feelings about many things initially but then part of being a grown up is knowing what you want, realizing that what you want may sometimes have to be created using what you have, and then getting to work on your dreams.

Liz: Very true Dr.

Now he is doing some sports on weekends and I believe because of his job, he will lose weight because they are very busy there.

ME: Funny enough, unless our jobs are intensely physically demanding, most people tend not to lose weight just by going on their jobs.

Liz: I have some other relatives who work in the same place, they always say their work is very demanding and they have been losing weight steadily, that’s why I said so🙈

ME: Here is what you can do, reward his every achievement. What you reward will be repeated.

Most women don’t realize that their men think highly of them and value their estimation greatly. If you celebrate his achievements in any regard, he will try to reproduce it. So, if he reaches a weight target, reward him in any way you find available and appropriate for your relationship. If you do this, he will keep going.

Liz: Woww … I will do so, Dr.

I just get excited when he tells me that he lost weight🙈

He plays volleyball too … on weekends.

ME: Great.

Liz: Do you mind if I show you his pix?

ME: Feel free.

[Pictures were shared]

Liz: But he is less than this now

ME: I don’t think he looks so bad even in this photo.

Liz: Ok, if you say so

ME: But, as I keep saying, it is not the present size that’s most important. Rather it is finding the healthy balance between looks and health.

Make it a point of duty to go watch him play volleyball. Be his fan. Whoop and holler, celebrate him as he moves on the court. If you keep doing this, it is highly likely that he will keep going.

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Liz: I will, Doctor…I am so encouraged. I just trust God no health problem rise sooner or later.

ME: Reeeeeelaaaaax, Liz. Don’t overthink this or any other matter. Besides, you cannot think enough to eliminate all potential problems. That’s God’s job.

Matthew 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day [is] the evil thereof.

Liz: Amen🙌🙌

ME:

Luke 12:6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?

Luke 12:7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Liz: Amen🙌

ME: You cannot afford to be thinking of “what ifs” …. you do not build faith that way but rather doubt. And where doubt thrives, you cannot sustain your supernatural gift of health. Doubt is darkness and the devil thrives in darkness.

Liz: May God help me.

ME: Speak life and light always.

Liz: Amen

ME: You’re trim and slim now, most women naturally put on some weight after one or two babies.

Liz: That’s true, Dr. For sure I will put on weight

ME: Would you for fear of health issues later not have babies? I don’t think so. You’ll have your babies and stay as healthy as you can.

Liz: Amen

This Love, This Love

QUESTION

How can you know that a person loves you the way you do him or her?

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Answer:

The answer to this question first of all presupposes that you yourself no what love is. If you think love is all about getting gifts and treats and having money spent on you, then anybody who spends on you and gives you treats would seem to you to truly love you. So the issue might not be so much about knowing that the person truly loves you but more about how you define love to yourself.

Secondly, even if you know what genuine authentic love is, if you do not know the person who is trying to love you, then even if the person is loving you by your definition because you do not know the person well enough you will never be sure of what the intentions are. The reason is whatever your definition of love is, another person by studying you can understand what you define to be love and can go all the way to express love to you in a way that meets your definition. Almost anybody can do that for any reasonable length of time enough to persuade you, but that does not mean the person is genuine in their intention. So the real issue here is for you to know the person well enough to be able to identify what the person is really about in every aspect of his life and not just as regards the claim that he or she loves you.

Luke 6:44-45  For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

The bible warns us about the strange woman, and I believe it is applicable to the strange man too. If the devil tells you I love you, you would run away; this is because you know it is the devil and no matter what it is he does, even if it looks nice, you know it is not meant for your good. So if you want to know whether a person loves you the way you love him then you must make effort to get to know him before even considering the issue of love.

This is why I keep saying that rushing to get married because you now have someone is not healthy for the marriage that you are trying to build. Otherwise, your so called miracle marriage will spend a good length of time receiving miracle counseling sessions after miracle quarrels have started showing up in your home.

Cheers

Feelin’ the Love

Question:

Does love have anything to do with feelings?

 

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Answer:
Thank you for this question.

Yes love has a lot to do with feelings. However, I suspect your question really implies whether love is a feeling. Well, we’ll try to cover both sides.

First of all love has a lot to do with feelings but this goes only as far as the fact that there is a connection between love and feelings of love. As I have said before, fire produces heat but the heat itself is not the fire. The heat might let you know that there is fire there but the fact that you cannot feel the heat does not mean the fire is not there. In the same way love produces good feelings, sweet romantically intimate feelings and all manner of feelings that we want to continue but these feelings themselves are not love. Love is not feeling rather it is a choice to do what is right based on the word of God for the person you want to love no matter the personal cost to yourself.

The reason we are most fascinated or fixated on the idea that there must be feelings in association with the love we have for someone is that quite often when we ‘fall in love’ with someone for the first time or when we just commit to a love relationship with someone, there are a lot of emotional gratifications. We feel very good, very happy and on top of the world so this makes us think that the love is real. But then after some time, these intense feelings start to wane, reduce, and sometimes completely disappear and when this happens we begin to think that we are no longer in love and we begin to consider ending the relationship.

Well we are partly correct because being in love is different from loving someone. Loving, as I said before, is choosing to be committed to the persons highest good based on God’s word no matter how much it costs us whereas being in love a simply being high on the emotions accompanying a romantic relationship.

The hope that we have is that we can be in love for as long as we can, we even train and counsel each other on things to do to step up these intense loving sensations that we have but then we must also realize that loving someone, which is actually what keeps the relationship going, has nothing to do with how you feel. It’s good to feel good but even when you are not feeling good, for example when the person has offended you or when the person has stopped doing certain things that used to make you feel good like buying gifts or calling you every hour and so on, you have to realize that the love itself is still there. It’s now up to you to do something or another to rekindle the fire and the passion of the relationship. If you actually love the person you will do everything you can to stay in love with the person.

So in summary love is not a feeling but love produces a number of feelings. Don’t just love being in love, rather love the person you are in love with.

 

 

Treasure Hunt

Question:

When can someone find true love?

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Answer:

We are grateful that you would trust us with this question, thank you for the opportunity to be of help to you.

Finding true love is not really a matter of when because finding something is not necessary tied to a particular time rather it is a matter of how. In other words, it’s a matter of learning or acquiring the skill with which to identify what you are looking for when you do see it, knowing where to go looking for it, and knowing what to do with it when you do find it.

A 16 year old who knows what true love looks like will find it quicker than a 30 year old who is not trained to know what love really is. A child of God who is looking to be loved unconditionally by someone and yet has not learnt to love unconditionally will have all manner of problems en route the true love.

Some think that finding true love is all about somebody loving them and how it will make you feel. They forget that true love is spontaneously reciprocated which therefore means that when you find someone who loves you, you love them back with all of your heart with the same true love you are looking for. If you don’t know this law of reciprocity, then even if Jesus Christ himself were to ask you out, you will still have problems, I assure you.

So first of all, if you want to find something you have to find yourself first, then study what true love really is so that you can know it when you see it ,and finally be ready to offer true love otherwise you will not be able to find it because like attracts like.

Pro 18:24 A man [that hath] friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend [that] sticketh closer than a brother.

If you’re waiting to be loved first before loving, you won’t get the love you’re looking for.

Ecc 11:4 He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap.

And you can only reap what you sow.
Psa 126:5-6 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves [with him].

Angry Bird

QUESTION:

When a lady always get angry with you even after apologies and she does it consistently, what do you do? Should I just move on?

 

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ANSWER:

Well, in this scenario it is very easy to look at it from your point of view which assumes that you are doing everything correctly and yet the lady gets angry with you. But this is hardly ever the case in real life situations.

In one situation, looking at things from the lady’s point of view, it could be that you are frequently making some mistakes. Now while mistakes may be forgiven and overlooked, if your partner notices that you are making the same mistakes again and again in spite of your apologies and promises to change, then it is quite likely that she would be angry with you the next time you make the same mistake because it is now no longer a matter of an unpleasant action, rather it seems to be a matter of an unpleasant character flaw that is not changing.

On the other hand, from your point of view it could be that the lady gets angry with you as a distinct deviation from her usual lifestyle. In other words, you notice that she’s nice to every other person and rarely gets angry unduly with other people in her life, but finds it easy to get angry with you. This would mean that there is something wrong with her evaluation of you as a person. It could mean she doesn’t respect you and therefore has no restraint in venting her every little irritation in your direction. If this is the case I would advise that you pull away.

However, if it is because you are projecting a poor image of yourself all in a bid to keep her with you, then it is up to you now to redeem yourself. Too many of us bend over backwards to accept situations that demean us as persons and give the impression that our self-worth is very poor. People will generally treat you the way you present yourself and so if you carry yourself like some accident waiting to happen, any person who gets involved with you will treat you like that and this could mean talking down on you like you are a child or getting angry at nearly everything you do not because they cannot overlook those things but because they find you personally irritating, annoying, or just an easy target to blame every problem in the relationship on.

So, if this is the case you have to help yourself. However, I must point out that trying to correct the impression you have created with someone in an intimate relationship with you is going to be particularly challenging because first impressions are difficult to correct and on top of that, this person knows your weaknesses more than most people.

 

Joint Purse or Joint Pains?

Question:

Good evening sir. Trust you had a nice day

Sir, is it practicable for couples to have everything about them to be joint. eg. joint acct, joint properties, joint everything. If yes, how can new couples learn to practice that in a way that will work out well?

 

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Answer:

It is very possible. In fact, that was the norm until distrust made us consider otherwise.

Read about the proverbs 31 woman … nothing was described in the name of her husband, yet the man was an honourable … noted in the elder’s council who sit at the city gates.

Pro 31:10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies.

Pro 31:11  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

… Her husband trusts her with all his heart, and he does not lack anything good. (God’s Word)

… The heart of her husband has faith in her, and he will have profit in full measure. (Bible in Basic English)

 

Interesting that the very first virtue that marks this great woman out is her capacity to manage the confidence of her husband.

Another example is the Shunnamite woman in 2 Kings 4.

2Ki 4:8  And it fell on a day, that Elisha passed to Shunem, where [was] a great woman; and she constrained him to eat bread. And [so] it was, [that] as oft as he passed by, he turned in thither to eat bread.

2Ki 4:9  And she said unto her husband, Behold now, I perceive that this [is] an holy man of God, which passeth by us continually.

2Ki 4:10  Let us make a little chamber, I pray thee, on the wall; and let us set for him there a bed, and a table, and a stool, and a candlestick: and it shall be, when he cometh to us, that he shall turn in thither.

 

You notice that the use of the pronoun “us”. She would not have used that pronoun if their resources were not as one. And in spite of her having a reputation of being a great woman and their resources combined, she showed regard for the union of their resources by not simply going out to get it done without consultation. Furthermore, she showed regard for her husband by asking his permission for the chamber. It is quite obvious that she values her marriage above the resources.

The problem is that our focus is not on our union, or marriage but on self-preservation. We’re self-conscious to the detriment of jeopardizing a relationship that is supposed to make us one with someone else. We conveniently forget that whatever we are … whatever we have … we bring it into the marriage.

Isn’t it funny that we come into a marriage bringing our physical resources, our emotional resources and spiritual resources and even our various issues and baggage yet we don’t want to include our financial resources?

The mathematics of marriage which we all know is 1+1=1. It means when it comes to marriage, 50%+50% does not equal 100%, rather it comes to 50%. So if you want a 100% marriage, you cannot bring in less than 100% of yourself.

Now, trust is one side of the issue that makes it difficult for people to commit 100% so my warning is this, if you don’t trust this person 100%, do not marry him … period.

The other side is the understanding of what resources are. They are provision. That is PRO + VISION.

Financial resources are simply those things that support our vision … they are pro (towards the benefit of) our vision. If your marriage has one vision, all resources from both participants will naturally be brought to bear. If both of you have divergent visions, your focus is not one. Therefore, no matter how hard you try and how much counsel you get and how much you want to, your resources will never come together.

So joint account or rather joint purse (even if in many accounts) is actually an automatic consequence of a joint vision. I don’t even bother counseling for joint finances because it doesn’t work as it should unless vision is first unified. If joint purse without joint vision is implemented, the divergent vision will eventually become grounds for distrust which perhaps wasn’t there before.

Before you start to think it’s better to just leave resources apart if visions are apart, consider this. Resources follow vision and your heart follows your resources.

Jesus said where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

It is only a matter of time before your monies, though kept separate, become the reason for much tension and breakdown in your marriage.

It is a matter of foundational importance for any union, whether of a corporate organization, a sports team, or a marriage, to have a single vision otherwise, a loss is inevitable.

 

Q: Wow 😍😍😍😍 … Thanks a bunch sir

 

 

TIME CAPSULE

Question:

Sir, what advice would do you have for single ladies who have advanced in age and are yet to get a man to settle down with in marriage ?

 

Tick tock Wedding Bells

Answer:

Dear precious sister, thank you for this question.

Well, this is a tight situation for someone to be in however the truth remains the truth so, let’s look at it.

First of all, when a person gets desperate for any reason, they are likely to make a mistake. So if a single person who has advanced in age decides to let her age become the most critical factor in determining when and with whom to settle down, it is very likely that person will make mistake. The reason being that a desperate person is like a beggar and it is commonly said that a beggar has no choice, which happens to be true.

So have you become a beggar because you have grown older? Have you concluded that you have no other choice but to settle down with the very next person you can find just because you think you are running out of time?

Think well about this are you truly running out of time? How do you know you are running out of time? Very likely you have concluded that at your current age you only have a short time left before menopause and therefore childbirth or before you eventually pass away from this world. But the truth is you have no basis for assurance of these assumptions you have made concerning yourself as a person.

The average age for menopause is around 50 to 55 years but then there are people who do not attain menopause until they’re 60 conversely just as there are those who go into menopause at age 30. So how do you know which applies to you?

Life is funny isn’t it? Think about it very well. Some people marry early and struggle through their marriage or spend many years before they have children or some have 8 or 10 pregnancies and lose most of them and end up having only one or two children to show at the end of her child bearing carrier. And then, there are some who marry very late and get pregnant immediately, some even have multiple births … twins, triplets quadruplets. Some others, don’t have children until they are way past menopause and suddenly they have quadruplets and everybody is full of joy at the end of the day.

So why do you think that you are out of options and therefore your age must pressure you into making a decision really quick. Do not become a victim of your own age or of your circumstances. God has great plans for you. If you can follow him with faith and patience you will receive the promise just like Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth all did. Sarah had only one son but that one son cannot be forgotten ever. Hannah did not have children in time and Penninah, her mate, never let her forget it. But Hannah’s first child took place in history that obliterated Penninah’s many children. What about Elizabeth who had never had a child but then the one child she ended up having was so unique he had a move of the Holy Spirit before he was even born and Jesus eventually said of him that he was the greatest of all the prophets?

What would you rather have and urgent married or a great marriage?

How long do you think you are going to live? Perhaps you would say 100 years or perhaps 120 years. So, if you are say 40 now, it means the number of years you have lived altogether is less than the number of years you still intend to stay alive. But then if you make or risk making a mistake because of the pressure of the number of years you have lived only to spend the rest of the number of years that you have before you suffering and paying for that mistake, is that better? Do not become a penny wise pound foolish … in a bid to save a penny you might end up losing the pound. In a bid to save yourself the shame of not being married for 20 years do not end up spending the next 60 or 80 years wishing you had waited for the right man.

It is my belief that if you have waited this long, you deserve the very best and that is my advice for you. Do not get desperate, keep following God, find God’s purpose for your life and get busy doing that. There is more to your destiny than getting married. Be strong, my sister. Take heart God’s man is coming for you … you just get ready.