Q: Must my wife always come first … if I have to choose between wife and purpose.
A: Theoretically and rhetorically, we will magnify our purpose above everything and we will sound and look very spiritual. Is this really correct?
I prefer to consult the word of God on everything as much as I have the understanding so let’s see where purpose and marriage were first mentioned in the Bible.
Gen 1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
Gen 1:27 So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Gen 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Man’s purpose involved dominion, not over the garden but over the whole planet. One physical man could not have done it by himself and God said, it is not good for the man to be all by himself. He cannot multiply all by himself. 1×1 is still 1. So in order to accomplish his purpose, man needed a suitable companion.
My point? Choosing a wife and fulfilling purpose are like hand in glove. They work together to make things work. One chases a thousand, two chase ten thousands. Whatever two of you shall agree on the earth, it shall be done. All it takes is Two, three is optional if you have it. Now before you say two means God and I, read the verse well; God is the one doing the heaven part. You need two human persons on the earth for the earth part.
Then, look at what happened because Adam temporarily lost control of his wife to the enemy. The messed up world you and I live in today is a derailment of the purpose of God for man to dominate the earth.
Rom 8:19 For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.
Rom 8:20 For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected [the same] in hope,
Rom 8:21 Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.
This is not definitely not what God intended.
Even if you have come to full awareness of your “gloooorious” purpose in life and you have a crystal clear vision of this purpose, if you pick someone that is wrong for your life, that purpose will also be derailed.
Bear in mind, no matter what you think is your purpose, you don’t marry purpose, you marry for suitable companionship. The suitable companionship will help fulfill purpose. Do not put the cart before the horse.
With all the foregoing, it makes sense, following the law of first mention, Purpose comes before everything, then the man identifies himself in line with his purpose, then chooses a suitable spouse, then they together fulfill their intertwined purpose.
If you’re already married, you have to realise that you are first a man before you are a man of God. God told me years back, “Of all the callings you will ever have in life, the calling to be a man came first. Therefore prepare yourself to be a good husband and father first before anything else.” So, if you’re not married yet, you have the chance to get it right before you wed.
In case you don’t believe God spoke to me, let’s look at the final authority.
1Tim 3:1 This [is] a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
1Tim 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
1Tim 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
1Tim 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
1Tim 3:5 ( For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
I would think it is obvious that God’s wisdom is that you put your house in order before trying to put your purpose on it.
Identify your purpose and commit to it in all you do, including the selection of a spouse. Don’t select just any woman that suits your fancy and try to get her to comply or conform to your vision which she didn’t previously know neither should you now drop her in the name of “putting purpose first”.
Put your wife first, with your purpose clear in your mind. In order words, select a woman for a companion who will, together with you, put God’s purpose for your lives first.
The caveat to this is that if God has called you to be celibate. In that case, you have no wife matter to even consider.
PS: Note that we are talking about wife, not girlfriend. They do not have the same weight of consideration in this matter.