Q: “Myself and my wife are both Christians. I enjoy sex and I love it but my wife doesn’t feel that way. She comes around only when it is time to make a baby and she is ready. After that she returns to her normal self. How can this be handled?”
A: This situation is actually quite common.
Usually, it’s either because someone has a wrong impression of sex from many years of hearing about sexual sins and bad sex stories about guys and how they boast of it or it could be due to poor satisfaction with the sexual encounters. It could also be due to a lack of romance on your part. If her femininity is only celebrated when you want to have sex, she will detest sex with you.
So, a good place to start is whether you treat her well during sex. If she enjoys sex with you, she would likely come back for more.
Do you prepare her well? Do you engage her in foreplay or do you just grab her and go? Perhaps you didn’t do all these on your first sexual encounter on your wedding night and the memory lingers. She now has to wait for baby making time when her own body has primed itself to make sex more comfortable.
You might need to get sex help books to study and know what I mean so that the next time she comes to you on her own, by the time she notices some positive changes, she will come for more. Even those who have a wrong orientation of sex cannot resist sex when it is great within the blessed confines of marriage. Their defences will crumble and they will yield to this “temptation” again and again.
If all is well on this front and she is still avoiding it, you might need to see your counsellor to help you guys. Don’t go accusing her and arraigning her before the judge but rather go as a couple in need of help with this core aspect of your marriage. My wife and I have had the privilege of helping a number of couples this way.
Q: What books are those?
A: Intended for pleasure by Ed Wheats,
The act of marriage by Tim LaHaye
The Successful Marriage by Creflo Dollar
There are others, I am sure.
Q: Is it possible to access e-copy of these books
A: Intended for pleasure I am sure. Others, I don’t know.
Q: But, my advise, if you’re not about to get married, don’t read those books ooo. Images you don’t need now will fill your head and distract you powerfully.
Q: Songs of Solomon is good too 🙈
A: Songs of Solomon portrays romance not actually sex.
Q: I thought they were intertwined?
A: Great romance prepares for but does not always lead to great sex or sex at all. Romance means to celebrate a person and the companionship of the person and this does not always involve sex. Songs of Solomon does not detail really what this question requires as an answer.
It is well with you.