TIME CAPSULE

Question:

Sir, what advice would do you have for single ladies who have advanced in age and are yet to get a man to settle down with in marriage?

Answer:

Dear precious sister, thank you for this question.

Well, this is a tight situation for someone to be in however the truth remains the truth so, let’s look at it.

First of all, when a person gets desperate for any reason, they are likely to make a mistake. So if a single person who has advanced in age decides to let her age become the most critical factor in determining when and with whom to settle down, it is very likely that person will make mistake. The reason being that a desperate person is like a beggar and it is commonly said that a beggar has no choice; which happens to be true.

So have you become a beggar because you have grown older? Have you concluded that you have no other choice but to settle down with the very next person you can find just because you think you are running out of time?

Think well about this are you truly running out of time? How do you know you are running out of time? Very likely you have concluded that at your current age you only have a short time left before menopause and therefore childbirth or before you eventually pass away from this world. But the truth is you have no basis for assurance of these assumptions you have made concerning yourself as a person.

The average age for menopause is around 50 to 55 years but then there are people who do not attain menopause until they’re 60. Conversely, there are those who go into menopause at age 30. So how do you know which applies to you?

Life is funny isn’t it? Think about it very well. Some people marry early and struggle through their marriage or spend many years before they have children or some have 8 or 10 pregnancies and lose most of them and end up having only one or two children to show at the end of her child bearing career. And then, there are some who marry very late and get pregnant immediately, some even have multiple births … twins, triplets quadruplets. Some others, don’t have children until they are way past menopause and suddenly they have quadruplets and everybody is full of joy at the end of the day.

So why do you think that you are out of options and therefore your age must pressure you into making a decision really quick. Do not become a victim of your own age or of your circumstances. God has great plans for you. If you can follow him with faith and patience you will receive the promise just like Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth all did. Sarah had only one son but that one son cannot be forgotten ever. Hannah did not have children in time and Penninah, her mate, never let her forget it. But Hannah’s first child took a place in history that obliterated Penninah’s many children. What about Elizabeth who had never had a child but then the one child she ended up having was so unique he had a move of the Holy Spirit before he was even born and Jesus eventually said of him that he was the greatest of all the prophets?

What would you rather have an urgent marriage or a great marriage?

How long do you think you are going to live? Perhaps you would say 100 years or maybe120 years. So, if you are say 40 now, it means the number of years you have lived altogether is less than the number of years you still intend to stay alive. But then if you make or risk making a mistake because of the pressure of the number of years you have lived only to spend the rest of the number of years that you have before you suffering and paying for that mistake, is that better? Do not become a penny wise pound foolish … in a bid to save a penny you might end up losing the pound. In a bid to save yourself the shame of not being married for 20 years do not end up spending the next 60 or 80 years wishing you had waited for the right man.

It is my belief that if you have waited this long, you deserve the very best and that is my advice for you. Do not get desperate, keep following God, find God’s purpose for your life and get busy doing that. There is more to your destiny than getting married. Be strong, my sister. Take heart God’s man is coming for you … you just get ready.

Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com

WHAT IF SHE’S OLDER? … 1

Q: Good morning, sir. Thank you for the time taken to educate on life issues. I celebrate you sir. I am done reading the book and it was enlightening. Thank you very much and God bless you.

Sir, what is your view about a lady being older than the guy in a marital relationship?

A: The simple answer I will have to give you for now is that if her age bothers you, don’t struggle with it … walk away.

But to break it down a little more, you will need to study her in this regard, because the way she treats other people is a clearer reflection of her character than how she currently treats you … and that character will not change easily or quickly.

So, how does she treat the people in her life at the moment? Does her relative age determine or influence how she treats people especially when it comes to respect? Does she respect older people and maltreat younger people? If she is older than you and you see that she treats everyone around her with respect irrespective of their ages, you may want to consider that she will treat you respectfully even though you are younger.

Have you considered how you will be affected should she misstep based on the age disparity? We are all in the flesh at the moment and, at some point in time, our weaknesses will show especially when we are struggling. If in the moment of her weakness, she calls you small boy or treats you like a child, how would that go with you? Would you at that point regret making a choice for someone who is older than you?

Obviously, only you can answer that question, but even the answer you provide yourself might very well be a sweet dream. You might tell yourself that you can handle it. The test of truth would be to watch out how you feel now when she disagrees with you, stands up to you, or disrespects you now that you are not yet married. Perhaps, that opportunity has not presented itself yet. Well, how do you feel when your own older family members disrespect you on account of the age difference? Multiply that by a lifetime and you will start to catch a hint of how you would feel if your wife were to disrespect you.

Believe me when I say this, the impact of disrespect from your wife is by far greater than that from any other person in the whole world. So, if disrespect from others around you gets to you in a way that bothers you, just know that you would not be able to handle it from your wife. And if she is older than you, the chances are higher that she would treat you in ways that amount to disrespect from time to time, than if you were older.

It is quite easy to say that in developed countries and advanced cultures, age is not even a consideration. That may be true. However, neither you, nor this woman, were brought up in such cultures. So, to live life base based on a culture that is actually not your own amounts to pretence; it just creates unnecessary pressure for both of you. You must remember that you marry not just a person but who the person was, is, and will be.  We may not like to think of this, but we are today a product of our yesterday. We are a product of where we have been, who we have met, the books we have read. And so, all that is in her past or history will remain a part of who this lady is. Same with you.

To be continued

Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com

The Best age for a girl to get married

Q: What is the best age to get married?

A: Best age for marriage does not exist.

What we have so far as a reference for optimal age is a representation of societal statistics and it changes with time.

It used to be 16-17 when a woman was needed for nothing more than procreation and house keeping. Now we are talking around 24-25 because she has access to full education. But we have to remember the cultural setting of the society; in some places, girls still don’t have access to full education, so when should they marry?

And what if she wants a career, as is now available to today’s woman? Would she wait till she has reached the pinnacle if that’s her goal?

Medical science believes a woman’s best reproductive period is between 18 and 25 years. In how many settings does a woman have this reality? Does it mean she cannot or should not have children outside this bracket?

You must also note that this is science’s recommendations based on currently available information. That information will change as things improve.

So, when will we arrive at an answer?

Marry when you have what you need to do so and this incorporates a lot of things from personal readiness, emotional soundness and availability of resources. I talked about this in a few of my books, Multiply, Mistakes We Make
When Choosing A Spouse, and To Date or Not To Date. They are all available on Amazon, and Okada for the lowest amount possible on such platforms. Some are even free.