Question:
There were 4 guys who were very close friends. They were playboys for whom money was not a problem. They sleep with girls just for fun then trade stories in explicit detail until each one has had his turn with the girls. They did this for every girl that come their way. One day they met a lady, Gift, a prostitute. Victor approached her and slept with her. He informed the rest. They strategized and all had their way with Gift. They had Gift for some time and left for another as usual.😟
But Victor kept going back for more, eventually going with gifts. His friends protested, “She is a harlot and we have all slept with her”. Victor did not listen to them. Gift noticed that Victor had a soft spot for her though it always ended in sex. She approached a native doctor to discuss her fate as she also had started having feelings for Victor. The man gave her a charm to be used on Victor. The charm is renewed majorly after a ritual and constant sex and food. Once she keeps having sex with him and cooking for him, Victor will forever be hers. She did just that and Victor started following her sheepishly.
His friends complained, his family got involved but Victor said he loved her. They got married, and within 5 years of marriage, they had 3 children. This was a period of peace and joy for Gift. Old things had passed away, her life had completely changed, now cultured, homely, a wife and mother who loved her children and her husband. So she thought to herself, “Why do I have to do any ritual again? I should leave all fetish acts.” So, she did not go for the ritual.
One day, as Victor was in the living room, “scales” fell off his eyes and he saw children in his house. He asked for what they are looking for, then Gift came out. He was shocked to see her. “Gift, you the prostitute that we all had … what are u doing in my house?” Gift started crying … She narrated all the story to Victor. He was angry. So I have been living with you as your husband for 5 years?” “I have turned a new leaf, Gift wailed. I have changed … You changed me. I love you. Victor was upset and sent everyone out of his house.
The person the story stopped here. She was trying to warn us against promiscuity. Someone suggested that some evil spirits are warring against her family. But I kept thinking, what is the way out of this for Gift?
Please be practical
Answer:
Real life is complicated because we complicate it by ourselves.
Well, the Bible says in
Gal 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
This story is a classic example for the above scriptures and the principle it submits is applicable to all, whether sinner or saint. You can apologize for breaking an egg but your genuine repentance will not bring the egg back. God put the mechanism of healing in nature but allowed scars to cap things up to serve as a reminder of lessons we learned or should have learned in our time of pain.
Are there really evil spirits warring against her family? No, I don’t think so. She used to appease them through various acts, and when she stopped, the charms also lost their cover. Simple.
Only God gives unconditionally.
The repeated expression is that she has changed and turned a new leaf. She is no longer a prostitute, she gave it up when she thought someone truly loved her. But she did what she knew to do as an unbeliever to keep her “good fortune”.
Luk 16:8 And the lord commended the unjust steward, because he had done wisely: for the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light.
Jesus said the crooked steward used what worked for their circle. Right or wrong was not the consideration. Why? They were all children of darkness.
Did she do wrong by using charms on him? That is a pointless discourse.
She gave up prostitution when she thought she found love … makes sense. But does that mean she accepted Christ as a saviour and Lord? No.
Eph 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: [it is] the gift of God:
Eph 2:9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
Tons of people give up obnoxious lifestyles daily, it doesn’t mean that it was a religious reason that motivated them. We are saved not because of what we repented from, not because of what we repented to, but because of who we repented to.
Repentance from a life of immorality and committing to a local Christian church is Churchianity. Until the life is owned by Christ through Holy Spirit transacted, and heaven documented adoption is their actual Christianity.
Luke 11:24-26 When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest; and finding none, he saith, I will return unto my house whence I came out. And when he cometh, he findeth [it] swept and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh [to him] seven other spirits more wicked than himself; and they enter in, and dwell there: and the last [state] of that man is worse than the first.
Praying and warring against the forces of darkness in her marriage could amount to a house trying to divide against itself unless she is now a saint in Christ.
The tools of the kingdom won’t work in the hands of non-citizens which is why the prayer of the sinner is an abomination to God even though he hears the breath of all things living. Remember, 1 John 5:14-15 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.
Prayer in Jesus name is a kingdom tool. So is counseling towards word-based options. There are spiritual forces with DNA identification capacity backing these things.
Acts 19:15 And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye?
Kingdom weapons won’t work for her and might even make her situation worse … unless she has actually given her life to Christ.
If she has, that’s great news. I am happy for her, heaven has gained her and there is a chance for the 5 children to be righteously influenced. But the salvation does not cover the husband she has held on to for years.
Going on with the assumption that she is now a child of God, this has simply evolved from a marriage between two unbelievers in Christ to one between a saved person and an unsaved person.
I think it was Myles Munroe who said that for a Christian woman to complain that her unsaved husband is not living a godly life is unfair because the man is not equipped with the resources to do so.
According to the Bible,
1Cor 7:12-16 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?
Praying that the man should not leave is not a high priority kingdom prayer. The highest priority prayer is in verse 16, the salvation of the man. But take note, as high as the priority is, the answer is still a matter of probability because it is not up to God alone to answer prayers that challenge the will of anyone. Therefore the spirit led Apostle Paul asks, “who knows whether?”
If the woman wants to pray for the man to be saved so that she can have him back, rather than that God can have him, it is still selfishness.
I have heard of Christian ladies, who were sexually active as unbelievers, praying that God will miraculously replace their hymens ostensibly because all things are now new and they want their husbands to find them as virgins. Perhaps that is their reason, but I cannot ignore the possibility that the agenda is to cover the shame of their past. It is the same thing here. If they truly believe that old things have passed away, then they should stop trying to use the new man to hide the corpse of the old man; no matter how large he was, he is dead and gone. The life they now live is a blood washed one and any man who prefers a hymen as a sign of virtue over the verified fruits of a righteousness regenerated life is simply unskilled in the word of righteousness and a novice to the kingdom life.
Of course, we will all love him to go back to the family he raised, but we have to entertain the possibility that he won’t do so even after being saved, and it is not because he is a bad man.
Now to the matter, marriage is between two consenting adults, not between one conscious person and a jazzed person. And for the marriage to continue, daily conscious consent has to be in play. The day consent dies, the marriage ends. That is not to say that God is glad that it does but he can’t stop us from ending a marriage even though he will judge us for doing so.
There are many wrong premises for marriage. Deception and manipulation, whether diabolic or not, is not a good structure to base marriage on. Once the veil tears and scales drop, that London bridge will fall down and nothing can stop it.
Sex before marriage is wrong and pregnancy before marriage is shameful by Christian standards but compelling marriage because of that is also wrong. If God were to demand that we all pay for our wrong doing, who shall stand? Having 5 children is also in the same category. It is unfortunate. It is painful. But it is not a basis for a holy matrimony.
When we pray, we make demands based on rights that God himself recognizes and is committed to. He cannot deny himself even if we all fall away. In this situation, neither the number of years spent together, nor the number of children will move God. We are moved by these things, we may be misled by them, but God cannot be moved.
What would I say to this woman?
There are no unexpected children. No matter the mechanisms involved in their arrival among the generations of men, God has been aware of the children since before the day he said “Let there be light.” She should let God have them and be a father to them.
Fred Hammond’s mother didn’t expect him either. She already had many sons; she didn’t need one more. She went to an abortion clinic to take him out. It was when her name was called that she felt a sudden urge to run out of there. Today, we have a mighty kingdom movement through music in a man we almost lost. If he hadn’t told us, we would not have known.
Israel Houghton was born through a biracial relationship. His maternal grandparents warned his mother to stay away from the guy she was dating because they felt he will abandon her. She refused. They threatened that they would disown her if she persited and should the man leave her, they would not take her back or help her. She went ahead. The man did abandon her but that was after she was pregnant. Her parents kept their word and she was suddenly alone. Abortion was an option but she decided to keep the baby. Today, we rejoice over the life of this man who was an unwanted baby. By the way, Israel Houghton was mentored by Fred Hammond. Such are the workings of God.
This is where men are needed in the body of Christ. Men who will stand to father children that were not birthed through their loins. Men like Joseph who chose to believe his fiancée and an Angel enough that he placed the kingdom agenda above his personal comfort.
Speaking of God, remember the origins of Ishmael? He was the product of a smart woman’s effort to help herself and make her husband happy, just like the woman in this story. But then, the scales fell off Sarah’s eyes and she revoked her plan. Wealthy Abraham sent Hagar away in a desert land with only a bottle of water and little bread. The implication was that they would die of starvation. But what did God say? Gen 21:18 Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation. God has a plan for the unplanned child. God wants the unwanted children, let him have them.
The first step towards the father of her children is to seek peace.
1Cor 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.
She should pursue peace with him. Confess her error and ask his forgiveness. He had already fallen for her ever before she recruited diabolical forces to bind him to her. If she can use that to remind him that he once loved her, there might be a chance for her. But his anger at this time is clearly more intense than his recollection of that attraction. Perhaps … perhaps … there might be a chance that he might reconsider. But to demand Christlike character from one who is not born from above is completely unfair and will yield no lasting desirable result. Worse still, it might even make the guy resolve to never become a Christian; that would be a terrible loss.
My sister in the Lord should follow the scriptures and trust that God will pick her up.
Rom 8:28-30 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate [to be] conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
This is what I will seek to do if I were to be involved in handling her situation.
Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com
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