Rebellion by Proxy

Q: Good morning, sir.

A: Good morning ma. How may I help you?

Q: Sir, I need your advice concerning my relationship.

My fiance got a job in Jos last year so he had to move away. Then he promised by November that he will come to visit my parents but he said he can’t come again until Easter when he will travel down to see his own family. But now he wants me to come to Jos to visit him, his reason being that he needs me around. But my mother said I shouldn’t go that until he comes to visit us first.

A: Follow your guardian’s advice. She is seeing something you are likely not seeing.

Q: OK sir.

But sir, I don’t know what to do. I am teaching in Ibadan and very soon we’ll go on holiday and so he is requesting that I should visit him for 2 weeks.

Yesterday, he was saying he is doubting my love for him … that I don’t love or care for him. He asked why I can’t I make decisions on my own? That it is just like he is chasing after shadows.

I then asked him if he still loves me. He said YES but that if I am ready to make him feel the love and not chasing after shadow again and again that I will surely see the reality of his love for me.

A: This is exactly my concern and probably your mother’s as well. He was the one who moved away because of work and for whatever other reason, he doubts your love. And now, to prove your love, you should travel to Jos to be around him?

Absolute no.

The man is the one seeking your hand in marriage. It’s not your hand seeking him. If he needs to solidify your love, he should travel to see you. The only man who has the right to “need you around” is your husband and, until he is your husband, your parents have the authority over your life. When he has his daughter, later in life, he will do the same.

That trip is laden with dangerous traps … for you and for him. Physical distance between both of you has created a longing for you … a craving for you … such a craving is the first step to sex.

I am thinking, like your mother probably is, that should sex get involved, a man who has not committed himself and his family to take you as his wife can easily deny you and walk away.

The duration of the trip is irrelevant to me. One night is all it takes.

I know you don’t want to lose him. You are in love and want to get married … I know.

But if a man is asking you to think for yourself and go against your parents’ wishes but will not allow you to do the same thinking for yourself and go against his own wishes, and goes further to make that the basis for measuring your love, something is wrong.

My sister, you are in danger o.

Do not go.

Don’t do it.

If there ever was a time to be strong and principled, this it that time.

Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com