Q: Good morning, sir. Thank you for the time taken to educate on life issues. I celebrate you sir. I am done reading the book and it was enlightening. Thank you very much and God bless you.
Sir, what is your view about a lady being older than the guy in a marital relationship?
A: The simple answer I will have to give you for now is that if her age bothers you, don’t struggle with it … walk away.
But to break it down a little more, you will need to study her in this regard, because the way she treats other people is a clearer reflection of her character than how she currently treats you … and that character will not change easily or quickly.
So, how does she treat the people in her life at the moment? Does her relative age determine or influence how she treats people especially when it comes to respect? Does she respect older people and maltreat younger people? If she is older than you and you see that she treats everyone around her with respect irrespective of their ages, you may want to consider that she will treat you respectfully even though you are younger.
Have you considered how you will be affected should she misstep based on the age disparity? We are all in the flesh at the moment and, at some point in time, our weaknesses will show especially when we are struggling. If in the moment of her weakness, she calls you small boy or treats you like a child, how would that go with you? Would you at that point regret making a choice for someone who is older than you?
Obviously, only you can answer that question, but even the answer you provide yourself might very well be a sweet dream. You might tell yourself that you can handle it. The test of truth would be to watch out how you feel now when she disagrees with you, stands up to you, or disrespects you now that you are not yet married. Perhaps, that opportunity has not presented itself yet. Well, how do you feel when your own older family members disrespect you on account of the age difference? Multiply that by a lifetime and you will start to catch a hint of how you would feel if your wife were to disrespect you.
Believe me when I say this, the impact of disrespect from your wife is by far greater than that from any other person in the whole world. So, if disrespect from others around you gets to you in a way that bothers you, just know that you would not be able to handle it from your wife. And if she is older than you, the chances are higher that she would treat you in ways that amount to disrespect from time to time, than if you were older.
It is quite easy to say that in developed countries and advanced cultures, age is not even a consideration. That may be true. However, neither you, nor this woman, were brought up in such cultures. So, to live life base based on a culture that is actually not your own amounts to pretence; it just creates unnecessary pressure for both of you. You must remember that you marry not just a person but who the person was, is, and will be. We may not like to think of this, but we are today a product of our yesterday. We are a product of where we have been, who we have met, the books we have read. And so, all that is in her past or history will remain a part of who this lady is. Same with you.
To be continued
Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com
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