Continued from https://pdlionunlimited.wordpress.com/2023/10/11/what-if-shes-older-1/
It is quite easy to say that in developed countries and advanced cultures, age is not even a consideration. That may be true. However, neither you, nor this woman, were brought up in such cultures. So, to live life base based on a culture that is actually not your own amounts to pretence; it just creates unnecessary pressure for both of you. You must remember that you marry not just a person but who the person was, is, and will be. We may not like to think of this, but we are today a product of our yesterday. We are a product of where we have been, who we have met, the books we have read. And so, all that is in her past or history will remain a part of who this lady is. Same with you.
Remember that each of you have spent at least two decades imbibing this culture, it’s influence on how you see and do life will not disappear overnight, if at all. In your moment of weakness, either one or both of you will eventually say something in the direction of her not treating you like a baby just because she is older than you based on your culture of origin.
Do not make the mistake of thinking that the pressure will always and only be on you. She, being the woman and wife, if she is a considerate woman, will constantly feel the need to weigh her actions in the light of this atypical union. The reason is that she would think that she does not want to give you any reason to think that she is disrespectful to you on account of your lesser age. This would probably sound good to you, but it has a dangerous side. There are times when your wife needs to be able to pull you back from danger. She needs to be able to do so without the pressure of thinking that you might feel disrespected, specifically that you might feel like she is treating you like a small boy. This is just one difficult situation that I can point out right now. There are many and varied difficult scenarios that would present themselves with time.
Marriage is already challenging enough, so please make things easy for yourself. The Bible says to make level paths for your feet so that so that your journey will bring healing rather than injury and pain.
Hebrews 12:13 Make straight paths for your feet, that the lame member may not fail, but that it may be healed. [Aramaic Bible in Plain English]
In other words, if you notice that someone is struggling or weak in a certain area, don’t set up things based on what you consider correct as per principle, rather make adjustments to the settings so that the journey will help create strength in that area of weakness, or at least provide support for that area of weakness.
I know not everybody will agree with this as a basis for logic, but Adam was created before Eve. Somehow, that is enough for me, based on the principle of first mention. But even further, all the marriages that the hand of God was involved in in the book of Genesis, the men were older than their wives. And so, I do not have a basis to tell you to go ahead to marry a lady who is older than you are.
I am quite sure that you will ask a lot of people’s opinion, and quite likely you will hear the advice of our contemporary days telling you that age does not matter … it’s just a number, and on hearing that, just in order to go with the flow, or just to prove a point to the rest of the world that you that you can actually do it and live a happy life, you might feel compelled to go ahead. There will surely be enough people to urge you on. But that would be a grave mistake because that would mean that you are marrying not for yourself, and not for that woman, but for the onlookers who have no stake whatsoever in the peace, joy, and love that is supposed to pervade your home.
What you should ask yourself is whether all these people who are telling you it is okay to marry a woman who is older than you are themselves married to women who are older than themselves, or have siblings and close relatives whom they have supported through such relationships. If they are not living in such a setting first hand, then you might be an experiment for them to see how it will go, and how they would feel about it. Do not let people manipulate you to live your life pursuing dreams that they themselves could not dare to pursue.
Most of the time when people find themselves in such a scenario of considering a woman older than themselves, it is not necessarily love. Sometimes it is a manifestation of desperation because they are thinking that they cannot, or have not been able to find someone who is younger than them, even though that has been their unquestioned expectation all along. Tell yourself the truth about what is motivating you to take this step and you will find your peace. In the place of peace, devoid of tension, and the pressure of others’ opinions, you should easily identify what you should do.
Above all, I will ask you this question, what did God say you should do? If you have not heard from him then I beg then you, pause, pray, think before you take any step because this thing is for life and has repercussions into eternity.
Q: Wow, thank you very much sir.
***************************************************************************************************************
Please note: The image above is not my own creation.
***************************************************************************************************************
Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com
UnLimited 
